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Short Nevada Jokes
Q. What's the difference between a University of Southern Nevada sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.
Q: What is the only way to keep your money from the casinos in Vegas?
A: When you get off the plane walk into the propellers!
Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Nevada?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Q: Why do UNLV grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the UNLV library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Nevada's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
Q: What does the average UNLV student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.
Q: How many UNLV freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Q: How do you make University of Nevada cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
Q: If you have a car containing a Wolfpack wide receiver, a Wolfpack linebacker, and a Wolfpack defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Nevada?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.
Q: How do you casterate an Nevada Wolfpack fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: Whats the difference between the Nevada Wolfpack and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!
Q: Why do Nevada students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!
Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Nevada Wolfpack campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.
Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned in UNLV?
A: They cause too much brain damage!
Q: What should you do if you find three University Of Nevada football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between a Nevada Wolfpack fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Nevada?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Q. How did the Nevada Wolfpack grad die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What is the definition of a Nevada virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..
Q: What do they call students who go to UNLV?
A: Rejects from University of Nevada!
Q: What does a Nevada Wolfpack fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: What do you call an Nevada Wolfpack in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.
Q: What do Nevada and UNLV students have in common?
A: They both got in to UNLV
Q: What's the difference between a Nevada football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.
Q: Did you hear that Nevada's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: How many Nevada Wolfpack grads does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!
Q: What are the best four years of an Nevada Wolfpacks life?
A: Third grade
Q: What does a Nevada native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from UNLV have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.
Q: What do the University of Nevada and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!
Q. How do they separate the men from the boys in Las Vegas?
A. With a restraining order.
Q. What's the first thing an Las Vegas girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.
Q: What do you call an Univeristy of Nevada football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!
Q: Why does a University of Nevada fan pour his cereal on a plate?
A: He lost his bowls.
Q: How do you stop an UNLV fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Nevada Blue!
Q: What did the Reno female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!
Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a Rebels fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at UNLV games anymore?
A: The student who knew the recipe graduated
Getting Paid In Vegas
A man comes home to find his wife packing her bags. "Where are you going?" demands the surprised husband. "To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay me $500 cash to do what I do for you for free!"
The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing HIS bags. "What do you think you are doing?" she screamed.
"I'm going to Las Vegas with you... I want to see how you're going to live on $1000 a year!"
Roll Of the Dice
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at a craps table. A very attractive lady comes in and wants to bet twenty- thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm bottomless."
With that she strips naked from the waist down, and rolls the dice while yelling, "Momma needs a new pair of pants!"
She then begins jumping up and down and hugging each of the dealers. "YES! I WIN! I WIN!"
With that she picks up her money and clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll anyway?"
The other answers, "I thought YOU were watching!"
Riding Horses
A Texan, a Californian, and a Nevadan were out riding their horses.
The Texan pulled out an expensive bottle of tequila, took a long draught, then another, and then suddenly threw it into the air, pulled out his gun and shot the bottle in midair.
The Californian looked at the Texan and said, "What are you doing? That was a perfectly good bottle of whiskey!!
The Texan replied, "In Texas, there's plenty of whiskey and bottles are cheap.
A while later, not wanted to be outdone, the Californian pulled out a bottle of wine, took a few sips, threw the half full champagne bottle into the air, pulled out his gun, and shot it in midair.
The Nevadan couldn't believe this and said "What the heck did you that for? That was an expensive bottle of wine! The Californian replied, "In California there is plenty of wine and bottles are cheap."
A while later, the Nevadan pulled out a bottle of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale. He opened it, took a sip, took another sip, then chugged the rest. He then put the bottle back in his saddlebag, pulled out his gun, turned, and shot the Californian.
The shocked Texan said "Why in the hell did you do that?"
The Nevadan replied, "Well, in Nevada we have plenty of Californians and bottles are worth a nickel."
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