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Puerto Rico Jokes


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Short Puerto Rico Jokes

Q: Why are there no Puerto Rican doctors?
A: Because you can't write prescriptions with spray paint.

Q: How does every Puerto Rican joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.

Q: Whats the difference between a smart Puerto Rican and a unicorn?
A: Nothing, they're both fictional characters

Q: Did you hear about the winner of the Puerto Rican beauty contest?
A: Me neither.

Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in Puerto Rico?
A: He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.

Q. Why do Puerto Ricans throw their trash away in clear plastic bags?
A. So Italians can go window shopping.

Q: How many Puerto Ricans does it take to change a lightbulb.
A: Just Juan

Q: What do you call a completely shaven Puerto Rican?
A: A smooth criminal.

Q: What do you get when you cross a Puerto Rican and an Iranian?
A: Oil of Ol'e.

Q: What were the 2 Puerto Rican FireFighting Brother's names?
A: Hose A and Hose B

Q: Why don't Puerto Ricans play hide and seek?
A: Cause nobody will look for them?

Q: What do you call a Puerto Rican with a rubber toe?
A: Roberto!

Q: What do you call a Puerto Rican with a lowered car?
A: Carlos!

Puerto Rican Waiter

"Waiter, would you please get your thumb out of my soup?"

"So sorry sir, but I have a boil and the doctor told me to keep it warm."

"Well why don't you just stick it up your ass?"

"I do sir, but I've got to serve customers occasionally..."

Piss

This Puerto Rican dude was taking a pee on the side of a building and this American sees him.
After the Puerto Rican is done the American asks him, "How come you Puerto Ricans don't wash your hands after you pee?"
The Puerto Rican smiles, "Senor, we Puerto Ricans don't piss in our hands..."

Reporters
Puerto Rican rapper Lloyd Banks was on television with British TV host Anne Diamond when he used the word 'manana'.

Diamond asked him to explain what it meant.

Lloyd said that the term means "maybe the job will be done tomorrow, maybe the next day, maybe the day after that. Perhaps next week, next month, next year. Who cares?"

The host turned to Irishman Shay Brennan who was also on the show and asked him if there was an equivalent term in Irish.

"No. In Ireland we don't have a word to describe that degree of urgency," replied Brennan.

Phone Call

Three men want make phone call from Hell to remind to their relatives about its harsh conditions
Their Nationalities were American, Italian and Puerto Rican.
So they decide to go to Devil who is the boss.
So the American made a call and the Devil made him to pay 100 USD, then an Italian made a call and the Devil made him to pay 10 Euros on fact that Itlaian is less developed than that of USA.
LASTLY a Puerto Rican made a call and the Devil made him to pay a cent
Both the American and Italian complain as it is not fair and the devil responded to them
"The Puerto Rican call was a local call whereas your was an International call"

You Know You're Puerto Rican If ...

You've ever been hit with "chancletas", "la correa", or the cord of "la plancha".
You get really scared whenever someone mentions "El Cuuuuuco!"
Almost everyone you know is nicknamed "mira".
You've eaten "esporsoda" with butter.
You have at least 30 cousins. At least!
You have a perpetually drunk neighbor.
You know your mom is sneaking up on you because you can hear the 'clack-clack' of her "chancletas".
Someone in you family is name "Maria".
You have actually met several people named "Jesus".
You treat fevers with "alcoholado".
You know "Don Francisco" from "Sabado Gigante".
You need a cup of coffee after every meal.
One of your aunts weighs over 300 pounds.
You have a delinquent cousin.
You put a big Puerto Rican flag on your car come June.
You know at least four of your last names.
You scrunch up your nose to ask a silent "que ?".
You remember Ricky Martin as the little one from Menudo.
You were raised on Goya products
You ever wished El Chapulin Colorado would come and save you.
You've dropped food on the floor, picked it up, and eaten it after saying "lo que no mata engorda".
Your sofa or rug is covered in plastic.
You go to a wedding or Quinceanera party, gossip about how bad the food is, but take a plate to go.
All breakfast cereals are called "Con Fley".
All tissue papers are called "Klinex".
All brands of diapers are called "Pampel".
You have a great uncle that had more than three wives.
You've put a penny on your forehead to stop a nosebleed.
Your grandmother thinks Vick's Vapor Rub is the miracle cure for everything!

Baby Skunk
A baby skunk sat in the middle of a forest for hours and hours crying.
A deer, never having seen a skunk before, wandered by and noticed the baby skunk in his misery.
After several moments the deer asked the baby skunk, "Why are you crying?"
The baby skunk looked up at the deer and said, "I don't know what I am! " and resumed his uncontrolled weeping.
After several more minutes of eyeballing the baby skunk, the deer said to the baby skunk, "I believe I can help. You're black but you're not all black. And you're white but you're not all white. And you smell really bad. You must be a Peurto Rican."

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