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Pennsylvania Jokes

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Short Pennsylvania Jokes

Q. What's the difference between a Drexel University sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.

Q: What's the only thing that grows in Philadelphia?
A: The Crime Rate!

Q: Where does everyone get there pencils from?
A: Pennsylvania!

Which colonists told the most jokes?

Q: What's the only thing that grows in Pittsburgh?
A: The swelling from your head from getting jacked!

Q: Did you hear about the Tight End that went to Penn State?
A: He left school as a wide receiver.

Q: Why don't Pittsburgh football players sink in the Great Lakes?
A: Because crap floats...

Q: Why do Penn State grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

If an older woman who likes younger men is called a cougar, then is an older man who likes younger men called a nittany lion?

Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Pennsylvania?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the Penn State University campus?
A: A visitor.

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Pittsburgh library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Pittsburgh's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q: What does the average Penn State University student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.

Q: How many University of Pittsburgh freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.

Q: How do you make Penn State University cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
Q: If you have a car containing a Nittany Lions wide receiver, a Nittany Lions linebacker, and a Nittany Lions defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Pennsylvania?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.

Q: How do you casterate a Penn State fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: Whats the difference between the Penn State Nittany Lions and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!

Q: Why do Pennsylvania students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!

Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Penn State campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.

Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at the University of Pittsburgh?
A: They cause too much brain damage!

Q: What should you do if you find three University Of Pittsburgh football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between an Nittany Lions fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Pennsylvania?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.

Q. How did the Nittany Lion die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What is the definition of a Pennsylvania virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..

Q: What do they call students who go to University of Pittsburgh?
A: Rejects from Penn State!

Q: What does a Penn State Nittany Lion fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: What do you call an Penn State Nittany Lion in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.

Q: What do Penn State and Pittsburgh students have in common?
A: They both got in to University of Pittsburgh!

Q: What's the difference between a Penn State football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.

Q: Did you hear that Pittburgh's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: How many Nittany Lions does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!

Q: What are the best four years of an Penn State grads life?
A: Third grade

Q: What does a Pennsylvania native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of Pittsburgh have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.

Q: What do Penn State and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Q. How do they separate the men from the boys at University of Pittsburgh?
A. With a restraining order.

Q. What's the first thing an Pittsburgh girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.

Q: What do you call a Penn State football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!

Q: What is a Penn State fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Michigan."

Q: Why does a Nittany Lions fan pour his cereal on a plate?
A: He lost his bowls.

Q: How do you stop a Nittany Lions fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Maize and Blue!

Q: What did the Pennsylvania female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!

Q: What is the difference between a bucket of shit and a Nittany Lions fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at Nittany Lions games anymore?
A: The student who knew the recipe graduated

Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in Pennsylvania?
A: No one would look for them.

There was a rumor sometime ago that disgraced former Penn State assistant football coach Jerry Sandusky sent his resume to the University of South Carolina for a job with their football team. Why?
Because he heard the boys there were Gamecocks.

Falling in Love
A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was an Pittsburgh Panthers fan and he was a Ohio State Buckeyes fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a Panthers fan.

He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be an Pittsburgh Panthers fan."

The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?"

The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO NITTANY LIONS!"

Sheep Coitus

A Ohio State Buckeyes fan and a Penn State Nittany Lions fan were driving along when all of a sudden the OSU fan slams on the brakes.

There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the OSU fan said "We Buckeyes never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.

Then he says to the PSU fan, "Your turn"...

And the Nittany Lions fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.

Business Trip
After a business trip a guy was talking to one of his friends.
After chatting a while he asked did you ever mean to say one thing and something totally different comes out of your mouth,
The friend asked what do you mean?
He said just this morning, I was flying from Philly to Pittsburgh and when I walked up to the ticket counter, I noticed the agent had enormous titties. I meant to say give me two tickets to Pittsburgh but instead I said give me two tickets to Tittsburgh.
The friend said oh yeah, I know exactly what you mean. This morning at breakfast, I meant to say honey would you please pass the jelly, but instead I said, you ruined my life you stupid fucking bitch.

One Day This Kid And His Mom Were Walking Past A Cemetery When They Past A Grave And the Kid Stopped To Read It.

He Read Aloud "Here Lies A Penn State Graduate And A Great Man."

The Kid Then Says "Mom I Dont Get It."

The Mom Says "Why Not?"

The Kid Says "Why Are there 2 People Burried here?"

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