Short Oklahoma Jokes
Q: What do Oklahomans do on Halloween?
A: Pump kin!
Q: Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Oklahoma burned down?
A: Almost took out the whole trailer park.
Q: Why do ducks fly over Oklahoma upside down?
A: There's nothing worth craping on!
Q. What's the difference between a Oklahoma State University sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.
Q: How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Oklahoma?
A: If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.
Q: What's the most popular pick up line in Oklahoma?
A: Nice tooth!
Q: How does a man from Oklahoma hold up his pants?
A: With a bible belt.
Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Oklahoma?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Q: Why do folks from Oklahoma go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?
A: 17 and under are not admitted.
Q: Why did Oklahoma raise the minimum drinking age to 25?
A: They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools!
Q: Where does an egg go on holidays?
Q: How can you tell if someone in Oklahoma is married?
A: The tobacco spit stains are on both sides of his pickup truck.
Q: Why do Oklahoma State grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Oklahoma campus?
A: A visitor.
Q: What does a Cowboys grad call a Sooners grad in 5 years?
I'm not saying Sooners basketball players are dumb, but the coach is dressing six players for this Saturdays game.
The rest will dress themselves.
Q: Why is "The Wave" banned in Boone Pickens Stadium?
A: Two Cowboys fans drowned last year.
Q: Why did the Oklahoma regents decide to cover Gaylord Family Oklahoma Memorial Stadium in cardboard?
A: Because the Sooners always look better on paper.
Q: What happens when blondes move from Texas to Oklahoma?
A: Both states become smarter!
Q: Why aren't Northeastern State cheerleaders allowed to do the splits?
A: They stick to the ground.
Q: Why do all the trees in Texas lean north?
A: Oklahoma Sucks
Q: What does a girl from Stillwater do if she's not in bed by 10pm?
A: Go Home.
Q: Why do Sooners basketball players use body heat activated deodorant?
A: Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree".
Q: Why do Oklahoma students have such beautiful noses?
A: They're hand picked.
Q: Why did OSU disband its water polo team?
A: All the horses drowned.
Q: What's the difference between a Central Oklahoma diploma and toilet paper?
A: About $80,000 per sheet.
Q: What does it say on the back of every Central Oklahoma diploma?
A: Will Work For Food.
Q: Why did the Tulsa Community College grad cross the road?
A: Better question why is he out of jail?
Q: How does a dumb blonde get into college?
A: She applies to Oklahoma State.
Q: Why did the Oklahoma State Cowboys change their uniforms to Orange?
A: So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.
Q: What's the one thing that keeps OSU basketball players from graduating?
A: Going to Class.
Q: Why did the Oklahoma football team cross the road?
A: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.
Q: How is a Norman girl different from a bowling ball?
A: Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.
Q: What do Sooners grads use for Birth Control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How do you break a Oklahoma State grads finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.
Q: How do you get an OSU fan to laugh all weekend long?
A: Tell him a joke Monday morning.
Q: Why do Cowboys fans smell so bad?
A: So blind people can hate them too.
Q: Why did Oklahoma change their field from grass to artificial turf?
A: To keep the Sooners cheerleaders from grazing the field at halftime.
Q: Did you hear that 9 out of 10 coeds are good looking?
A: The other one goes to Central Oklahoma.
Q: Whats the difference between Norman, OK and yogurt?
A: Yogurt has an active living culture.
Q: Why do the Oklahoma Sooners eat cereal straight from the box?
A: They choke whenever they get near a bowl.
Q: What's the difference between Boone Pickens Stadium and a cactus?
A: The cactus has its pricks on the outside.
Q: What separates a good team from a great team?
A: The Texas-Oklahoma border.
Q: How do you confuse a Central Oklahoma student?
A: You can't they were born that way.
Q: How do you get from Norman to Stillwater?
A: Go north until you smell shit and east until you step in it.
Q: What will you never hear a Central Oklahoma grad say?
A: "I have reviewed your application......"
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Oklahoma State University library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Oklahoma's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
Q: What does the average Oklahoma State University student get on his SAT?
Q: Why are there so many unsolved murders in Oklahoma?
A: There are no dental records and everyone has the same DNA
Q: Why did Forrest Gump choose 'Bama over Oklahoma?
A: He wanted an academic challenge!
Q: How many Oklahoma State University freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Q: How do you make University of Oklahoma cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
Q: If you have a car containing a Sooners wide receiver, a Sooners linebacker, and a Sooners defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Oklahoma?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.
Q: How do you casterate an Oklahoma State Cowboys fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: Whats the difference between the Oklahoma Sooners and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!
Q: Why do Oklahoma students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!
Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Oklahoma State Cowboys campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.
Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at the University of Oklahoma?
A: They cause too much brain damage!
Q: What should you do if you find three University Of Oklahoma football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between an Oklahoma Sooners fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Oklahoma?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Q. How did the Oklahoma Sooners die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What is the definition of a Oklahoma virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..
Q: What do they call students who go to Oklahoma State?
A: Rejects from Oklahoma!
Q: What does a Oklahoma Sooners fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: What do you call an Oklahoma State Cowboy in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.
Q: What do Oklahoma and Oklahoma State students have in common?
A: They both got in to Oklahoma State
Q: What's the difference between an Oklahoma State football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.
Q: Did you hear that Oklahoma State's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: How many Oklahoma Sooners does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
Q: What are the best four years of an OSU grads life?
A: Third grade
Q: What does a Oklahoma native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from the Oklahoma State University have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.
Q: What do the University of Oklahoma and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!
Q. How do they separate the men from the boys at Oklahoma?
A. With a restraining order.
Q. What's the first thing an Oklahoma girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.
Q: What do you call an Oklahoma football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!
Q: What is a Cowboys fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat the Sooners."
Q: Why does a Sooners fan pour his cereal on a plate?
A: He lost his bowls.
Q: How do you stop an OSU fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Sooners Red!
Q: What did the Oklahoma female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!
Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a Sooners fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at Cowboys games anymore?
A: The student who knew the recipe graduated
Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in Oklahoma?
A: No one would look for them.
A country bumpkin family from Oklahoma decides to go to the Big Apple for the first Time in their lives; Maw, Paw and their son.
They go into the Empire State Building. As they're walking around they notice the elevator.
Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered.
While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes.
The Oklahoma redneck family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up. They continue to watch as the numbers go down again.
The door opens and out walks this tall gorgeous blonde. Legs to her neck. Great figure. Beautiful!
Paw looks at his son and says, "Quick boy, shove yer Maw in there!"
Falling in Love
A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was an Texas Longhorns fan and he was an Oklahoma Sooners fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a Longhorns fan.
He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be an Texas Longhorns fan."
The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?"
The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO COWBOYS!"
A Texas Longhorns fan and a Oklahoma State Cowboys fan were driving along when all of a sudden the Texas fan slams on the brakes.
There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the Texas fan said "We Longhorns never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.
Then he says to the OSU fan, "Your turn"...
And the Cowboys fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.
One Day This Kid And His Mom Were Walking Past A Cemetery When They Past A Grave And the Kid Stopped To Read It.
He Read Aloud "Here Lies An OSU Graduate And A Great Man."
The Kid Then Says "Mom I Dont Get It."
The Mom Says "Why Not?"
The Kid Says "Why Are there 2 People Burried here?"