New Hampshire Jokes

Short New Hampshire Jokes

Q. What's the difference between a Southern New Hampshire University sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.

Q: Why do Southern New Hampshire University grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: What does a University of New Hampshire grad call a Darmouth grad in 5 years?
A: Boss!

Q: Why is "The Wave" banned in the Whittemore Center?
A: Two Black Bears fans drowned last year.

Q: Why did the New Hampshire regents decide to cover Whittemore Center in cardboard?
A: Because the Wildcats always look better on paper.

Q: What happens when blondes move from New York to New Hampshire?
A: Both states become smarter!

Q: Why aren't Wildcats cheerleaders allowed to do the splits?
A: They stick to the ground.

Q: Why do all the trees in Vermont lean east?
A: New Hampshire Sucks

Q: What does a girl from New Hampshire do if she's not in bed by 10pm?
A: Go Home.

Q: Why do Wildcats hockey players use body heat activated deodorant?
A: Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree".

Q: Why do Dartmouth students have such beautiful noses?
A: They're hand picked.

Q: Why did the Wildcats disband its water polo team?
A: All the horses drowned.

Q: What's the difference between a Southern New Hampshire diploma and toilet paper?
A: About $50,000 per sheet.

Q: What does it say on the back of every Plymouth State University diploma?
A: Will Work For Food.

Q: Why did the New Hampshire Community College grad cross the road?
A: Better question why is he out of jail?

Q: How does a dumb blonde get into college?
A: She applies to University of New Hampshire.

Q: Why should the New Hampshire Wildcats change their uniforms to Orange?
A: So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.

Q: What's the one thing that keeps Wildcats hockey players from graduating?
A: Going to Class.

Q: Why did the New Hampshire Wildcats hockey team cross the road?
A: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.

Q: How is an Durham girl different from a bowling ball?
A: Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.

Q: What do Dartmouth grads use for Birth Control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: How do you break a Dartmouth grads finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.

Q: How do you get a New Hampsire Wildcats fan to laugh all weekend long?
A: Tell him a joke Monday morning.

Q: Why do New Hampshire Wildcats fans smell so bad?
A: So blind people can hate them too.

Q: Did you hear that 9 out of 10 coeds are good looking?
A: The other one goes to Dartmouth.

Q: Whats the difference between Durham and yogurt?
A: Yogurt has an active living culture.

Q: What's the difference between the Whittemore Center and a cactus?
A: The cactus has its pricks on the outside.

Q: What separates a good hockey team from a great hockey team?
A: The New Hampshire-Maine border.

Q: How do you confuse a New Hampshire student?
A: You can't they were born that way.

Q: How do you get from Orono, ME to Durham, NH?
A: Go west until you smell shit and south until you step in it.

Q: What will you never hear a Southern New Hampshire grad say?
A: "I have reviewed your application......"

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the Southern New Hampshire University Illinois campus?
A: A visitor.

Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in New Hampshire?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Southern New Hampshire University library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of New Hampshire's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q: What does the average Southern New Hampshire University student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.

Q: How many Southern New Hampshire University freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.

Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in New Hampshire?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.

Q: How do you casterate an University of New Hampshire grad?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: Why do New Hampshire students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!

Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the University of New Hampshire campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.

Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at the University of New Hampshire?
A: They cause too much brain damage!

Q: What should you do if you find three University Of New Hampshire basketball fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in New Hampshire?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.

Q. How did the New Hampshire grad die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: How do you get a man in New Hampshire to do sit-ups?
A: Put the remote control between his toes..

Q: What do they call students who go to the University of New Hampshire?
A: Rejects from Dartmouth!

Q: What do UNH and Dartmouth students have in common?
A: They both got in to UNH

Q: How many New Hampshire grads does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!

Q: What are the best four years of an UNH grads life?
A: Third grade

Q: What does a New Hampshire native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of New Hampshire have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.

Q. How do they separate the men from the boys in New Hampshire?
A. With a restraining order.

Q. What's the first thing a New Hampshire girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.

Q: What did the New Hampshire female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!

Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in New Hampshire?
A: No one would look for them.

The News reported that a crocodile had been found in Concord, the locals said they were not surprised because they were expecting a cold snap!

I'm not drunk, I'm from New Hampshire.

Sheep Coitus

A man from Texas and a New Hampshire fan were driving along when all of a sudden the Texas man slams on the brakes.

There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the Texas man said "We Texans never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.

Then he says to the New Hampshire man, "Your turn"...

And the New Hampshire man bends over and sticks his head in the fence.

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