Carnie Jokes
Did you hear about the circus fire?
Yeah, it was in'tents'.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up!
How do you get a retired carnie off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
What is the gooey red stuff between an elephant's toes?
Slow clowns.
Did you hear about the circus clown funeral?
All his friends came in one car.
How do you make a juggler laugh?
You tickle his balls.
Why did the elephant leave the circus?
He was tired of working for peanuts.
What do you call a fish that tastes funny?
A clownfish.
How do you kill a circus clown?
Go for the juggler!
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny!
What do you call a woman falling in love with a carnie?
Juggle Fever.
What is an animals favorite carnival ride?
The Ferrets Wheel.
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus?
Because he couldn't get his stilton.
Why don't sharks eat clowns?
They taste funny.
What do crazy people do at a carnival?
Go on an emotional roller coaster.
Did you hear about Simon Cowell's latest carnival attraction?
It's called the "Not Really Fun House".
What do you call a PC carnival game?
"Guess what weight I should be."
How is being at the singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.
Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown it's all screaming.
I manufactured clown shoes.....which was no small feat.
Yesterday a clown opened the door for me. I thought it was a nice jester.
My departed uncle was a circus clown. After he died all his friends came to the funeral in one car.
Is your dad a carnie (carnival worker) Because I want you sit to on my face while I try to guess your weight.
Lets play circus, first sit on my face i'll guess ur weight and i'll eat the difference.
The Juggler
A circus performer was pulled over by a Carnie officer for speeding. As the officer was writing the ticket, she noticed several machetes in the car.
"What are those for?" she asked suspiciously.
"I'm a juggler," the man replied. "I use those in my act."
"Well, show me," the officer demanded.
So he got out the machetes and started juggling them, first three, then more, finally seven at one time, overhand, underhand, behind the back, putting on a dazzling show and amazing the officer.
Another car passed by. The driver did a double take, and said, "My God. I've got to give up drinking! Look at the test they're giving now."
Lion Tamer Wanted
A ringmaster runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up.
One is a retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous
blonde in her mid-twenties.
The ringmaster tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is
one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or
you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, a whip and a gun. Who
wants to try out first?"
The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and
the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and
pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open
her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks,
then sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.
The ringmasters jaw is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, "Can you top that?"
The tough old golfer replies, "No problem, just get that lion out of there."
Two Cannibals
Two cannibals walk into a bar and sit beside this clown.
The first cannibal wacks the clown on the head and they both start eating the clown.
Suddenly the second cannibal looks up and says, "Hey, do you taste something funny?"