What did the Architect name his children?
Frank, Lloyd, and Wright.
Why did the Architect dip his finger in blue ink?
To get a blue print.
Do you want to hear a Architect joke?
Oh sorry I'm still working on it.
Why wasn't the architecture professor at school?
Because he sprained her angle!
What did the structural engineer say to the architect?
What do you call an architect holding a fishing rod?
Why are there no architects in heaven?
Because Jesus was a carpenter.
What does a female architect want?
A model husband.
What kind of tree does an architect climb?
How can an architect make you love your house even more?
By telling you the cost of a new one.
What did the architect say to the circle?
What did the architect say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Student: "I'm cold"
Architecture Professor: "Then go to the corner!"
Architecture Professor: "Because it's 90 degrees!"
Architects have great plans.
Architects never dies they just end their erections.
An architect who can't stop talking about his job has an edifice complex.
Wife and Mistress
An architect, an artist, and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?" asked the architect and artist in unison.
The engineer replied, "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume that you are spending time with the other woman, so you can go to the office and get some work done."
Three freshman engineering students were sitting together at lunch time, when one brought up the question of who designed the human body.
One of the students insisted that the human body must have been designed by an electrical engineer because of the perfection of the nerves and synapses.
Another disagreed, and proclaimed that it had to have been a mechanical engineer who designed the human body. The system of levers and pullies is ingeniuos.
"No," the third student said "your both wrong. The human body was designed by an architect. Who else but an architect would have put a toxic waste line through a recreation area?"
A doctor, an architect, and an attorney were dining at the country club one
day, and the conversation turned to the subject of their respective dogs, which
were apparently quite extraordinary. A wager was placed on who had the most
The physician offered to show his dog first, and called to the parking lot,
"Hippocrates, come!" Hippocrates ran in, and was told by the doctor to
do his stuff. Hippocrates ran to the golf course and dug for a while, producing
a number of bones. He dragged the bones into the country club, and assembled
them into a complete, fully articulated human skeleton. The physician patted
Hippocrates on the head, and gave him a cookie for his efforts.
The architect was only marginally impressed, and called for his dog, "Sliderule,
come!" Sliderule ran in, and was told to do his stuff. The dog immediately
chewed the skeleton to rubble, but reassembled the fragments into a scale model
of the Taj Mahal. The architect patted his dog and gave him a cookie.
The attorney watched the other two dogs, and called "Bullshit, come!"
Bullshit entered and was told to do his stuff. Bullshit immediately fucked the
other two dogs, stole their cookies, auctioned the Taj Mahal replica to the
other club members for his fee, and went outside to play golf.
An architect came home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man.
So he dragged the man down the stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vise.
He secured it tightly, super glued it shut, and removed the handle.
Then he picked up a hacksaw.
The man, terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to..to..Cut it off, are you?"
The husband said, with a horrible gleam of revenge in his eye, "Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire!"
There was this Spanish guy, this Korean guy and this Russian guy all working for the same construction company. At the beginning of the day the architect comes out and says to the Spanish guy, "You're in charge of the cement."
Then he said to the Russian guy, "You're in charge of the dirt."
Then he said to the Korean guy, "You're in charge of the supplies."
Then he said, "I'm gonna be back at the end of the day to check on your work. It better be good or you're fired."
So they all go off to go get their work done.
At the end of the day, the boss comes back to check on their work. He looks at the big pile of cement and goes, "Good work," to the Spanish guy. Then he looks at the big pile of dirt and says, "Good work," to the Russian guy. Then he couldn't find the Korean guy so he asks, "Where the heck is the Korean guy??"
All of a sudden, the Korean guy jumps out from behind the big pile of dirt and yells, " SUPPLIES!"