Pennsylvania Jokes

Short Pennsylvania Jokes

Q. What's the difference between a Drexel University sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.

Q: What's the only thing that grows in Philadelphia?
A: The Crime Rate!

Q: Where does everyone get there pencils from?
A: Pennsylvania!

Which colonists told the most jokes?

Q: What's the only thing that grows in Pittsburgh?
A: The swelling from your head from getting jacked!

Q: Did you hear about the Tight End that went to Penn State?
A: He left school as a wide receiver.

Q: Why don't Pittsburgh football players sink in the Great Lakes?
A: Because crap floats...

Q: Why do Penn State grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

If an older woman who likes younger men is called a cougar, then is an older man who likes younger men called a nittany lion?

Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Pennsylvania?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.

Q: Where do pencils travel to?
A: PENCILvaneya.

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the Penn State University campus?
A: A visitor.

Q: What does a Panthers grad call a Nittany Lions grad in 5 years?
A: Boss!

I'm not saying Temple Owls basketball players are dumb, but the coach is dressing six players for this Saturdays game.
The rest will dress themselves.

Q: Why is "The Wave" banned in Heinz Field?
A: Two Panthers fans drowned last year.

Q: Why did the Pennsylvania regents decide to cover Beaver Stadium in cardboard?
A: Because the Nittany Lions always look better on paper.

Q: What happens when blondes move from New York to Pennsylvania?
A: Both states become smarter!

Q: Why aren't Temple cheerleaders allowed to do the splits?
A: They stick to the ground.

Q: What do you call a college football program that used to be relevant?
A: PSwho?

Q: What is Ronald McDonalds favorite city in Pennsylvania?
A: Pitts-burger.

Q: Why do all the trees in New York lean south?
A: Pennsylvania Sucks

Q: What does a girl from Penn State do if she's not in bed by 10pm?
A: Go Home.

Q: Where do pretzels go on vacation?
A: Pretzilvania.

Q: Why do Panthers basketball players use body heat activated deodorant?
A: Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree".

Q: Why do Temple students have such beautiful noses?
A: They're hand picked.

Q: Why did Penn State disband its water polo team?
A: All the horses drowned.

Q: What's the difference between a York College diploma and toilet paper?
A: About $50,000 per sheet.

Q: What does it say on the back of every York College diploma?
A: Will Work For Food.

Q: Why did the Central Pennsylvania's Community College grad cross the road?
A: Better question why is he out of jail?

Q: How does a dumb blonde get into college?
A: She applies to Temple.

Q: Why should the Temple Owls change their uniforms to Orange?
A: So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.

Q: What's the one thing that keeps Penn State basketball players from graduating?
A: Going to Class.

Q: Why did the Penn State football team cross the road?
A: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.

Q: How is a Philadelphia girl different from a bowling ball?
A: Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.

Q: Where do fish like go on vacation?
A: Al-TUNA, Pennsylvania.

Q: What do UPenn grads use for Birth Control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: How do you break a Villanova grads finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.

Q: How do you get an Temple Owls fan to laugh all weekend long?
A: Tell him a joke Monday morning.

Q: Why do Owls fans smell so bad?
A: So blind people can hate them too.

Q: Why did Penn State change their field from grass to artificial turf?
A: To keep the Nittany Lions cheerleaders from grazing the field at halftime.

Q: Did you hear that 9 out of 10 coeds are good looking?
A: The other one goes to Villanova.

Q: Whats the difference between State College, PA and yogurt?
A: Yogurt has an active living culture.

Q: Why do the Penn State Nittany Lions eat cereal straight from the box?
A: They choke whenever they get near a bowl.

Q: What's the difference between Beaver Stadium and a cactus?
A: The cactus has its pricks on the outside.

Q: What separates a good team from a great team?
A: The New York-Pennsylvania border.

Q: Did you hear Jerry Sandusky became a marathon runner?
A: He never finishes in first; he's always cumming in a little behind.

Q: How do you confuse a Temple student?
A: You can't they were born that way.

Q: How do you get from New York City to State College, PA?
A: Go west until you smell shit and south until you step in it.

Q: What will you never hear a Lehigh grad say?
A: "I have reviewed your application......"

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Pittsburgh library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Pittsburgh's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q: What does the average Penn State University student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.

Q: How many University of Pittsburgh freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.

Q: How do you make Penn State University cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
Q: If you have a car containing a Nittany Lions wide receiver, a Nittany Lions linebacker, and a Nittany Lions defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Pennsylvania?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.

Q: How do you casterate a Penn State fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: Whats the difference between the Penn State Nittany Lions and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!

Q: Why do Pennsylvania students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!

Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Penn State campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.

Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at the University of Pittsburgh?
A: They cause too much brain damage!

Q: What should you do if you find three University Of Pittsburgh football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between an Nittany Lions fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Pennsylvania?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.

Q. How did the Nittany Lion die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: How do you get a man in Pennsylvania to do sit-ups?
A: Put the remote control between his toes..

Q: What do they call students who go to University of Pittsburgh?
A: Rejects from Penn State!

Q: What does a Penn State Nittany Lion fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation.

Q: What do you call an Penn State Nittany Lion in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.

Q: What do Penn State and Pittsburgh students have in common?
A: They both got in to University of Pittsburgh!

Q: What's the difference between a Penn State football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.

Q: Did you hear that Pittburgh's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: How many Nittany Lions does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!

Q: What are the best four years of an Penn State grads life?
A: Third grade

Q: What does a Pennsylvania native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of Pittsburgh have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.

Q: What do Penn State and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Q. How do they separate the men from the boys at University of Pittsburgh?
A. With a restraining order.

Q. What's the first thing an Pittsburgh girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.

Q: What do you call a Penn State football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!

Q: What is a Penn State fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Michigan."

Q: Why does a Nittany Lions fan pour his cereal on a plate?
A: He lost his bowls.

Q: How do you stop a Nittany Lions fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Maize and Blue!

Q: What did the Pennsylvania female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!

Q: What is the difference between a bucket of shit and a Nittany Lions fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at Nittany Lions games anymore?
A: The student who knew the recipe graduated

Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in Pennsylvania?
A: No one would look for them.

There was a rumor sometime ago that disgraced former Penn State assistant football coach Jerry Sandusky sent his resume to the University of South Carolina for a job with their football team. Why?
Because he heard the boys there were Gamecocks.

Falling in Love
A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was an Pittsburgh Panthers fan and he was a Ohio State Buckeyes fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a Panthers fan.

He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be an Pittsburgh Panthers fan."

The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?"

The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO NITTANY LIONS!"

Sheep Coitus

A Ohio State Buckeyes fan and a Penn State Nittany Lions fan were driving along when all of a sudden the OSU fan slams on the brakes.

There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the OSU fan said "We Buckeyes never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.

Then he says to the PSU fan, "Your turn"...

And the Nittany Lions fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.

Business Trip
After a business trip a guy was talking to one of his friends.
After chatting a while he asked did you ever mean to say one thing and something totally different comes out of your mouth,
The friend asked what do you mean?
He said just this morning, I was flying from Philly to Pittsburgh and when I walked up to the ticket counter, I noticed the agent had enormous titties. I meant to say give me two tickets to Pittsburgh but instead I said give me two tickets to Tittsburgh.
The friend said oh yeah, I know exactly what you mean. This morning at breakfast, I meant to say honey would you please pass the jelly, but instead I said, you ruined my life you stupid fucking bitch.

One Day This Kid And His Mom Were Walking Past A Cemetery When They Past A Grave And the Kid Stopped To Read It.

He Read Aloud "Here Lies A Penn State Graduate And A Great Man."

The Kid Then Says "Mom I Dont Get It."

The Mom Says "Why Not?"

The Kid Says "Why Are there 2 People Burried here?"

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