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West Virginia Jokes


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Short West Virginia Jokes

Q: What do West Virginians do on Halloween?
A: Pump kin!

Q: Did you hear that the governor's mansion in West Virginia burned down?
A: Almost took out the whole trailer park.

Q: What's the difference between Virginia and West Virginia?
A: In Virginia, Moosehead is a beer. In West Virginia it's a misdemeanor.

Q: Why do ducks fly over West Virginia upside down?
A: There's nothing worth craping on!

Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in West Virginia?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.

Q. What's the difference between a Marshall University sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.

Q: How do you know the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia?
A: If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.

Q: Why do Marshall grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the Marshall University campus?
A: A visitor.

Q: Why did Forrest Gump choose 'Bama over West Virginia?
A: He wanted an academic challenge!

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Marshall University library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of West Virginia's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q: What does the average Marshall University student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.

Q: How many Marshall University freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.

Q: How do you make University of West Virginia cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Q: If you have a car containing a Mountaineers wide receiver, a Mountaineers linebacker, and a Mountaineers defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in West Virginia?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.

Q: How do you casterate an West Virginia Mountaineers fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: Whats the difference between the West Virginia Mountaineers and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!

Q: Why do Marshall Thundering Herd students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!

Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Marshall Thundering Herd campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.

Q: What does a Thundering Herd grad call a Mountaineers grad in 5 years?
A: Boss!

I'm not saying Moutaineers basketball players are dumb, but the coach is dressing six players for this Saturdays game.
The rest will dress themselves.

Q: Why is "The Wave" banned in Joan C. Edwards Stadium?
A: Two Thundering Herd fans drowned last year.

Q: Why did the Wisconsin regents decide to cover Milan Puskar Stadium in cardboard?
A: Because the Mountaineers always look better on paper.

Q: What happens when blondes move from Kentucky to West Virginia?
A: Both states become smarter!

Q: Why aren't Marshall cheerleaders allowed to do the splits?
A: They stick to the ground.

Q: Why do all the trees in Kentucky lean east?
A: West Virginia Sucks

Q: What does a girl from Morgantown do if she's not in bed by 10pm?
A: Go Home.

Q: Why do West Virginia Mountaineers basketball players use body heat activated deodorant?
A: Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree".

Q: Why do Marshall students have such beautiful noses?
A: They're hand picked.

Q: Why did West Virginia disband its water polo team?
A: All the horses drowned.

Q: What's the difference between a Fairmont State University and toilet paper?
A: About $50,000 per sheet.

Q: What does it say on the back of every Fairmont State University diploma?
A: Will Work For Food.

Q: Why did the Blue Ridge Community College grad cross the road?
A: Better question why is he out of jail?

Q: How does a dumb blonde get into college?
A: She applies to Fairmont State.

Q: Why should the West Virginia Mountaineers change their uniforms to Orange?
A: So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.

Q: What's the one thing that keeps Mountaineers basketball players from graduating?
A: Going to Class.

Q: Why did the Marshall football team cross the road?
A: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.

Q: How is a Morgantown girl different from a bowling ball?
A: Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.

Q: What do West Virginia grads use for Birth Control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: How do you break a Marshall grads finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.

Q: How do you get a Marshall Thundering Herd fan to laugh all weekend long?
A: Tell him a joke Monday morning.

Q: Why do Marshall fans smell so bad?
A: So blind people can hate them too.

Q: Why did West Virginia change their field from grass to artificial turf?
A: To keep the Mountaineers cheerleaders from grazing the field at halftime.

Q: Did you hear that 9 out of 10 coeds are good looking?
A: The other one goes to Fairmont State.

Q: Whats the difference between Morgantown and yogurt?
A: Yogurt has an active living culture.

Q: Why do the West Virginia Mountaineers eat cereal straight from the box?
A: They choke whenever they get near a bowl.

Q: What's the difference between Milan Puskar Stadium and a cactus?
A: The cactus has its pricks on the outside.

Q: What separates a good team from a great team?
A: The West Virginia-Ohio border.

Q: How do you confuse an Marshall student?
A: You can't they were born that way.

Q: How do you get from Columbus, OH to Morgantown, WV?
A: Go east until you smell shit and south until you step in it.

Q: What will you never hear a Fairmont State grad say?
A: "I have reviewed your application......"

Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at Marshall University?
A: They cause too much brain damage!

Q: What should you do if you find three University Of West Virginia football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between an West Virginia fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in West Virginia?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.

Q. How did the Marshall grad die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What is the definition of a West Virginia virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..

Q: What do they call students who go to Marshall?
A: Rejects from West Virginia!

Q: What does a West Virginia fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: What do you call a West Virginia mountaineer in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.

Q: What do West Virginia and Marshall students have in common?
A: They both got in to Marshall

Q: What's the difference between an West Virginia football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.

Q: Did you hear that Marshall's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: How many Marshall grads does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!

Q: What are the best four years of an Marshall grads life?
A: Third grade

Q: What does a West Virginia native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of West Virginia have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.

Q: What do the University of West Virginia and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Q. How do they separate the men from the boys in West Virginia?
A. With a restraining order.

Q. What's the first thing an Marshall University girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.

Q: What do you call an West Virginia football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!

Q: What is a West Virginia fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Connecticut."

Q: Why does a Mountaineers fan pour his cereal on a plate?
A: He lost his bowls.

Q: How do you stop a West Virginia fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Connecticut Blue!

Q: What did the West Virginia female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!

Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a Mountaineers fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at Mountaineers games anymore?
A: The student who knew the recipe graduated

Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in West Virginia?
A: No one would look for them.

Elevator
A country bumpkin family from West Virginia decides to go to the Big Apple for the first Time in their lives; Maw, Paw and their son.

They go into the Empire State Building. As they're walking around they notice the elevator.

Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered.

While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes.

The West Virginia redneck family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up. They continue to watch as the numbers go down again.

The door opens and out walks this tall gorgeous blonde. Legs to her neck. Great figure. Beautiful!

Paw looks at his son and says, "Quick boy, shove yer Maw in there!"

Falling in Love
A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was a Rutgers Scarlett Knights fan and he was a Syracuse Orangemen fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a Scarlett Knights fan.

He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be an Rutgers Scarlet Knights fan."

The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?"

The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO MOUNTAINEERS!"

Sheep Coitus

A West Virginia Moutaineers fan and a Pittsburgh Panthers fan were driving along when all of a sudden the West Virginia fan slams on the brakes.

There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the West Virginia fan said "We Mountaineers never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.

Then he says to the Pittsburgh fan, "Your turn"...

And the Panthers fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.

Cemetary
One Day This Kid And His Mom Were Walking Past A Cemetery When They Past A Grave And the Kid Stopped To Read It.

He Read Aloud " Here Lies A West Virginia Graduate And A Great Man."

The Kid Then Says " Mom I Dont Get It."

The Mom Says "Why Not?"

The Kid Says "Why Are there 2 People Burried here?"

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