Carnie Jokes


Did you hear about the circus fire?
Yeah, it was in'tents'.

What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up!

How do you get a retired carnie off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.

What is the gooey red stuff between an elephant's toes?
Slow clowns.

Did you hear about the circus clown funeral?
All his friends came in one car.

How do you make a juggler laugh?
You tickle his balls.

Why did the elephant leave the circus?
He was tired of working for peanuts.

How do you kill a circus clown?
Go for the juggler!

Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny!

Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus?
Because he couldn't get his stilton.

Why don't sharks eat clowns?
They taste funny.

How is being at the singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.

Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown it's all screaming.

I manufactured clown shoes.....which was no small feat.

My departed uncle was a circus clown. After he died all his friends came to the funeral in one car.

Is your dad a carnie (carnival worker) Because I want you sit to on my face while I try to guess your weight.

Lets play circus, first sit on my face i'll guess ur weight and i'll eat the difference.

The Juggler
A circus performer was pulled over by a Carnie officer for speeding. As the officer was writing the ticket, she noticed several machetes in the car.
"What are those for?" she asked suspiciously.
"I'm a juggler," the man replied. "I use those in my act."
"Well, show me," the officer demanded.
So he got out the machetes and started juggling them, first three, then more, finally seven at one time, overhand, underhand, behind the back, putting on a dazzling show and amazing the officer.
Another car passed by. The driver did a double take, and said, "My God. I've got to give up drinking! Look at the test they're giving now."

Lion Tamer Wanted
A ringmaster runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blonde in her mid-twenties.

The ringmaster tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, a whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"

The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, then sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.

The ringmasters jaw is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, "Can you top that?"

The tough old golfer replies, "No problem, just get that lion out of there."

Two Cannibals
Two cannibals walk into a bar and sit beside this clown.
The first cannibal wacks the clown on the head and they both start eating the clown.
Suddenly the second cannibal looks up and says, "Hey, do you taste something funny?"

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