Bodybuilder Jokes
Did you hear about the weightlifting vegetable?
He was a muscle sprout.
What does a bodybuilder do for cardio?
He lifts weights faster.
What do you call terrorist that's ripped?
Osama Bin Liftin.
I don't always take a rest day but when I do,
It's to give the weights a day off.
Why did the blonde get a perm?
Because her trainer said curls might help.
What does leg day and sex have in common?
When done right you can't walk for days.
What is a bodybuilders favorite show on Netflix?
Stronger Things.
Why couldn't the bodybuilder get evicted?
Because he was squatting.
What happened when the bodybuilder brought a lion to the gym?
He got ripped to shreds.
I asked a bodybuilder "Do you need to eat eggs to get jacked?"
He said "No Whey!"
Why do hamburgers go to the gym?
To get better buns.
What does a bodybuilder think before he deadlifts?
Don't Fart....Don't Fart.....
Why did the fish stop lifting weights?
He pulled a mussel.
Why did the bodybuilder grab a new shirt?
Someone told him he was ripped.
How do you get revenge on your ex-boyfriend?
Do some squats and make him wish he still had dat ass.
Why do oysters go to the gym?
It's good for the mussel.
Don't Cha wish your girlfriend could squat like me!
I got 99 problems because that's how many muscles are sore.
My average leg day is doing diddly squat.
Someone call CSI, I just killed my workout.
I asked a bodybuilder what he does for cardio and he said "I lift weights faster"
That moment you realize the squats are paying off.
I could bench press your boyfriend.
That day when you no longer have to photoshop your gains.
If lifting was easy, it would be called "Your Mom".
Mr. T doesn't lift weights because it infers that he has limits to his strength.
"I'm gonna lose weight. I'm gonna lift and exercise everyday. I'm gonna go on a diet and stick to it." ....... "Is that cake?"
Iron Man
Three guys were talking in the local bar. The manager was so sure that its bouncer was the strongest man around that it offered a standing $1,000 bet that no could beat him.
The challenge was that the bouncer would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran out into a beer glass, then hand the lemon to the customer. Anyone who could squeeze even one more drop out of the lemon would win the money.
Over the years many people had tried this, truck drivers, weightlifters, karate masters, and all had failed. Then one day this geeky little fella with heavy black rimmed glasses came into the bar and asked if he could try the challenge.
After the laughter had subsided the landlord said that it was only fair that the man be given a chance at the bet, so he picked up a lemon and started squeezing. Once he was done he handed the remains to the little man who promptly squeezed out 4 more drops of juice onto the bar!
Everyone looked on in amazement as the landlord handed over the prize and asked "What do you do for a living that has given you such strength? Are you a construction worker, Mixed Martial Arts fighter, what?" "No" the man replied, "I work for the IRS."
Pounds of Dynamite
A strong man barges into a bar feeling all pumped up to bang a chick.
He is confronted with this sexy bimbo waitress who falls head over heals for him.
The guy shows off his muscles and winks at this girl, she responds with A flying kiss of her own.
This continues for a while when finally the girl invites this dude to sleep with her at her place.
He accepts gleefully.
In the room
The girl is lying on the bed and the hunk starts to strip off.
He takes off his shirt pointing towards his biceps, says
"Look at them, these are one thousand pounds of dynamite"
The girl gets blown away at this sight.
Next goes off his pants and the focus is on his thighs, saying
"Look at them, these are one thousand pounds of dynamite"
Now she's starting to get wet and all ready for the trailor to ride home as the only thing left are the underpants.
Muscle maniac pulls out the jack pot and lets loose of his jumbo.
On sight of his dick the girl,
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh........... Get away from me" runs away.
The guy eventually catches up and asks
"What the hell happened?"
Girl "Danger! Danger! I had to go, I was scared"
Guy "What do you mean?"
Girl "With two thousand pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse I thought you were about to explode"
Television Commercial
An overweight man sees an ad on his TV, for a guaranteed 5 lb. a week weight loss program.
He decides, "what the hell", and calls and purchases it.
A week later a beautiful woman shows up at his door wearing nothing but a pair of running shoes, a smile, and a sign around her neck which read, "if you can catch me you can have me", and she started running. He followed. This continued everyday for that week, guaranteed, he lost five lbs.
After that, the man saw an ad for a 7 lb. a week weight loss program, which he signs up for.
The next day, an even more beatiful woman shows up at his door in similar conditions, and she started running.
But this time, he almost caught her.
But, guaranteed, he lost 7 lbs. that week.
He then signs up for the MAXPRO 10 lb. a week program.
The next day, a 300 lb. muscle man shows up at his door wearing nothing but a pair of running shoes, a raging erectiona and a sign around his neck which read, "If I can catch you, I can have you."
The man lost 17 lbs. that week