I got fired from my job at the bank today.
An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
When does it rain money?
When there is "change" in the weather.
What do you call the new girl at the bank?
What do you call a man with a head full of change?
How did the Banker die?
He Cashed Out
Where do penguins keep their money?
In a snow bank!
Why is a river rich?
Because it has two banks.
Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
He wanted cold hard cash!
What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish?
A Loan shark!
Why did the duck go to the bank?
Because he wanted to get a new bill.
What do fish use for money?
Did you hear about the Gold Digger?
She enjoys long romantic walks to the Bank of America.
Where does a fish keep his money
In the River Bank!
Why did the idiot over draw his checking account?
Because he had no cents.
Why did banks want to return all the government bailout money ASAP?
Because they were upset at all the hidden fees!
Why did the bank robber in a Pittsburgh Steelers jacket get away?
He was surrounded by people in Arizona Cardinals jackets who couldn't catch him!
Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
If money dosnt grow on trees why do banks have branches?
Money is not the root of all evil, Jealousy is.
Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, make him CEO of Goldman Sachs and he can rob the world.
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
England doesn t have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a bank account. He just tells the bank how much he needs.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
I was going to make a joke about Bank Of America, but I lost interest.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
What did the one penny, say to the other penny?
Money jokes are priceless, At least that's my two cents on it.
An attractive man and a blonde meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100."
The woman slightly annoyed gets off the elevator.
The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
"Sperm bank," she mumbles with her mouth full.
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman get twisted at the local pub one night and conspire to rob the local bank. Drunk as they are, they try and rob the place but are too drunk to pull it off. As the alarms scream, they leg it out of the bank and down the alley. Hot on their heals are the cops, responding to the alarm. As the three drunks round a bend, they spot a Cats and Dogs Home and jump over the fence into the kennel yard. They see three burlap sacks lying on the ground and they each crawl into an empty bag. The cops leap over the fence behind them and spot the three bulging sacks on the ground. One cop kicks the first sack and the Englishman says, "Bark! Bark!" "Ah, must be a dog!" says the cop and he kicks the second sack. The Scotsman says, "Meow!" and the cop nods his head, exclaiming, "Must be cats!" and turns his focus on the last sack, kicking it sharply. The Irishman cries out, "Potatoes!"
"A Japanese man walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 2000 yen and walked out with $72.
The following week, he walked in with another 2000 yen, and was handed $66.
He asked the teller why he got less money that week than the previous week.
The teller said, "Fluctuations."
The Japanese man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted, "Fluc you Amelicans, too!"
Two accountants go to their credit union on their lunch break, when armed robbers burst in.
While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, and other valuables.
While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number two's hand.
Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, "What is this?" to which accountant number one replies, "it's that $50 I owe you."
The earthquake is now causing trouble for Japans banking industry.
Origami bank has folded.
Sumo bank has gone belly up.
Bonsai bank has cut back some of its branches.
Karoake bank has been put up for sale and is going for a song.
Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank and staff there fear they may get a raw deal.
Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived and 500 jobs at Karate Bank will be chopped