Nebraska Jokes


Short Nebraska Jokes

Q. What's the difference between a Creighton University sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.

Q. What does a Nebraska Cornhusker do on Halloween?
A. Pump kin!

Q. How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Nebraska?
A. If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.

Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Nebraska?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.

Q: Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Nebraska burned down?
A: Almost took out the whole trailer park.

Q: What's the most popular pick up line in Nebraska?
A: Nice tooth!

Q: Why do folks from Nebraska go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?
A: 17 and under are not admitted.

Q: Why did Nebraska raise the minimum drinking age to 25?
A: They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools!

Q: How can you tell if someone in Nebraska is married?
A: The tobacco spit stains are on both sides of his pickup truck.

Q: Why do Creighton grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the Creighton University campus?
A: A visitor.

Q: What do you call a Nebraskan who watches Fox News?
A: A CORNservative.

Q: Why did Forrest Gump choose 'Bama over Nebraska?
A: He wanted an academic challenge!

Q: What does a Cornhuskers grad call a Jayhawks grad in 5 years?
A: Boss!

I'm not saying Creighton basketball players are dumb, but the coach is dressing six players for this Saturdays game.
The rest will dress themselves.

Q: Why is "The Wave" banned in Memorial Stadium?
A: Two Cornhuskers fans drowned last year.

Q: Why did the Nebraska regents decide to cover Memorial Stadium in cardboard?
A: Because the Cornhuskers always look better on paper.

Q: What happens when blondes move from Kansas to Nebraska?
A: Both states become smarter!

Q: Why aren't Nebraska cheerleaders allowed to do the splits?
A: They stick to the ground.

Q: Why do all the trees in Kansas lean north?
A: Nebraska Sucks

Q: What does a girl from Nebraska do if she's not in bed by 10pm?
A: Go Home.

Q: Why do Bluejays basketball players use body heat activated deodorant?
A: Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree".

Q: Why do Creighton students have such beautiful noses?
A: They're hand picked.

Q: Why did Nebraska disband its water polo team?
A: All the horses drowned.

Q: What's the difference between a Bellevue diploma and toilet paper?
A: About $50,000 per sheet.

Q: What does it say on the back of every Bellevue diploma?
A: Will Work For Food.

Q: Why did the Metropolitan Community College grad cross the road?
A: Better question why is he out of jail?

Q: How does a dumb blonde get into college?
A: She applies to Nebraska.

Q: Why should the Nebraska Cornhuskers change their uniforms to Orange?
A: So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.

Q: What's the one thing that keeps Bluejays basketball players from graduating?
A: Going to Class.

Q: Why did the Nebraska Cornhuskers football team cross the road?
A: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.

Q: How is a Lincoln girl different from a bowling ball?
A: Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.

Q: What do Bluejays grads use for Birth Control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: How do you break a Creighton grads finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.

Q: How do you get a Cornhuskers fan to laugh all weekend long?
A: Tell him a joke Monday morning.

Q: Why do Creighton fans smell so bad?
A: So blind people can hate them too.

Q: Why did Nebraska change their field from grass to artificial turf?
A: To keep the Cornhuskers cheerleaders from grazing the field at halftime.

Q: Did you hear that 9 out of 10 coeds are good looking?
A: The other one goes to Creighton.

Q: Whats the difference between Lincoln, Nebraska and yogurt?
A: Yogurt has an active living culture.

Q: Why do the Nebraska Cornhuskers eat cereal straight from the box?
A: They choke whenever they get near a bowl.

Q: What's the difference between Memorial Stadium and a cactus?
A: The cactus has its pricks on the outside.

Q: What separates a good team from a great team?
A: The Nebraska-Kansas border.

Q: How do you confuse a Bellevue University student?
A: You can't they were born that way.

Q: How do you get from Manhattan, Kansas to Lincoln, Nebraska?
A: Go north until you smell shit and west until you step in it.

Q: What will you never hear a Bellevue U grad say?
A: "I have reviewed your application......"

Q: How many husker fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they all stood around and talked about how good the burned out one was!

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Creighton University library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Nebraska's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q: What does the average Creighton University student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.

Q: How many Creighton University freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.

Q: How do you make University of Nebraska cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Q: If you have a car containing a Cornhuskers wide receiver, a Cornhuskers linebacker, and a Cornhuskers defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Nebraska?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.

Q: How do you casterate an Nebraska Cornhuskers fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: Why did the Nebraska Cornhuskers join the Big 10?
A: Because the Huskers couldn't count to 10 either!

Q: Why does all of the corn in Iowa lean to the east?
A: Because Nebraska blows and Illinois sucks!

Q: Why did Tom Osborne pour his cereal on a plate?
A: He lost his bowls.

Q: Whats the difference between the Nebraska Cornhuskers and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!

Q: Why do Nebraska students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!

Q: What's the best thing to come out of Nebraska?
A: I-80

Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Creighton University campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.

Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at the University of Nebraska?
A: They cause too much brain damage!

Q: What should you do if you find three University Of Nebraska football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between an Nebraska Cornhuskers fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Nebraska?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.

Q. How did the Nebraska Cornhusker die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What is the definition of a Nebraska Cornhuskers virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..

Q: What do they call students who go to Creighton?
A: Rejects from University of Nebraska!

Q: What does a Nebraska Cornhuskers fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: What do you call a Nebraska Cornhusker in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.

Q: What do Nebraska and Creighton students have in common?
A: They both got in to Creighton

Q: What's the difference between an Nebraska football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.

Q: Did you hear that Nebraska's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: How many Nebraska Cornhuskers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!

Q: What are the best four years of an Nebraska Cornhuskers life?
A: Third grade

Q: What does a Nebraska native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of Nebraska have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.

Q: What do the University of Nebraska and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Q. How do they separate the men from the boys at Nebraska?
A. With a restraining order.

Q. What's the first thing a Nebraska girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.

Q: What do you call an Nebraska football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Nebraska!
Nebraska who?
Nebraska woman her age.

Falling in Love
A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was an Iowa Hawkeyes fan and he was a Iowa State Cyclones fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a Hawkeye fan.

He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be an Iowa Hawkeyes fan."

The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?"

The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO HUSKERS!"

Riding Horses

A Texas fan, a Nebraska fan, and an Iowa State fan were out riding horses one day. At one point, the Texas fan pulled out a bottle of expensive bourbon, took a long swig, threw the bottle to the ground, pulled out his pistol and shot it.

"What are you doing?" asked the Nebraska fan. "That was perfectly good whiskey."
"In Texas, we have more bourbon than we need," said the Longhorn fan, "And bottles are cheap."

They rode along for a while, and the Nebraska fan was thinking. Then he pulled out a bottle of champagne, opened it, took a swig, threw down the bottle, pulled out his pistol and shot the bottle.
"What are you doing?" asked the Cyclone fan. "That was perfectly good champagne."
"In Nebraska," said the Husker fan, "We have more champagne than we need, and the bottles are cheap."

They rode along for a while, and then the Cyclone fan pulled out a bottle of beer, drank the whole thing, put the bottle back in his saddlebag, pulled out his pistol and shot the Nebraska fan.
"What are you doing?" asked the Texas fan.

"In Iowa, " replied the Cyclone fan, "we have more Husker fans than we need, but bottles are worth a nickel a piece."

Teaching

A kindergarten teacher explains to her class that she is a Husker. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Huskers too. No one really knows what a Husker is, but wanting to be like their teacher their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.

"Because I'm not a Husker."
"Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?"
"Why, I'm a proud ISU Cyclone," boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a Cyclone.
"Well, my mom and dad are Cyclones, so I'm a Cyclone too."
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"
"Then," says Kristen, "I'd be a Husker."

Sheep Coitus

A Texas fan and a Nebraska fan were driving along when all of a sudden the Texas fan slams on the brakes.

There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the Texas fan said "We Texans never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.

Then he says to the Nebraska fan, "Your turn"...

And the Nebraska fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.

Elevator
A country bumpkin family from Nebraska decides to go to the Big Apple for the first Time in their lives; Maw, Paw and their son.

They go into the Empire State Building. As they're walking around they notice the elevator.

Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered.

While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes.

The Nebraska redneck family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up. They continue to watch as the numbers go down again.

The door opens and out walks this tall gorgeous blonde. Legs to her neck. Great figure. Beautiful!

Paw looks at his son and says, "Quick boy, shove yer Maw in there!"

Cemetary
One Day This Kid And His Mom Were Walking Past A Cemetery When They Past A Grave And the Kid Stopped To Read It.

He Read Aloud "Here Lies A Nebraska Graduate And A Great Man."

The Kid Then Says "Mom I Dont Get It."

The Mom Says "Why Not?"

The Kid Says "Why Are there 2 People Burried here?"

Spelling Bee
A Nebraska Huskers fan was in the finals of the state spelling bee.

"Okay, your word is 'farm,'" the moderator said to the Husker.

He sat there for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face. "Um... Can I have a definition?"

"Sure," the moderator said. "It is a plot of agricultural land, used for the raising of crops and livestock."

"Uhhh..." The Nebraskan sat there for several more minutes, continuing to ask for alternative pronunciations, word origins, etc. The moderator was getting frustrated. Finally the huskers fan asked, "Uh, can you use it in a sentence?"

"Old MacDonald had a FARM!" the moderator shouted.

"Oh!" said the Husker. "E-I-E-I-O!"

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