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Short New Mexico Jokes
Q. What's the difference between a Western New Mexico University sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.
Q: What's the only thing that grows in Albuquerque?
A: The Crime Rate!
Q: What's the only thing that grows in Albuquerque?
A: The swelling from your head from getting jacked!
Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in New Mexico?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Q: Why do New Mexico State grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the New Mexico State University campus?
A: A visitor.
Q: Why did Forrest Gump choose 'Bama over New Mexico?
A: He wanted an academic challenge!
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the New Mexico State University library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of New Mexico's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
Q: What does the average Western New Mexico University student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.
Q: How many New Mexico State University freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Q: How do you make University of New Mexico cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
Q: If you have a car containing a Lobos wide receiver, a Lobos linebacker, and a Lobos defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in New Mexico?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.
Q: How do you casterate an New Mexico Lobos fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: Whats the difference between the New Mexico Lobos and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!
Q: Why do New Mexico students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!
Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the New Mexico State University campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.
Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at the University of New Mexico?
A: They cause too much brain damage!
Q: What should you do if you find three University Of New Mexico Lobos football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between an New Mexico Lobos fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in New Mexico?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Q. How did the New Mexico Lobos die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What is the definition of a New Mexico virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..
Q: What do they call students who go to New Mexico State?
A: Rejects from University of New Mexico!
Q: What does a New Mexico Lobos fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: What do you call an New Mexico Lobo in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.
Q: What do New Mexico and New Mexico State students have in common?
A: They both got in to New Mexico State.
Q: What's the difference between an New Mexico football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.
Q: Did you hear that New Mexico's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: How many New Mexico Lobos does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!
Q: What are the best four years of a New Mexico Lobos life?
A: Third grade
Q: What does a New Mexico native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of New Mexico have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.
Q: What do the University of New Mexico and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!
Q. How do they separate the men from the boys at the University of New Mexico?
A. With a restraining order.
Q. What's the first thing an New Mexico girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.
Q: What do you call a New Mexico football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!
Q: What did the New Mexico female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!
Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a Lobos fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at Lobos games anymore?
A: The student who knew the recipe graduated
Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in New Mexico?
A: No one would look for them.
Elevator
A country bumpkin family from New Mexico decides to go to the Big Apple for the first Time in their lives; Maw, Paw and their son.
They go into the Empire State Building. As they're walking around they notice the elevator.
Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered.
While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes.
The New Mexico redneck family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up. They continue to watch as the numbers go down again.
The door opens and out walks this tall gorgeous blonde. Legs to her neck. Great figure. Beautiful!
Paw looks at his son and says, "Quick boy, shove yer Maw in there!"
Falling in Love
A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was an Arizona Wildcats fan and he was a Boise State Broncos fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a Arizona Wildcats fan.
He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be an Arizona Wildcats fan."
The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?"
The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO LOBOS!"
Sheep Coitus
An Arizona Wildcats fan and a New Mexico Lobos fan were driving along when all of a sudden the Arizona fan slams on the brakes.
There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the Arizona fan said "We Wildcats never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.
Then he says to the New Mexico fan, "Your turn"...
And the Lobos fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.
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