Short New Mexico Jokes
Q. What's the difference between a Western New Mexico University sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.
Q: What's the only thing that grows in Albuquerque?
A: The Crime Rate!
Q: What's the only thing that grows in Albuquerque?
A: The swelling from your head from getting jacked!
Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in New Mexico?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Q: Why do New Mexico State grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the New Mexico State University campus?
A: A visitor.
Q: Why did Forrest Gump choose 'Bama over New Mexico?
A: He wanted an academic challenge!
Q: What does an Aggies grad call a Lobos grad in 5 years?
I'm not saying New Mexico State basketball players are dumb, but the coach is dressing six players for this Saturdays game.
The rest will dress themselves.
Q: Why is "The Wave" banned in Aggie Memorial Stadium?
A: Two Aggies fans drowned last year.
Q: Why did the New Mexico regents decide to cover University Stadium in cardboard?
A: Because the Lobos always look better on paper.
Q: What happens when blondes move from Nevada to New Mexico?
A: Both states become smarter!
Q: Why aren't New Mexico State cheerleaders allowed to do the splits?
A: They stick to the ground.
Q: Why do all the trees in Arizona lean east?
A: New Mexico Sucks
Q: What does a girl from Albuquerque do if she's not in bed by 10pm?
A: Go Home.
Q: Why do Lobos basketball players use body heat activated deodorant?
A: Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree".
Q: Why do New Mexico Lobos students have such beautiful noses?
A: They're hand picked.
Q: Why did New Mexico disband its water polo team?
A: All the horses drowned.
Q: What's the difference between a New Mexico State diploma and toilet paper?
A: About $80,000 per sheet.
Q: What does it say on the back of every New Mexico State diploma?
A: Will Work For Food.
Q: Why did the Santa Fe Community College grad cross the road?
A: Better question why is he out of jail?
Q: How does a dumb blonde get into college?
A: She applies to New Mexico State.
Q: Why should the Aggies change their uniforms to Orange?
A: So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.
Q: What's the one thing that keeps Lobos basketball players from graduating?
A: Going to Class.
Q: Why did the New Mexico Lobos football team cross the road?
A: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.
Q: How is a Albuquerque girl different from a bowling ball?
A: Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.
Q: What do New Mexico grads use for Birth Control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How do you break a Lobos grads finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.
Q: How do you get an Aggies fan to laugh all weekend long?
A: Tell him a joke Monday morning.
Q: Why do New Mexico State fans smell so bad?
A: So blind people can hate them too.
Q: Why did New Mexico change their field from grass to artificial turf?
A: To keep the Lobos cheerleaders from grazing the field at halftime.
Q: Did you hear that 9 out of 10 coeds are good looking?
A: The other one goes to New Mexico State.
Q: Whats the difference between Albuquerque and yogurt?
A: Yogurt has an active living culture.
Q: Why do the New Mexico Lobos eat cereal straight from the box?
A: They choke whenever they get near a bowl.
Q: What's the difference between University Stadium and a cactus?
A: The cactus has its pricks on the outside.
Q: What separates a good team from a great team?
A: The Arizona-New Mexico border.
Q: How do you confuse a New Mexico State student?
A: You can't they were born that way.
Q: How do you get from Phoenix to Albuquerque?
A: Go east until you smell shit and north until you step in it.
Q: What will you never hear an Eastern New Mexico University grad say?
A: "I have reviewed your application......"
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the New Mexico State University library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of New Mexico's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
Q: What does the average Western New Mexico University student get on his SAT?
Q: How many New Mexico State University freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Q: How do you make University of New Mexico cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
Q: If you have a car containing a Lobos wide receiver, a Lobos linebacker, and a Lobos defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in New Mexico?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.
Q: How do you casterate an New Mexico Lobos fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: Whats the difference between the New Mexico Lobos and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!
Q: Why do New Mexico students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!
Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the New Mexico State University campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.
Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at the University of New Mexico?
A: They cause too much brain damage!
Q: What should you do if you find three University Of New Mexico Lobos football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between an New Mexico Lobos fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in New Mexico?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Q. How did the New Mexico Lobos die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What is the definition of a New Mexico virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..
Q: What do they call students who go to New Mexico State?
A: Rejects from University of New Mexico!
Q: What does a New Mexico Lobos fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: What do you call an New Mexico Lobo in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.
Q: What do New Mexico and New Mexico State students have in common?
A: They both got in to New Mexico State.
Q: What's the difference between an New Mexico football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.
Q: Did you hear that New Mexico's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: How many New Mexico Lobos does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
Q: What are the best four years of a New Mexico Lobos life?
A: Third grade
Q: What does a New Mexico native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of New Mexico have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.
Q: What do the University of New Mexico and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!
Q. How do they separate the men from the boys at the University of New Mexico?
A. With a restraining order.
Q. What's the first thing an New Mexico girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.
Q: What do you call a New Mexico football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!
Q: What did the New Mexico female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!
Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a Lobos fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at Lobos games anymore?
A: The student who knew the recipe graduated
Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in New Mexico?
A: No one would look for them.
A country bumpkin family from New Mexico decides to go to the Big Apple for the first Time in their lives; Maw, Paw and their son.
They go into the Empire State Building. As they're walking around they notice the elevator.
Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered.
While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes.
The New Mexico redneck family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up. They continue to watch as the numbers go down again.
The door opens and out walks this tall gorgeous blonde. Legs to her neck. Great figure. Beautiful!
Paw looks at his son and says, "Quick boy, shove yer Maw in there!"
Falling in Love
A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was an Arizona Wildcats fan and he was a Boise State Broncos fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a Arizona Wildcats fan.
He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be an Arizona Wildcats fan."
The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?"
The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO LOBOS!"
An Arizona Wildcats fan and a New Mexico Lobos fan were driving along when all of a sudden the Arizona fan slams on the brakes.
There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the Arizona fan said "We Wildcats never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.
Then he says to the New Mexico fan, "Your turn"...
And the Lobos fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.
One Day This Kid And His Mom Were Walking Past A Cemetery When They Past A Grave And the Kid Stopped To Read It.
He Read Aloud "Here Lies A New Mexico State Graduate And A Great Man."
The Kid Then Says "Mom I Dont Get It."
The Mom Says "Why Not?"
The Kid Says "Why Are there 2 People Burried here?"