Vermont Jokes
Short Vermont Jokes
Q. What's the difference between a Middlebury College sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.
Q: Why do Middlebury College grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Vermont campus?
A: A visitor.
Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Vermont?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Q: What does a University of Vermont grad call a University of New Hampshire grad in 5 years?
A: Boss!
Q: Why is "The Wave" banned in Gutterson Fieldhouse?
A: Two Catamounts fans drowned last year.
Q: Why did the Vermont regents decide to cover Gutterson Fieldhouse in cardboard?
A: Because the Catamounts always look better on paper.
Q: What happens when blondes move from New York to Vermont?
A: Both states become smarter!
Q: Why aren't Catamounts cheerleaders allowed to do the splits?
A: They stick to the ground.
Q: Why do all the trees in New Hampshire lean west?
A: Vermont Sucks
Q: What does a girl from Vermont do if she's not in bed by 10pm?
A: Go Home.
Q: Why do Catamounts hockey players use body heat activated deodorant?
A: Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree".
Q: Why do Norwich University students have such beautiful noses?
A: They're hand picked.
Q: Why did the Catamounts disband its water polo team?
A: All the horses drowned.
Q: What's the difference between a Vermont Community College diploma and toilet paper?
A: About $30,000 per sheet.
Q: What does it say on the back of every Norwich University University diploma?
A: Will Work For Food.
Q: Why did the Vermont Technical College grad cross the road?
A: Better question why is he out of jail?
Q: How does a dumb blonde get into college?
A: She applies to University of Vermont.
Q: Why should the Vermont Catamounts change their uniforms to Orange?
A: So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.
Q: What's the one thing that keeps Catamounts hockey players from graduating?
A: Going to Class.
Q: Why did the Vermont Catamounts hockey team cross the road?
A: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.
Q: How is an Burlington girl different from a bowling ball?
A: Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.
Q: What do Catamounts grads use for Birth Control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How do you break a Norwich University grads finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.
Q: How do you get a Vermont Catamounts fan to laugh all weekend long?
A: Tell him a joke Monday morning.
Q: Why do Vermont Catamounts fans smell so bad?
A: So blind people can hate them too.
Q: Did you hear that 9 out of 10 coeds are good looking?
A: The other one goes to Middlebury College.
Q: Whats the difference between Burlington and yogurt?
A: Yogurt has an active living culture.
Q: What's the difference between the Gutterson Fieldhouse and a cactus?
A: The cactus has its pricks on the outside.
Q: What separates a good hockey team from a great hockey team?
A: The New Hampshire-Vermont border.
Q: How do you confuse a Vermont student?
A: You can't they were born that way.
Q: How do you get from Durham, NH to Burlington, VT?
A: Go west until you smell shit and north until you step in it.
Q: What will you never hear a Norwich University grad say?
A: "I have reviewed your application......"
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Vermont library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Vermont's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
Q: What is blue, green, and used to be red?
A: Vermont! Green mountains, democrat, used to be a republican state!
Q: What does the average University of Vermont student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.
Q: How many University of Vermont freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Q: If you have a car containing a Catamounts point guard, a Catamounts power forward, and a Catamounts small guard, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Vermont?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.
Q: How do you casterate a Vermont Catamounts fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: Why do Vermont students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!
Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Vermont Catamounts campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.
Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at the University of Vermont?
A: They cause too much brain damage!
Q: What should you do if you find three University Of Vermont basketball fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between an Vermont Catamounts fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Vermont?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Q. How did the Vermont grad from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: How do you get a man in Vermont to do sit-ups?
A: Put the remote control between his toes..
Q: What does a Vermont fan do when his team has won the Final Four?
A: He turns off the PlayStation.
Q: What's the difference between a Vermont football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.
Q: How many University of Vermont grads does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
Q: What are the best four years of a Vermont grads life?
A: Third grade
Q: What does a Vermont native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of Vermont have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.
Q. How do they separate the men from the boys in Vermont?
A. With a restraining order.
Q. What's the first thing a Vermont girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.
Q: What did the Vermont female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!
Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in Vermont?
A: No one would look for them.
The News reported that a crocodile had been found in Burlington, the locals said they were not surprised because they were expecting a cold snap!
I'm not drunk, I'm from Vermont.
Sheep Coitus
A man from Texas and a Vermont man were driving along when all of a sudden the Texas man slams on the brakes.
There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the Texas man said "We Texans never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.
Then he says to the Vermont man, "Your turn"...
And the Vermont fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.
Cemetary
One Day This Kid And His Mom Were Walking Past A Cemetery When They Past A Grave And the Kid Stopped To Read It.
He Read Aloud "Here Lies A Vermont Graduate And A Great Man."
The Kid Then Says "Mom I Dont Get It."
The Mom Says "Why Not?"
The Kid Says "Why Are there 2 People Burried here?"
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