Brunette Jokes


Why can't brunettes "tease" their hair?
Because it's not funny.

What do you call picking up a brunette from a bar?
Brown-Bagging it.

What do brunettes look forward to later on in life?
Grey Hair

What's the difference between a light bulb and a brunette?
You can unscrew a light bulb.

If you're not dating a brunette, raise your hand. If you are, raise your standards.

Did you hear about the brunette that put Odor Eaters in her shoes?
She disappeared.

Why did God give Brunettes vaginas?
So men would talk to them.

Why don't brunettes take showers?
Oil and water don't mix.

How does a brunette commit suicide?
She gathers all her overalls into a pile and jumps off.

Why are there no dumb brunettes?
Peroxide.

What pickup lines do Brunettes hear the most?
"How now, brown cow?"

Why does Indiana have brunettes and California have earthquakes?
California had first choice.

Why is a brunette like my bed?
They both get turned down every night

Why are brunettes like rocks?
You skip the flat ones.

What is "making love"?
Something a brunette does while a man is fucking her.

Did you hear about the nursery rhyme with Brunettes?
Humpme Dumpme.

Why do brunettes give great head?
They'll swallow anything.

When do brunettes eat lots of beans?
Before they take a bubble bath.

What do you call a brunette who uses birth control?
A Humanitarian.

What is a brunettes favorite deorderant?
RAID.

Why do brunettes like their hair color?
It hides the dirt.

What's white and found in a brunette's underwear?
Clitty litter.

What do brunettes use for birth control?
Their personalities

Whats the difference between a brunette and a brick?
At least a brick gets laid.

How does a brunette keep her youth?
She gives him lots of money.

How does every Brunette joke begin?
By looking over your shoulder!

What's the difference between brunette pussy and a bowling ball?
You could eat a bowling ball if you had to.

How can two brunettes become invisible in a crowd of three?
When they're with a blonde.

What do brunettes and toilet seats have in common?
Without the hole in the middle, neither one is worth a shit.

Why did the brunette cross the road?
Who cares? Why isn't she in the kitchen fixing dinner?

What did the brunette say when her dog started licking her face?
"Down Boy"

What's the difference between a hockey player and a brunette?
The hockey player showers after three periods.

What happens when a brunette forgets to pay her garbage bill?
They stop delivering.

Why do brunettes take vibrators to the beach?
They like to "Shake & Bake".

Why did the brunette have twelve pairs of panties?
One for each month.

How does a brunette spice up her love life?
She changes the batteries.

Why are brunettes so strong?
They have to support themselves.

Why did god invent alcohol?
So brunettes could get laid, too.

How do brunettes get rid of roaches?
They ask for commitment.

How many brunettes does it take to stop a runaway bus?
Not Enough.

Why are hangovers better than brunettes?
Hangovers go away.

Why did the brunette take a job at the loading dock?
She loved taking deliveries in the rear.

What do you call a brunette with a million dollars?
A Cash Cow.

How do you know your at a brunette wedding?
The bridesmaids are all wearing bowling shirts.

What do you call a 300 pound brunette?
Anorexic.

What's the worst advice you can give to a brunette?
Be yourself.

How do you hide money from a brunette?
Put it in the bathtub.

Did you hear about brunette midgets?
They're only half as ugly.

What does a brunette put behind her ears to attract men?
Her kness.

Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
It matches their mustache.

Did you hear about the hairy brunette?
She went to the zoo and the monkeys started singing "We Are Family".

Why did God create brunettes?
So fat guys would have someone to date.

What does a brunette miss most about a party?
The invitation.

What's the difference between a sumo wrestler and a brunette?
A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.

How do you piss off your brunette girlfriend during sex?
Call her on her phone.

Brunettes have feelings, too.
But who cares?

Why is a brunette like a laxative?
They both irritate the shit out of you.

Who won the brunette beauty contest?
Nobody.

Why are there no dumb brunette jokes?
Because blondes would have to think them up.

Did you hear about the brunette who was smoking hot?
Her father was a plastic surgeon.

Boy: "I named my dog after you"
Brunette Girl: ‘Aww because it's cute.'
Boy: "No, because it's a b*tch."

The princess emoji may be a blonde, but the wife emoji is a brunette.

We all have one brunette friend that claims to be a "dirty blonde"

Being brunette is living proof that bad things happen to good people.

A brunette tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian...."
The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"

I dumped my girlfriend after finding out how much she hated brunettes.
Not nearly enough

Brunettes are a lot like anal sex. They are both a pain in the ass.

Birth Control

So I was recently reading that condoms are effective only 97% of the time and I thought that's not good enough.

So I tried getting my girlfriend to use the pill, this is apparently 98% effective.

So then I tried the female condom, and found that to be 99% effective.

But after all this I still strove for a method that is 100% effective.

So yesterday I dyed my hair brown.

Genie
A blonde who can't stand brunettes is walking in the forest when all of a sudden she sees a magic lamp on the ground.
Thinking to herself, "It always works in the movies," and so proceeds to pick up and rub the lamp.
A genie immediately emerges from the spout and says,"I will grant you 3 wishes, but whatever you wish for, all the brunettes in the world will receive double the amount you receive. Do you understand?"
"Yes I understand," says the blonde, "And for my first wish, I want you to give me an incredibly handsome man."
"Do you understand that all the brunettes in the world will receive 2 incredibly handsome men?" asks the genie.
The blonde replies yes and so an incredibly handsome man pops up beside her.
"For my second wish," says the pleased blond, "I want you to give me 1 million dollars."
"Do you understand that all the brunettes in the world will receive 2 million dollars?" said the genie.
The blonde replies yes and a large pile of money pops up on her other side.
Growing even more excited the blonde says calmly, "Lastly - you see that stick over there? I want you to beat me half to death with it."

Rich & Poor

A rich man and a poor man are both buying anniversary gifts for their wives.
"What are you getting your wife?" asks the poor man.
And the rich man says "I'm getting her a diamond ring and a Marcedes."
"Why both?" asks the poor man.
And the rich man says "That way if she doesn't like the ring she can still enjoy the Marcedes when she returns the ring."
And then the rich man asks the poor man "What are you getting your wife?"
And the poor man says "She's a brunette, i'm buying her a pair of slippers and a dildo. That way if she doesn't like the slippers she can go fuck herself."

Dining Alone
A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a gorgeous brunette sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back.
'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.'
They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theatre followed by drinks... They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.
After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time..
The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!
'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman.. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'
'No,' she replies. . .. 'You just happened to catch my eye.'

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