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Short Oregon Jokes
Q. What's the difference between a Portland State University sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.
Q: What's the only thing that grows in Portland?
A: The Crime Rate!
Q: What's the only thing that grows in Portland?
A: The swelling from your head from getting jacked!
Q: Why do Oregon State grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Oregon?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the Portland State University campus?
A: A visitor.
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Portland State University library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: What does a Beavers grad call a Ducks grad in 5 years?
I'm not saying Oregon Ducks basketball players are dumb, but the coach is dressing six players for this Saturdays game.
The rest will dress themselves.
Q: Why is "The Wave" banned in Reser Stadium?
A: Two Beavers fans drowned last year.
Q: Why did the Oregon regents decide to cover Autzen Stadium in cardboard?
A: Because the Ducks always look better on paper.
Q: What happens when blondes move from California to Oregon?
A: Both states become smarter!
Q: Why aren't Portland State cheerleaders allowed to do the splits?
A: They stick to the ground.
Q: Why do all the trees in California lean north?
A: Oregon Sucks
Q: What does a girl from Corvallis do if she's not in bed by 10pm?
A: Go Home.
Q: Why do Ducks basketball players use body heat activated deodorant?
A: Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree".
Q: Why do Portland State students have such beautiful noses?
A: They're hand picked.
Q: Why did Oregon disband its water polo team?
A: All the horses drowned.
Q: What's the difference between a Portland State diploma and toilet paper?
A: About $80,000 per sheet.
Q: What does it say on the back of every Portland State diploma?
A: Will Work For Food.
Q: Why did the Portland Community College grad cross the road?
A: Better question why is he out of jail?
Q: How does a dumb blonde get into college?
A: She applies to Portland State.
Q: Why did the Oregon State Beavers change their uniforms to Orange?
A: So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.
Q: What's the one thing that keeps Oregon basketball players from graduating?
A: Going to Class.
Q: Why did the Oregon State football team cross the road?
A: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.
Q: How is a Corvallis girl different from a bowling ball?
A: Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.
Q: What do Oregon Ducks grads use for Birth Control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How do you break a Portland State grads finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.
Q: How do you get an Oregon State fan to laugh all weekend long?
A: Tell him a joke Monday morning.
Q: Why do Beavers fans smell so bad?
A: So blind people can hate them too.
Q: Why did Oregon change their field from grass to artificial turf?
A: To keep the Ducks cheerleaders from grazing the field at halftime.
Q: Did you hear that 9 out of 10 coeds are good looking?
A: The other one goes to Portland State.
Q: Whats the difference between Eugene, OR and yogurt?
A: Yogurt has an active living culture.
Q: Why do the Oregon Ducks eat cereal straight from the box?
A: They choke whenever they get near a bowl.
Q: What's the difference between Autzen Stadium and a cactus?
A: The cactus has its pricks on the outside.
Q: What separates a good team from a great team?
A: The California-Oregon border.
Q: How do you confuse a Portland State student?
A: You can't they were born that way.
Q: How do you get from Los Angeles to Eugene?
A: Go north until you smell shit and west until you step in it.
Q: What will you never hear a Portland State grad say?
A: "I have reviewed your application......"
Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Oregon's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
Q: What does the average Oregon State University student get on his SAT?
Q: How many Portland State University freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Q: How do you make University of Oregon cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
Q: If you have a car containing a Beavers wide receiver, a Beavers linebacker, and a Beavers defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Oregon?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.
Q: How do you casterate an Oregon State Beavers fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: Whats the difference between the Oregon State Beavers and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!
Q: Why do Oregon students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!
Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Oregon State Beavers campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.
Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at the Oregon State University?
A: They cause too much brain damage!
Q: What should you do if you find three University Of Oregon football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between an Oregon Ducks fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Oregon?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Q. How did the Oregon State Beaver die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What is the definition of a Oregon virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..
Q: What do they call students who go to Oregon State?
A: Rejects from Oregon!
Q: What does a Oregon Ducks fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: What do you call an Oregon State Beaver in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.
Q: What do Oregon and Oregon State students have in common?
A: They both got in to Oregon State!
Q: What's the difference between an Oregon football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.
Q: Did you hear that Oregon State's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: How many Oregon State Beavers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!
Q: What are the best four years of an Oregon State grads life?
A: Third grade
Q: What does a Oregon native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of Oregon have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.
Q: What do the University of Oregon and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!
Q. How do they separate the men from the boys at Oregon State?
A. With a restraining order.
Q. What's the first thing an Oregon girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.
Q: What do you call an Oregon football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!
Q: What is a Beavers fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Oregon."
Q: Why does a Ducks fan pour his cereal on a plate?
A: He lost his bowls.
Q: How do you stop an Oregon State fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Oregon Green and Yellow!
Q: What did the Oregon female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!
Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a Beavers fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at Beavers games anymore?
A: The student who knew the recipe graduated
Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in Oregon?
A: No one would look for them.
Falling in Love
A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was an Oregon Ducks fan and he was a Stanford Cardinal fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a Ducks fan.
He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be an Oregon Ducks fan."
The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?"
The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO TROJANS!"
A Washington Huskies fan and a Oregon Ducks fan were driving along when all of a sudden the Washington fan slams on the brakes.
There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the Washington fan said "We Huskies never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.
Then he says to the Oregon fan, "Your turn"...
And the Ducks fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.
One Day This Kid And His Mom Were Walking Past A Cemetery When They Past A Grave And the Kid Stopped To Read It.
He Read Aloud "Here Lies A Oregon State Graduate And A Great Man."
The Kid Then Says "Mom I Dont Get It."
The Mom Says "Why Not?"
The Kid Says "Why Are there 2 People Burried here?"
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