Batman Jokes
Q: What do you call it when Batman skips Church?
A: Christian Bale.
Q: What position did Bruce Wayne play on his little-league team?
A: He was the bat-boy.
Q: How does Batman's mother call him to dinner?
A: (tune of 1960's theme) Dinner Dinner Dinner Dinner Batman!!!
Q: Why did Bruce's date go badly?
A: Because he has BAT breath!
Q: What does Batgirl wear to bed?
A: Her Dark Knight gown!
Q: What's the difference between Batman and a robber?
A: Batman can go into a store without robin!!
Q: What is a Batman's favorite part of the joke?
A: The "punch" line!
Q: What does Batman put in his beverages?
A: Just ice.
Q: When is Joker not plotting a murder?
A: "When he's riding his Harley."!
Q: What do you call a comic book movie without any sidekicks?
A: Batman and Robinhood.
Q: Why was Bruce Wayne so good at baseball?
A: Because he was Batman.
Q: What happens when Batman and Robin fight a steamroller?
A: They become Flatman and Ribbon.
Q: What do you get when you combine Robin with a Vita-Mix?
A: Robin the Boy Blender.
Q: How many caped crusaders does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: None. They like the dark.
Q: What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the Batmobile?
A: Get in the Batmobile Robin!
Q: Why did Batman climb the tree?
A: Because he was looking for Robin's nest!
Q: Why did Batman flush the toilet?
A: Because it was his duty!
Q: How does batmans mother call him to dinner?
A: She doesn't they have a butler.
Q: What do you call the kid Jessica Biel had with the Caped Crusader?
A: Bat Mo Biel.
Q: What is a Batman's favorite drink?
A: Fruit punch!
Q: When does Poison Ivy change her underpants?
A: When they get soiled!
Q: Whats the difference between Batman and a unicorn?
A: Nothing, they're both fictional characters
What do you get the bat who has everything? How about unmurdered parents, you douchebag.
Superman looked at Bruce Wayne and said: "Stop acting like a bat boy, ok Batman?"
Batman doesn't make New Year's Resolutions. He ENFORCES them.
Superpowers
Superman was feeling bored after a long break of crime fighting & wanted to go out & party so he called Batman to ask if he wanted to go to a club & pick up some girls.
Batman said Robin was ill & he had to look after him.
A little disappointed, Superman called Spider-man to see if wanted to grab a couple of beers. Spiderman told him he had a date with Catwoman.
As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonderwoman's apartment to see If she was free.
As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonder Woman naked on the bed with her legs open.
Superman thought to himself "I'm faster than a speeding bullet, I could be in there, have sex & out again before she knew what was happening."
So Superman did his super thing in a split second & flies off happily.
Meanwhile on the bed, Wonder woman said "Did you hear anything?"
"NO"! said the Invisible Man, "But my ass hurts like hell!"
Picking a Fight
A week after his wife left him, Jim went out to the local watering hole.
After a long evening of drinking, Jim was thrown out of the bar as usual. On his way home he spotted a nun walking down the road.
After looking at her twice he ran over and tackled her, then proceeded to beat the living daylights out of her.
Some people passing by spotted this and called the police.
As the police were pulling him away in handcuffs he looked back and said, "I thought you'd be tougher than that, Batman."
Four Corners
There is a big room with four corners.
In the first corner, you find Superman.
In the second corner you find Batman.
In the third corner you find Spiderman.
And in the fourth corner you find an extremely intelligent, 100% natural blonde woman with an amazing ultra-thin magazine-model figure.
In the center of the room there is a pot of gold.
Q:Who gets to the pot of gold first?
A: None, because none of these characters exist.
Three Women
Three women -- one engaged, one married and one a mistress --- are chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men. All three buy black leather bras " stiletto heels, and masks for their eyes. After a few days, they meet over lunch to compare notes.
The engaged women says:
The other night when my boyfriend came over, he found me in the black leather bodice, tall stilettos, and a mask. He said, "you are the woman of my life. I love you". Then we made love all night long.
The mistress says:
I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn't say a word -- but we had wild sex all night.
The married woman says:
I sent the kids to my mother's house all excited about having alone time with my husband. Had the lights dim, candles going, I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos heels and a mask over my eyes.
As soon as he came to the door and saw me and said,"What's for dinner, BATMAN?
Poison Ivy & Harley Quinn
Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn decide have their mind set on robbing Gotham City Bank.
"Now, remember the plan," Poison Ivy tells Harley.
"Yeah, yeah, no problem!" She says, and walks into the bank. Ivy waits in the getaway car.
Time passes by ten minutes...Ivy starts getting worried...fifteen minutes...Ivy thinks about driving away.
Suddenly Harley comes rushing out of the bank, dragging a safe behind her all tied up in rope. Behind her, the guard comes running out...with his pants down!
Ivy groans. "Harley, you idiot! I said to tie up the guard and blow the safe! NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND!
Camping
Batman and Robin are camping in the desert, set up their tent and are asleep.
Some hours later, Batman wakes his faithful friend. "Robin, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Robin replies, " I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" asks Batman.
Robin ponders for a minute.
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Chronologically, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Batman?"
"Robin, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."