Virginia Jokes

Short Virginia Jokes

Q. What's the difference between a Radford University sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.

Q: What's the only thing that grows in Virginia Beach?
A: The swelling from your head from getting jacked!

Q: What's the difference between Virginia and West Virginia?
A: In Virginia, Moosehead is a beer. In West Virginia it's a misdemeanor.

Q: Why do Radford grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the Radford University campus?
A: A visitor.

Q: If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware?
A: Idaho... Alaska!

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Virginia library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in Virgina Tech's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q: What does the average Virginia Tech University student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.

Q: What's harder than a loner Korean getting admission to Virginia Tech?
A: Nothing.

Q: How many Virginia Tech University freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.

Q: How do you make University of Virginia Tech cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Q: If you have a car containing a Hokies wide receiver, a Hokies linebacker, and a Hokies defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Virginia?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.

Q: How do you casterate a Virginia Tech fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: Whats the difference between the Virginia Tech Hokies and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!

Q: Why do Virginia Techs students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!

Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Virginia Tech's campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.

Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at the University of Virginia?
A: They cause too much brain damage!

Q: What should you do if you find three Virginia Tech Hokies football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What does a Cavaliers grad call a Hokies grad in 5 years?
A: Boss!

I'm not saying Virginia Tech basketball players are dumb, but the coach is dressing six players for this Saturdays game.
The rest will dress themselves.

Q: Why is "The Wave" banned in Lane Stadium?
A: Two Hokies fans drowned last year.

Q: Why did the Virginia regents decide to cover Scott Stadium in cardboard?
A: Because the Cavaliers always look better on paper.

Q: What happens when blondes move from Maryland to Virginia?
A: Both states become smarter!

Q: Why aren't Virginia Commonwealth cheerleaders allowed to do the splits?
A: They stick to the ground.

Q: Why do all the trees in North Carolina lean north?
A: Virginia Sucks

Q: What does a girl from Richmond do if she's not in bed by 10pm?
A: Go Home.

Q: Why do Virginia Tech basketball players use body heat activated deodorant?
A: Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree".

Q: Why do George Mason students have such beautiful noses?
A: They're hand picked.

Q: Why did VCU disband its water polo team?
A: All the horses drowned.

Q: What's the difference between a VCU diploma and toilet paper?
A: About $50,000 per sheet.

Q: What does it say on the back of every George Washington diploma?
A: Will Work For Food.

Q: Why did the Tidewater Community College grad cross the road?
A: Better question why is he out of jail?

Q: How does a dumb blonde get into college?
A: She applies to VCU.

Q: Why did the Virginia Cavaliers change their uniforms to Orange?
A: So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.

Q: What's the one thing that keeps Virginia Tech basketball players from graduating?
A: Going to Class.

Q: Why did the Cavaliers football team cross the road?
A: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.

Q: How is a Fairfax girl different from a bowling ball?
A: Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.

Q: What do John Hopkins grads use for Birth Control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: How do you break a Virginia Tech grads finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.

Q: How do you get a VCU fan to laugh all weekend long?
A: Tell him a joke Monday morning.

Q: Why do George Mason fans smell so bad?
A: So blind people can hate them too.

Q: Why did Virginia Tech change their field from grass to artificial turf?
A: To keep the Hokies cheerleaders from grazing the field at halftime.

Q: Did you hear that 9 out of 10 coeds are good looking?
A: The other one goes to George Mason.

Q: Whats the difference between Charlottesville and yogurt?
A: Yogurt has an active living culture.

Q: Why do the Virginia Tech Hokies eat cereal straight from the box?
A: They choke whenever they get near a bowl.

Q: What state is full of virgins?
A: Virginia.

Q: What's the difference between Scott Stadium and a cactus?
A: The cactus has its pricks on the outside.

Q: What separates a good team from a great team?
A: The North Carolina-Virginia border.

Q: How do you confuse a VCU student?
A: You can't they were born that way.

Q: How do you get from Blacksburg to Charlottesville?
A: Go north until you smell shit and east until you step in it.

Q: What will you never hear a George Washington grad say?
A: "I have reviewed your application......"

Q: What's the difference between an Virginia Tech Hokies fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Virginia?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.

Q. How did the Virginia Tech Hokie die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: How do you get a man in Virginia to do sit-ups?
A: Put the remote control between his toes..

Q: What do they call students who go to Virginia Tech?
A: Rejects from Univeristy of Virginia!

Q: What does a Virginia Tech fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation.

Q: What do you call an Virginia Cavalier in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.

Q: What do Virginia and Virginia Tech students have in common?
A: They both got in to Virginia Tech

Q: What's the difference between a Virginia Tech football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.

Q: Did you hear that Virginia's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: How many Virginia Tech Hokies does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!

Q: What are the best four years of an Virginia Tech Hokies life?
A: Third grade

Q: What does a Virginia native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of Virginia have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.

Q: What do the University of Virginia and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Q. How do they separate the men from the boys in Virginia?
A. With a restraining order.

Q. What's the first thing a Virginia Tech girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.

Q: What do you call a Virginia football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!

Q: What is a Cavaliers fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Virginia Tech."

Q: Why does a Hokies fan pour his cereal on a plate?
A: He lost his bowls.

Q: How do you stop an Cavaliers fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Chicago Maroon and Burnt Orange!

Q: What did the Virginia female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!

Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a Hokies fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at Hokies games anymore?
A: The student who knew the recipe graduated

Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in Virginia?
A: No one would look for them.

Falling in Love
A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was an Virgina Cavaliers fan and he was a Duke Blue Devils fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a Cavaliers fan.

He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be an Virginia Cavaliers fan."

The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?"

The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO HOKIES!"

Sheep Coitus

A Virginia Tech Hokies fan and a Virginia Cavaliers fan were driving along when all of a sudden the Hokies fan slams on the brakes.

There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the Virginia Tech fan said "We Hokies never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.

Then he says to the Virginia fan, "Your turn"...

And the Cavaliers fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.

One Day This Kid And His Mom Were Walking Past A Cemetery When They Past A Grave And the Kid Stopped To Read It.

He Read Aloud " Here Lies A Virigina Tech Graduate And A Great Man."

The Kid Then Says " Mom I Dont Get It."

The Mom Says "Why Not?"

The Kid Says "Why Are there 2 People Burried here?"

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