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Ohio Jokes


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Short Ohio Jokes

Q: What's the only thing that grows in Cleveland?
A: The Crime Rate!

Q: What's the only thing that grows in Dayton?
A: The swelling from your head from getting jacked!

Q. Why do ducks fly over Columbus, Ohio upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q: What happens when Ohio State chokes?
A: They go blue.

Q. How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Ohio?
A. If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.

Q: Why do OSU grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Ohio?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.

Q: Why are all the trees in Kentucky leaning to the south?
A: Because Tennessee sucks and Ohio blows.

Q: Did you hear about the Ohio State Buckeye fan who tried to blow up the Michigan team bus?
A: He burned his lip on the tailpipe.

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the Ohio University campus?
A: A visitor.

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Xavier University library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in Ohio State University's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q: What does the average Ohio University student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.

Q: Why did Forrest Gump choose 'Bama over OSU?
A: He wanted an academic challenge!

Q: How many Xavier University freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.

Q: How do you make Ohio State University cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Q: If you have a car containing a Buckeyes wide receiver, a Buckeyes linebacker, and a Buckeyes defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Ohio?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.

Q: How do you casterate an Ohio State Buckeyes fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: Whats the difference between the Ohio State Buckeyes and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!

Q: Why do Ohio students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!

Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the OSU campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.

Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at the University of Ohio?
A: They cause too much brain damage!

Q: What should you do if you find three Ohio State University football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between an Ohio State Buckeyes fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Ohio?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.

Q. How did the Ohio State Buckeye die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What is the definition of a Ohio virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..

Q: What do they call students who go to Ohio State?
A: Rejects from U of M!

Q: What does a Ohio State Buckeye fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: What do you call an Ohio State Buckeye in a BCS bowl championship game?
A: A referee.

Q: What do OSU and U of M students have in common?
A: They both got in to Ohio State!

Q: What's the difference between an Ohio State football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.

Q: Did you hear that University of Ohio's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: How many OSU Buckeyes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!

Q: What are the best four years of an Ohio State grads life?
A: Third grade

Q: What does a Ohio native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from the Ohio State University have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.

Q: What does Ohio State University and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Q. How do they separate the men from the boys at OSU?
A. With a restraining order.

Q: Why did Jim Tressel pour his cereal on a plate?
A: He lost his bowls.

Q. What's the first thing an OSU girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.

Q: What do you call an Ohio State football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!

Q: What is a Buckeyes fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Michigan."

Q: Why does a Buckeyes fan pour his cereal on a plate?
A: He lost his bowls.

Q: How do you stop an OSU fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Maize and Blue!

Q: What did the Ohio female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!

Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a Buckeyes fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at Buckeyes games anymore?
A: The student who knew the recipe graduated

Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in Ohio?
A: No one would look for them.

Two Coaches
Brady Hoke and Urban Meyer are in a bathroom taking a leak.
Meyer finishes and starts to walk out of the room when Hoke says up in Michigan, they teach us to wash our hands after we take a leak.
Urban Meyer responds, Down in Ohio, they teach us not to piss on our hands.

Falling in Love
A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was an Michigan State Spartans fan and he was a Michigan Wolverines fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a Spartans fan.

He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be an Michigan State Spartans fan."

The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?"

The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO BUCKEYES!"

Sheep Coitus

A Ohio State Buckeyes fan and a Nebraska fan were driving along when all of a sudden the Ohio State fan slams on the brakes.

There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the Ohio State fan said "We Buckeyes never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.

Then he says to the Nebraska fan, "Your turn"...

And the Cornhuskers fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.
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