Short New York Jokes
Q. What's the difference between a University of Buffalo sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.
Q: What's the only thing that grows in Buffalo?
A: The Crime Rate!
Q: What's the only thing that grows in Buffalo?
A: The swelling from your head from getting jacked!
Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in New York?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Q: Why do University of Buffalo grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: Where do fat cows go on vacation?
A: Moo York.
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Buffalo campus?
A: A visitor.
Q: Why don't Syracuse football players sink in the Great Lakes?
A: Because crap floats...
Q: What does a NYU grad call a Columbia grad in 5 years?
I'm not saying St Johns basketball players are dumb, but the coach is dressing six players for this Saturdays game.
The rest will dress themselves.
Q: Why is "The Wave" banned in the Carrier Dome?
A: Two Orangemen fans drowned last year.
Q: Why did the New York regents decide to cover the Carrier Dome in cardboard?
A: Because the Orangemen always look better on paper.
Q: What happens when blondes move from New Jersey to New York?
A: Both states become smarter!
Q: Why aren't Buffalo cheerleaders allowed to do the splits?
A: They stick to the ground.
Q: Why do all the trees in Massachusetts lean west?
A: New York Sucks
Q: What does a girl from the "Big Apple" do if she's not in bed by 10pm?
A: Go Home.
Q: Why do Orangemen basketball players use body heat activated deodorant?
A: Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree".
Q: Why do Juilliard students have such beautiful noses?
A: They're hand picked.
Q: Why did Syracuse disband its water polo team?
A: All the horses drowned.
Q: What's the difference between a Buffalo diploma and toilet paper?
A: About $80,000 per sheet.
Q: What does it say on the back of every University of Buffalo diploma?
A: Will Work For Food.
Q: Why did the University of Buffalo grad cross the road?
A: Better question why is he out of jail?
Q: How does a dumb blonde get into college?
A: She applies to University of Buffalo.
Q: What do you call a group of cows that judge a book?
A: The Moo-York-Times!
Q: Why did Syracuse change their uniforms to Orange?
A: So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.
Q: What's the one thing that keeps Seton Hall basketball players from graduating?
A: Going to Class.
Q: Why did the Syracuse football team cross the road?
A: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.
Q: How is a Buffalo girl different from a bowling ball?
A: Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.
Q: What do New Mexico grads use for Birth Control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How do you break a Juilliard grads finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.
Q: How do you get a Syracuse fan to laugh all weekend long?
A: Tell him a joke Monday morning.
Q: Why do Buffalo fans smell so bad?
A: So blind people can hate them too.
Q: Why did Syracuse change their field from grass to artificial turf?
A: To keep the Orange cheerleaders from grazing the field at halftime.
Q: Did you hear that 9 out of 10 coeds are good looking?
A: The other one goes to University of Buffalo.
Q: Whats the difference between Buffalo and yogurt?
A: Yogurt has an active living culture.
Q: Why do the Syracuse Orange eat cereal straight from the box?
A: They choke whenever they get near a bowl.
Q: What's the difference between Carrier Dome and a cactus?
A: The cactus has its pricks on the outside.
Q: What separates a good team from a great team?
A: The Massachusetts-New York border.
Q: How do you confuse a Buffalo student?
A: You can't they were born that way.
Q: How do you get from Boston to New York City?
A: Go south until you smell shit and west until you step in it.
Q: What will you never hear a Buffalo grad say?
A: "I have reviewed your application......"
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Syracuse University library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: Did you hear about the fire in the Syracuse University football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
Q: What does the average University of Buffalo student get on his SAT?
Q: How many University of Buffalo freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Q: How do you make Syracuse University cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
Q: If you have a car containing a Syracuse wide receiver, a Syracuse linebacker, and a Syracuse defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Syracuse?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.
Q: How do you casterate a Syracuse Orange fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: Whats the difference between the Syracuse Orange and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!
Q: Why do New York students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!
Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the University of Buffalo campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.
Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at the University of Buffalo?
A: They cause too much brain damage!
Q: What should you do if you find three Syracuse University football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between an Syracuse Orange fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Buffalo?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Q. How did the Syracuse Orange grad die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What is the definition of a New York City virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..
Q: What do they call students who go to Syracuse?
A: Rejects from NYU!
Q: What does a Syracuse Orange fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: What do you call an Syracuse Orangmen in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.
Q: What do Syracuse and NYU students have in common?
A: They both got in to Syracuse!
Q: What's the difference between a Syracuse football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.
Q: Did you hear that Syracuse's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: How many University of Buffalo grads does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
Q: What are the best four years of an University of Buffalo grads life?
A: Third grade
Q: What does a New York native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of Buffalo have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.
Q: What do Syracuse University and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!
Q. How do they separate the men from the boys at the University of Buffalo?
A. With a restraining order.
Q. What's the first thing an New York girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.
Q: What do you call an Syracuse football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!
Q: What is a Syracuse fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat West Virginia."
Q: Why does a Syracuse fan pour his cereal on a plate?
A: He lost his bowls.
Q: How do you stop an Syracuse fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in West Virginia Black and Gold!
Q: What did the Syracuse female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!
Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a Syracuse fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at Orangemen games anymore?
A: The student who knew the recipe graduated
Its so cold in New York,that the statue of liberty shoved the torch up her dress !!
your so fat you got more rolls then a New York bakery on thanks giving.
If Anthony Weiner does pull this off and he becomes the next Mayor of New York, I would hope the Academy would give him an award for best actor in a political race.
(singing) I wish there was an Oscar for Mayor Wiener...
Falling in Love
A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was a Rugters Scarlet Knights fan and he was a Pittsburgh Panthers fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a Scarlet Knights fan.
He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be an Rutgers Scarlett Knights fan."
The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?"
The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO ORANGEMEN!"
A West Virginia Mountaineers fan and a Syracuse Orangemen fan were driving along when all of a sudden the West Virginia fan slams on the brakes.
There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the West Virginia fan said "We Mountaineers never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.
Then he says to the Syracuse fan, "Your turn"...
And the Orangemen fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.
One Day This Kid And His Mom Were Walking Past A Cemetery When They Past A Grave And the Kid Stopped To Read It.
He Read Aloud "Here Lies A Syracuse Graduate And A Great Man."
The Kid Then Says "Mom I Dont Get It."
The Mom Says "Why Not?"
The Kid Says "Why Are there 2 People Burried here?"