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Vietnam Jokes


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Short Vietnam Jokes

Q: What do you call Vietnamese guy that wants to be black?
A: Vinegar.

Q: What happens when a Mexican and an Vietnamese man make a baby?
A: A car thief who can't actually drive is born.

Q: How do you blind an Vietnamese woman?
A: You put a windshield in front of him.

Q: How does every Vietnamese joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.

Q: What has 2 wings and a halo?
A: A Vietnamese telephone, Wing-wing, halo?

Q: Whats the difference between a smart Vietnamese man and a unicorn?
A: Nothing, they're both fictional characters

Q: Did you hear about the winner of the Vietnamese beauty contest?
A: Me neither.

Q: What do you call a Vietnamese woman with one leg?
A: Irene.

Q: How do you know if a Vietnamese gang robbed your house?
A: All the rice is gone and 3 hours later they're still trying to backup out of the driveway.

Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in Vietnam?
A: He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.

Q: What do the Vietnamese do during erections?
A: They vote.

Blind Fold

An American man was sitting in his favorite restaurant when a Vietnamese bloke said to him, "I am sick of seeing your big round eyes."

The American replied, "Put on a blind fold."

The Vietnamese man asked, "Where do I get one?

The American then said, "Here take my shoe lace."

Free Man

A Vietnamese couple who has been married for twenty years went to the wedding reception of a close comrade's daughter. During the ring exchange ceremony, the husband started to cry profusely.

The wife, surprised by her husband's emotional outburst, said, " I didn't realize that you have so much feeling to share with your comrade's happiness."

The husband replied, "No, you are wrong! That was not why I cried." He continued, "Twenty years ago, your father caught us doing it, and threatened that if I don't marry you, he'll get the Vietcong to put me behind bars for twenty years.

Weeping even louder, the husband said, "If I had just gone to jail, I would've been a free man by now. I made a big mistake. "

Cigar

An American GI was fighting in Vietnam. One day he received 2 letters from home, one letter comes from his mom asking for his picture, one letter comes from his girl friend also asking for his picture. He had only 1 picture that he took at a beach standing naked. He didn't know what to do so he decided to cut the picture into two, the top half he sent to his girl friend.

The bottom half he sent to his mom because he knew his mom had a poor eyesight, she wouldn't know. When his mom received the bottom half of his naked picture, she sighed: "Poor my little boy! He has no time to shave his beard. He looks like his father, always has a cigar on his mouth."


Border Patrol

Tuan comes up to the border between Vietnam and China on his bicycle. He has two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?"

"Rice," answered Tuan.

The guard says, "We'll just see about that. Get off the bike." The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but rice. He detains Tuan overnight and has the rice analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure rice in the bags The guard releases Tuan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?"

"Rice," says Tuan.

The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but rice. He gives the sand back to Tuan, and Tuan crosses the border on his bicycle.

This sequence of events if repeated every day for three years. Finally, Tuan doesn't show up one day and the guard meets him in a noodles restaurant in Vietnam.

"Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about..... I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?"

Tuan sips his beer and says, "Bicycles."

School Lunch
Two Vietnamese exchange students arrive at the university cafeteria for lunch and ask what was available for lunch and were told there were pizza, hamburgers, hot dogs and fries.
They each order a hot dog and sit down at a table to eat.
After one unwraps the tin foil off his hot dog he looks at the hot dog and asks the other -
"So what part of the dog did you get?"

Vietnam Vet

A man was being interviewed for a job.

"Were you in the service?" asked the interviewer.

"Yes, I was a Marine," responded the applicant.

"Did you see any active duty?"

"I was in Vietnam for 2 years and I have a partial disability."

"May I ask what happened?"

"Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both testicles."

"You're hired. You can start Monday at 10 am."

The somewhat surprised applicant asked, "When does everyone else start? I don't want any preferential treatment because of my disability."

"Everyone else starts at 7 o'clock, but I should be honest with you," explained the interviewer. "Nothing gets done before 10 o'clock because we just sit and scratch our balls trying to decide what to do first."

Vietnamese Tradition

A soldier in Vietnam saw a local man coming down the road with his wife behind him with a bicycle loaded with all their possessions. The soldier asked him why he carried nothing but a cigarette and his wife had to push the loaded bicycle alone. The man replied, "TRADITION".

Two weeks later he saw the same local man on the same road but this time she was in front and he was pushing the loaded bicycle. The soldier asked him what happened to TRADITION and the man said "LAND MINES"

Currency Exchange

"A Vietnamese man walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 2 million vietnam dong and walked out with $100.

The following week, he walked in with another 2 million vietnam dong, and was handed $84.

He asked the teller why he got less money that week than the previous week.

The teller said, "Fluctuations."

The Vietnamese man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted, "Fluc you Amelicans, too!""

Vietnamese Pizza

An American businessman goes to Vietnam on a business trip, but he hates Vietnamese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place around where he can get American food.

The concierge tells him he's in luck; there's a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, and he goes back to his room and orders a pizza.

Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up to the door with the pizza.

The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the delivery man, "What the heck did you put on this pizza?"

The delivery man bows deeply and says, "We put on the pizza what you ordered, pepper only."

Phone Call

Three men want make phone call from Hell to remind to their relatives about its harsh conditions
Their Nationalities were American, Italian and Vietnamese.
So they decide to go to Devil who is the boss.
So the American made a call and the Devil made him to pay 100 USD, then an Italian made a call and the Devil made him to pay 10 Euros on fact that Italy is less developed than that of USA.
LASTLY the Vietnamese made a call and the Devil made him to pay a cent
Both the American and Italian complain as it is not fair and the devil responded to them
"The Vietnamese call was a local call whereas your was an International call"

The Foreigner
Once there was a man that came from Vietnam to America, He couldnt speak English so he went to choir and learned how to say "Me me me me me me."
Then he went to the store and saw a little girl say "He stole my dolly"
And on his way home he went to get meat from the butcher and learned how to say "Big butcher knife big butcher knife."
Then he went home and watched an air freshener commercial and learned how to say "Plug it in Plug it in."
Then he went to the store and there was a murder the police said "Who killed this man?"
The foreigner said "Me me me me me me me."
The police said "Why did you kill him?"
And the man said "He stole my dolly."
The police man said "What did you kill him with?"
The man said "Big butcher knife big butcher knife."
Then they took him to jail and sentenced him to death.
The police man said "any last words?"
And the foreigner said "Plug it in plug it in."


Three Guys
There was three guys walking down a hill a black guy, a Mexican guy, and a Vietnamese guy.
Then they got kidnapped by a crazy gay guy.
He said, "If all three of your dicks add up to 12 inches your lives will be spared."
The black guy pulls down his pants and he measured 6 inches,
the mexican measured 4 inches
and the Vietnamese measured 2 inches.
Their lives got spared.

Walking down that same hill the black guy said, "You are lucky im black"
The mexican said, "You are lucky im Mexican"
Then the Vietnamese guy said, "You are soooo lucky I had a boner".

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