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Ohio Jokes


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Short Ohio Jokes

Q: What's the only thing that grows in Cleveland?
A: The Crime Rate!

Q: What's the only thing that grows in Dayton?
A: The swelling from your head from getting jacked!

Q: Where is Engagement Ohio?
A: Between Dayton & Marion.

Q. Why do ducks fly over Columbus, Ohio upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q: What happens when Ohio State chokes?
A: They go blue.

Q. How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Ohio?
A. If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.

Q: Why do OSU grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: Why don't Ohio State football players sink in the Great Lakes?
A: Because crap floats...

Q: Why did Taylor Lewan choke an Ohio State grad?
A: He wanted him to GO BLUE!

Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Ohio?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.

Q: What does a Buckeye grad call a Wolverine grad in 5 years?
A: Boss!

I'm not saying Bearcats basketball players are dumb, but the coach is dressing six players for this Saturdays game.
The rest will dress themselves.

Q: Why is "The Wave" banned in Nippert Stadium?
A: Two Bearcats fans drowned last year.

Q: Why did the Ohio State regents decide to cover Ohio Stadium in cardboard?
A: Because the Buckeyes always look better on paper.

Q: What happens when blondes move from Michigan to Ohio?
A: Both states become smarter!

Q: Why aren't Akron cheerleaders allowed to do the splits?
A: They stick to the ground.

Q: Why do all the trees in Michigan lean south?
A: Ohio Sucks

Q: What does a girl from Columbus do if she's not in bed by 10pm?
A: Go Home.

Q: Why do Buckeyes basketball players use body heat activated deodorant?
A: Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree".

Q: Why do Toledo students have such beautiful noses?
A: They're hand picked.

Q: Why did Ohio State disband its water polo team?
A: All the horses drowned.

Q: What's the difference between a Cleveland State diploma and toilet paper?
A: About $80,000 per sheet.

Q: What does it say on the back of every Cleveland State diploma?
A: Will Work For Food.

Q: Why did the Youngstown State grad cross the road?
A: Better question why is he out of jail?

Q: How does a dumb blonde get into college?
A: She applies to Cleveland State.

Q: Why did Bowling Green State change their uniforms to Orange?
A: So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.

Q: What's the one thing that keeps OSU basketball players from graduating?
A: Going to Class.

Q: Why did the Cincinnati football team cross the road?
A: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.

Q: How is a Cleveland girl different from a bowling ball?
A: Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.

Q: What do OSU grads use for Birth Control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: How do you break a Cleveland State grads finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.

Q: How do you get a Toledo Rockets fan to laugh all weekend long?
A: Tell him a joke Monday morning.

Q: Why do Akron Zips fans smell so bad?
A: So blind people can hate them too.

Q: Why did Cincinnati change their field from grass to artificial turf?
A: To keep the Bearcats cheerleaders from grazing the field at halftime.

Q: Did you hear that 9 out of 10 coeds are good looking?
A: The other one goes to Youngstown State.

Q: Whats the difference between Columbus and yogurt?
A: Yogurt has an active living culture.

Q: Why do the Ohio State Buckeyes eat cereal straight from the box?
A: They choke whenever they get near a bowl.

Q: What's the difference between Nippert Stadium and a cactus?
A: The cactus has its pricks on the outside.

Q: What separates a good team from a great team?
A: The Ohio-Michigan border.

Q: How do you confuse a Cleveland State student?
A: You can't they were born that way.

Q: How do you get from Ann Arbor to Columbus?
A: Go south until you smell shit and east until you step in it.

Q: What will you never hear a Cleveland State grad say?
A: "I have reviewed your application......"

Q: Why are all the trees in Kentucky leaning to the south?
A: Because Tennessee sucks and Ohio blows.

Q: Did you hear about the Ohio State Buckeye fan who tried to blow up the Michigan team bus?
A: He burned his lip on the tailpipe.

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the Ohio University campus?
A: A visitor.

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Xavier University library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in Ohio State University's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q: What does the average Ohio University student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.

Q: Why did Forrest Gump choose 'Bama over OSU?
A: He wanted an academic challenge!

Q: How many Xavier University freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.

Q: How do you make Ohio State University cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Q: If you have a car containing a Buckeyes wide receiver, a Buckeyes linebacker, and a Buckeyes defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Ohio?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.

Q: How do you casterate an Ohio State Buckeyes fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: Whats the difference between the Ohio State Buckeyes and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!

Q: Why do Ohio students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!

Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the OSU campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.

Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at the University of Ohio?
A: They cause too much brain damage!

Q: What should you do if you find three Ohio State University football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between an Ohio State Buckeyes fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Ohio?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.

Q. How did the Ohio State Buckeye die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What is the definition of a Ohio virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..

Q: What do they call students who go to Ohio State?
A: Rejects from U of M!

Q: What does a Ohio State Buckeye fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: What do you call an Ohio State Buckeye in a BCS bowl championship game?
A: A referee.

Q: What do OSU and U of M students have in common?
A: They both got in to Ohio State!

Q: What's the difference between an Ohio State football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.

Q: Did you hear that University of Ohio's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: How many OSU Buckeyes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!

Q: What are the best four years of an Ohio State grads life?
A: Third grade

Q: What does a Ohio native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from the Ohio State University have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.

Q: What does Ohio State University and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Q. How do they separate the men from the boys at OSU?
A. With a restraining order.

Q: Why did Jim Tressel pour his cereal on a plate?
A: He lost his bowls.

Q. What's the first thing an OSU girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.

Q: What do you call an Ohio State football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!

Q: What is a Buckeyes fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Michigan."

Q: Why does a Buckeyes fan pour his cereal on a plate?
A: He lost his bowls.

Q: How do you stop an OSU fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Maize and Blue!

Q: What did the Ohio female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!

Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a Buckeyes fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at Buckeyes games anymore?
A: The student who knew the recipe graduated

Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in Ohio?
A: No one would look for them.

Two Coaches
Brady Hoke and Urban Meyer are in a bathroom taking a leak.
Meyer finishes and starts to walk out of the room when Hoke says up in Michigan, they teach us to wash our hands after we take a leak.
Urban Meyer responds, Down in Ohio, they teach us not to piss on our hands.

Falling in Love
A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was an Michigan State Spartans fan and he was a Michigan Wolverines fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a Spartans fan.

He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be an Michigan State Spartans fan."

The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?"

The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO BUCKEYES!"

Sheep Coitus

A Ohio State Buckeyes fan and a Nebraska fan were driving along when all of a sudden the Ohio State fan slams on the brakes.

There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the Ohio State fan said "We Buckeyes never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.

Then he says to the Nebraska fan, "Your turn"...

And the Cornhuskers fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.

Cemetary
One Day This Kid And His Mom Were Walking Past A Cemetery When They Past A Grave And the Kid Stopped To Read It.

He Read Aloud "Here Lies A Cincinnati Graduate And A Great Man."

The Kid Then Says "Mom I Dont Get It."

The Mom Says "Why Not?"

The Kid Says "Why Are there 2 People Burried here?"

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