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Short Washington Jokes
Q. What's the difference between a Central Washington University sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.
Q: What's the only thing that grows in Seattle?
A: The Crime Rate!
Q: What's the only thing that grows in Seattle?
A: The swelling from your head from getting jacked!
Q: Why do Washington State University grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the Central Washington University campus?
A: A visitor.
Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Washington?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Q: What does a Cougars grad call a Huskies grad in 5 years?
I'm not saying Huskies basketball players are dumb, but the coach is dressing six players for this Saturdays game.
The rest will dress themselves.
Q: Why is "The Wave" banned in Martin Stadium?
A: Two Cougars fans drowned last year.
Q: Why did the Washington regents decide to cover Husky Stadium in cardboard?
A: Because the Huskies always look better on paper.
Q: What happens when blondes move from Oregon to Washington?
A: Both states become smarter!
Q: Why aren't Central Washington cheerleaders allowed to do the splits?
A: They stick to the ground.
Q: Why do all the trees in Oregon lean north?
A: Washington Sucks
Q: What does a girl from Spokane do if she's not in bed by 10pm?
A: Go Home.
Q: Why do Washington Huskies basketball players use body heat activated deodorant?
A: Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree".
Q: Why do Eastern Washington students have such beautiful noses?
A: They're hand picked.
Q: Why did Washington disband its water polo team?
A: All the horses drowned.
Q: What's the difference between a Eastern Washington diploma and toilet paper?
A: About $50,000 per sheet.
Q: What does it say on the back of every Central Washington diploma?
A: Will Work For Food.
Q: Why did the Tacoma Community College grad cross the road?
A: Better question why is he out of jail?
Q: How does a dumb blonde get into college?
A: She applies to Eastern Washington.
Q: Why should the Washington State Cougars change their uniforms to Orange?
A: So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.
Q: What's the one thing that keeps Huskies basketball players from graduating?
A: Going to Class.
Q: Why did the Washington State Cougars football team cross the road?
A: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.
Q: How is a Tacoma girl different from a bowling ball?
A: Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.
Q: What do Gonzaga grads use for Birth Control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How do you break a Eastern Washington grads finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.
Q: How do you get a Washington State fan to laugh all weekend long?
A: Tell him a joke Monday morning.
Q: Why do Central Washington fans smell so bad?
A: So blind people can hate them too.
Q: Why did Washington State change their field from grass to artificial turf?
A: To keep the Cougars cheerleaders from grazing the field at halftime.
Q: Did you hear that 9 out of 10 coeds are good looking?
A: The other one goes to Gonzaga.
Q: Whats the difference between Tacoma and yogurt?
A: Yogurt has an active living culture.
Q: Why do the Washington Huskies eat cereal straight from the box?
A: They choke whenever they get near a bowl.
Q: What's the difference between Husky Stadium and a cactus?
A: The cactus has its pricks on the outside.
Q: What separates a good team from a great team?
A: The Oregon-Washington border.
Q: How do you confuse an Eastern Washington student?
A: You can't they were born that way.
Q: How do you get from Eugene, OR to Seattle, WA?
A: Go north until you smell shit and east until you step in it.
Q: What will you never hear a Central Washington grad say?
A: "I have reviewed your application......"
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Central Washington University library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Washington's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
Q: What does the average Washington State University student get on his SAT?
Q: How many Washington State University freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Q: How do you make University of Washington cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
Q: If you have a car containing a Huskies wide receiver, a Huskies linebacker, and a Huskies defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Washington?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.
Q: How do you casterate an Washington Huskies fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: Whats the difference between the Washington Huskies and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!
Q: Why do Washington students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!
Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Washington State Cougars campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.
Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at Washington State University?
A: They cause too much brain damage!
Q: What should you do if you find three University Of Washington football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between an Washington State fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Washington?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Q. How did the Washington State Cougar die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What is the definition of a Washington virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..
Q: What do they call students who go to Washington State?
A: Rejects from Washington!
Q: What does a Washington Huskies fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: What do you call a Washington Husky in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.
Q: What do Washington and Washington State students have in common?
A: They both got in to Washington State
Q: What's the difference between an Washington football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.
Q: Did you hear that Washington's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: How many Washington State Cougars does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!
Q: What are the best four years of an Washington State Cougars life?
A: Third grade
Q: What does a Washington native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from Washington State University have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.
Q: What do the University of Washington and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!
Q. How do they separate the men from the boys in Washington?
A. With a restraining order.
Q. What's the first thing a Washington girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.
Q: What do you call an Washington State football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!
Q: What is a Huskies fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Oregon."
Q: Why does a Huskies fan pour his cereal on a plate?
A: He lost his bowls.
Q: How do you stop a Huskies fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Oregon Yellow and Green!
Q: What did the Washington female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!
Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a Huskies fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at Huskies games anymore?
A: The student who knew the recipe graduated
Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in Washington?
A: No one would look for them.
Falling in Love
A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was an Washington State Cougars fan and he was a Oregon State Beavers fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a Cougars fan.
He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be an WSU Cougars fan."
The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?"
The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO HUSKIES!"
A Utah Utes fan and a Washington State Cougars fan were driving along when all of a sudden the Utah fan slams on the brakes.
There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the Utah fan said "We Utes never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.
Then he says to the WSU fan, "Your turn"...
And the Cougars fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.
One Day This Kid And His Mom Were Walking Past A Cemetery When They Past A Grave And the Kid Stopped To Read It.
He Read Aloud " Here Lies A Washington State Graduate And A Great Man."
The Kid Then Says " Mom I Dont Get It."
The Mom Says "Why Not?"
The Kid Says "Why Are there 2 People Burried here?"
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