Short North Carolina Jokes
Q. What's the difference between a North Carolina State sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.
Q: Why do NC State grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the Duke University campus?
A: A visitor.
Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in North Carolina?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the North Carolina State University library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: Did you hear about the fire in North Carolina State's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
Q: What does the average North Carolina State University student get on his SAT?
Q: How many North Carolina State University freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Q: How do you make University of North Carolina State cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
Q: If you have a car containing a Tarheel point guard, a Tarheel power forward, and a Tarheel center, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in North Carolina?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.
Q: How do you casterate a NC State Wolfpack fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: Whats the difference between the NC State Wolfpack and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!
Q: Why do North Carolina students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!
Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the NC State Wolfpack campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.
Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at NC State University?
A: They cause too much brain damage!
Q: What should you do if you find three University Of North Carolina basketball fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between an North Carolina Tarheels fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in North Carolina?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Q. How did the NC State grad die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What does a Tarheel grad call a Blue Devils grad in 5 years?
I'm not saying Tarheels basketball players are dumb, but the coach is dressing six players for this Saturdays game.
The rest will dress themselves.
Q: Why is "The Wave" banned in Kenan Memorial Stadium?
A: Two Tarheels fans drowned last year.
Q: Why did the New York regents decide to cover Kenan Memorial Stadium in cardboard?
A: Because the Tarheels always look better on paper.
Q: What happens when blondes move from South Carolina to North Carolina?
A: Both states become smarter!
Q: Why aren't NC State cheerleaders allowed to do the splits?
A: They stick to the ground.
Q: Why do all the trees in Virginia lean south?
A: North Carolina Sucks
Q: What does a girl from the Greensboro do if she's not in bed by 10pm?
A: Go Home.
Q: Why do Blue Devils basketball players use body heat activated deodorant?
A: Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree".
Q: Why do Duke students have such beautiful noses?
A: They're hand picked.
Q: Why did NC State disband its water polo team?
A: All the horses drowned.
Q: What's the difference between a North Carolina at Charlotte diploma and toilet paper?
A: About $80,000 per sheet.
Q: What does it say on the back of every University of North Carolina at Charlotte diploma?
A: Will Work For Food.
Q: Why did the Coastal Carolina Community College grad cross the road?
A: Better question why is he out of jail?
Q: How does a dumb blonde get into college?
A: She applies to NC State.
Q: Why should the NC State Wolfpack change their uniforms to Orange?
A: So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.
Q: What's the one thing that keeps North Carolina basketball players from graduating?
A: Going to Class.
Q: Why did the Duke football team cross the road?
A: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.
Q: How is a Chapel Hill girl different from a bowling ball?
A: Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.
Q: What do Duke University grads use for Birth Control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How do you break a Duke grads finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.
Q: How do you get a NC State fan to laugh all weekend long?
A: Tell him a joke Monday morning.
Q: Why do North Carolina at Charlotte fans smell so bad?
A: So blind people can hate them too.
Q: Why did North Carolina change their field from grass to artificial turf?
A: To keep the Tarheels cheerleaders from grazing the field at halftime.
Q: Did you hear that 9 out of 10 coeds are good looking?
A: The other one goes to NC State.
Q: Whats the difference between Chapel Hill and yogurt?
A: Yogurt has an active living culture.
Q: Why do the Duke Blue Devils eat cereal straight from the box?
A: They choke whenever they get near a bowl.
Q: What's the difference between Wallace Wade Stadium and a cactus?
A: The cactus has its pricks on the outside.
Q: What separates a good team from a great team?
A: The South Carolina-North Carolina border.
Q: How do you confuse a NC State student?
A: You can't they were born that way.
Q: How do you get from Durham to Chapel Hill?
A: Go north until you smell shit and east until you step in it.
Q: What will you never hear a North Carolina of Charlotte grad say?
A: "I have reviewed your application......"
Q: What is the definition of a North Carolina virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..
Q: What do they call students who go to NC State?
A: Rejects from University of North Carolina!
Q: What does a NC State Wolfpack fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: What do North Carolina and NC State students have in common?
A: They both got in to Alabama
Q: What's the difference between a NC State football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.
Q: Did you hear that NC State's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: How many North Carolina State grads does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
Q: What are the best four years of an NC State grads life?
A: Third grade
Q: What does a North Carolina native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from the NC State University have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.
Q: What do the University of North Carolina and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!
Q. How do they separate the men from the boys at NC State?
A. With a restraining order.
Q. What's the first thing an North Carolina girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.
Q: What do you call a NC State football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!
Q: What is a Duke fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat North Carolina."
Q: Why does a Tarheels fan pour his cereal on a plate?
A: He lost his bowls.
Q: How do you stop an North Carolina fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Duke Blue!
Q: What did the North Carolina female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!
Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a Blue Devils fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at NC State games anymore?
A: The student who knew the recipe graduated
Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in North Carolina?
A: No one would look for them.
Falling in Love
A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was a Maryland Terrapins fan and he was a Duke Blue Devils fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a Terrapins fan.
He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be a Maryland Terrapins fan."
The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?"
The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO TARHEELS!"
A Maryland Terrapins fan and a North Carolina Tarheels fan were driving along when all of a sudden the Maryland fan slams on the brakes.
There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the Maryland fan said "We Terrapins never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.
Then he says to the North Carolina fan, "Your turn"...
And the Tarheels fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.
One Day This Kid And His Mom Were Walking Past A Cemetery When They Past A Grave And the Kid Stopped To Read It.
He Read Aloud "Here Lies A Duke Graduate And A Great Man."
The Kid Then Says "Mom I Dont Get It."
The Mom Says "Why Not?"
The Kid Says "Why Are there 2 People Burried here?"