North Dakota Jokes
Short North Dakota Jokes
Q: What do North Dakotans do on Halloween?
A: Pump kin!
Q: Did you hear that the governor's mansion in North Dakota burned down?
A: Almost took out the whole trailer park.
Q: Why do ducks fly over North Dakota upside down?
A: There's nothing worth craping on!
Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in North Dakota?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Q. What's the difference between a University of North Dakota sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.
Q: How do you know the toothbrush was invented in North Dakota?
A: If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.
Q: What's the most popular pick up line in North Dakota?
A: Nice tooth!
Q: What do North Dakotans call OPEC?
A: Oil Pricing Evil Cartel!
Q: Why do only 98 percent of Americans feel economic hardship because of $4/gallon gas?
A: The other 2 percent live in North Dakota!
Q: Why do folks from North Dakota go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?
A: 17 and under are not admitted.
Q: Why did North Dakota raise the minimum drinking age to 25?
A: They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools!
Q: What does a Bison grad call a Fighting Sioux grad in 5 years?
A: Boss!
Q: Why is "The Wave" banned in Fargodome?
A: Two Bison fans drowned last year.
Q: Why did the North Dakota regents decide to cover Alerus Center in cardboard?
A: Because the Fighting Sioux always look better on paper.
Q: What happens when blondes move from South Dakota to North Dakota?
A: Both states become smarter!
Q: Why aren't Bison cheerleaders allowed to do the splits?
A: They stick to the ground.
Q: Why do all the trees in Minnesota lean west?
A: North Dakota Sucks
Q: What does a girl from North Dakota do if she's not in bed by 10pm?
A: Go Home.
Q: Why do Fighting Sioux hockey players use body heat activated deodorant?
A: Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree".
Q: Why do University of Mary students have such beautiful noses?
A: They're hand picked.
Q: Why did the Fighting Sioux disband its water polo team?
A: All the horses drowned.
Q: What's the difference between a Minot State diploma and toilet paper?
A: About $30,000 per sheet.
Q: What does it say on the back of every Minot State diploma?
A: Will Work For Food.
Q: Why did the Minot State grad cross the road?
A: Better question why is he out of jail?
Q: How does a dumb blonde get into college?
A: She applies to North Dakota State.
Q: Why should the North Dakota State Bison change their uniforms to Orange?
A: So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.
Q: What's the one thing that keeps Fighting Sioux hockey players from graduating?
A: Going to Class.
Q: Why did the North Dakota Fighting Sioux hockey team cross the road?
A: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.
Q: How is a Fargo girl different from a bowling ball?
A: Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.
Q: What do Fighting Sioux grads use for Birth Control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How do you break a University of Mary grads finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.
Q: How do you get a North Dakota State Bison fan to laugh all weekend long?
A: Tell him a joke Monday morning.
Q: Why do North Dakota State Bison fans smell so bad?
A: So blind people can hate them too.
Q: Did you hear that 9 out of 10 coeds are good looking?
A: The other one goes to Minot State.
Q: Whats the difference between Burlington and yogurt?
A: Yogurt has an active living culture.
Q: What's the difference between the Alerus Center and a cactus?
A: The cactus has its pricks on the outside.
Q: What separates a good hockey team from a great hockey team?
A: The North Dakota-Minnesota border.
Q: How do you confuse a Minot State student?
A: You can't they were born that way.
Q: How do you get from Fargo to Grand Folks?
A: Go north until you smell shit and west until you step in it.
Q: What will you never hear a Minot State grad say?
A: "I have reviewed your application......"
Q: How can you tell if someone in North Dakota is married?
A: The tobacco spit stains are on both sides of his pickup truck.
Q: Why do North Dakota grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: Why are there so many unsolved murders in North Dakota?
A: There are no dental records and everyone has the same DNA
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of North Dakota campus?
A: A visitor.
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of North Dakota library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: What does the average University of North Dakota student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.
Q: How many University of North Dakota freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in North Dakota?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.
Q: How do you casterate an North Dakota grad?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: Why do North Dakota students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!
Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the University of North Dakota campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.
Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at the University of North Dakota?
A: They cause too much brain damage!
Q: What's the difference between an North Dakota grad and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in North Dakota?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Q. How did the North Dakota grad die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: How do you get a man in North Dakota to do sit-ups?
A: Put the remote control between his toes..
Q: What do they call students who go to University of North Dakota?
A: Rejects from University of South Dakota!
Q: What do North Dakota and South Dakota students have in common?
A: They both got in to University of North Dakota
Q: How many North Dakota grads does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
Q: What are the best four years of an North Dakota grads life?
A: Third grade
Q: What does a North Dakota native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of North Dakota have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.
Q. How do they separate the men from the boys in North Dakota?
A. With a restraining order.
Q. What's the first thing an North Dakota girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.
Q: What did the North Dakota female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!
Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at North Dakota games anymore?
A: The student who knew the recipe graduated
Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in North Dakota?
A: No one would look for them.
The News reported that a crocodile had been found in Bismarck, the locals said they were not surprised because they were expecting a cold snap!
I'm not drunk, I'm from North Dakota.
Elevator
A country bumpkin family from North Dakota decides to go to the Big Apple for the first Time in their lives; Maw, Paw and their son.
They go into the Empire State Building. As they're walking around they notice the elevator.
Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered.
While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes.
The North Dakota redneck family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up. They continue to watch as the numbers go down again.
The door opens and out walks this tall gorgeous blonde. Legs to her neck. Great figure. Beautiful!
Paw looks at his son and says, "Quick boy, shove yer Maw in there!"
Sheep Coitus
A man from Texas and a North Dakota fan were driving along when all of a sudden the Texas fan slams on the brakes.
There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the Texas fan said "We Texans never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.
Then he says to the North Dakota man, "Your turn"...
And the North Dakota man bends over and sticks his head in the fence.
Cemetary
One Day This Kid And His Mom Were Walking Past A Cemetery When They Past A Grave And the Kid Stopped To Read It.
He Read Aloud "Here Lies A North Dakota State Graduate And A Great Man."
The Kid Then Says "Mom I Dont Get It."
The Mom Says "Why Not?"
The Kid Says "Why Are there 2 People Burried here?"
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