Short Mississippi Jokes
Q. What's the difference between a University of Southern Mississippi sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.
Q. What does a Mississippi Rebel do on Halloween?
A. Pump kin!
Q: What has 4 eyes but cannot see?
Q: Where do married stoners go?
Q: What has 5 eyes and is lying on the water?
A: Mississippi River
Q. Why do ducks fly over Mississippi upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!
Q. How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Mississippi?
A. If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.
Q: Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Mississippi burned down?
A: Almost took out the whole trailer park.
Q: What's the most popular pick up line in Mississippi?
A: Nice tooth!
Q: Why are there so many unsolved murders in Mississippi?
A: There are no dental records and everyone has the same DNA
Q: Why do folks from Mississippi go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?
A: 17 and under are not admitted.
Q: What do you call a stoner's wife?
A: Mississipi (Mrs. Hippy).
Q: Why did Forrest Gump choose 'Bama over Mississippi?
A: He wanted an academic challenge!
Q: What does a Bulldog grad call a Runnin Rebel in 5 years?
I'm not saying Runnin Rebels basketball players are dumb, but the coach is dressing six players for this Saturdays game.
The rest will dress themselves.
Q: Why is "The Wave" banned in Davis Wade Stadium?
A: Two Bulldogs fans drowned last year.
Q: Why did the Mississippi regents decide to cover Vaught-Hemingway Stadium in cardboard?
A: Because the Rebels always look better on paper.
Q: What happens when blondes move from Alabama to Mississippi?
A: Both states become smarter!
Q: Why aren't Southern Miss cheerleaders allowed to do the splits?
A: They stick to the ground.
Q: Why do all the trees in Alabama lean west?
A: Mississippi Sucks
Q: What does a girl from Mississippi do if she's not in bed by 10pm?
A: Go Home.
Q: Why do Rebels basketball players use body heat activated deodorant?
A: Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree".
Q: Why do Southern Miss students have such beautiful noses?
A: They're hand picked.
Q: Why did Ole Miss disband its water polo team?
A: All the horses drowned.
Q: What's the difference between a Southern Miss diploma and toilet paper?
A: About $80,000 per sheet.
Q: What does it say on the back of every Mississippi Gulf Coast Community College diploma?
A: Will Work For Food.
Q: Why did the Mississippi Gulf Coast Community College grad cross the road?
A: Better question why is he out of jail?
Q: How does a dumb blonde get into college?
A: She applies to Southern Miss.
Q: Why should the Mississippi State Bulldogs change their uniforms to Orange?
A: So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.
Q: What's the one thing that keeps Rebels basketball players from graduating?
A: Going to Class.
Q: Why did the Southern Miss football team cross the road?
A: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.
Q: How is a Hattiesburg girl different from a bowling ball?
A: Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.
Q: What do Runnin Rebels grads use for Birth Control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How do you break a Southern Miss' grads finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.
Q: How do you get a Bulldogs fan to laugh all weekend long?
A: Tell him a joke Monday morning.
Q: Why do Southern Miss fans smell so bad?
A: So blind people can hate them too.
Q: Why did Ole Miss change their field from grass to artificial turf?
A: To keep the Rebels cheerleaders from grazing the field at halftime.
Q: Did you hear that 9 out of 10 coeds are good looking?
A: The other one goes to Southern Miss.
Q: Whats the difference between Oxford, MS and yogurt?
A: Yogurt has an active living culture.
Q: Why do the Mississippi State Bulldogs eat cereal straight from the box?
A: They choke whenever they get near a bowl.
Q: What's the difference between Vaught-Hemingway Stadium and a cactus?
A: The cactus has its pricks on the outside.
Q: What separates a good team from a great team?
A: The Mississippi-Alabama border.
Q: How do you confuse a Southern Miss student?
A: You can't they were born that way.
Q: How do you get from Tuscaloosa, Alabama to Oxford, Mississippi?
A: Go west until you smell shit and north until you step in it.
Q: What will you never hear a Southern Miss grad say?
A: "I have reviewed your application......"
Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Mississippi?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Q: Why did Mississippi raise the minimum drinking age to 25?
A: They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools!
Q: How can you tell if someone in Mississippi is married?
A: The tobacco spit stains are on both sides of his pickup truck.
Q: Why do Mississippi State grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Southern Mississippi campus?
A: A visitor.
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Mississippi State University library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Mississippi's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
Q: What does the average University of Southern Mississippi student get on his SAT?
Q: How many University of Southern Mississippi freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Q: How do you make University of Mississippi cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
Q: If you have a car containing a Rebels wide receiver, a Rebels linebacker, and a Rebels defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Mississippi?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.
Q: How do you casterate a Mississippi Rebels fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: Whats the difference between the Mississippi Rebels and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!
Q: Why do Mississippi students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!
Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Mississippi Rebels campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.
Q: What is 20 feet long and has 5 teeth?
A: The funnel cake line at the Mississippi state fair.
Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at the University of Mississippi?
A: They cause too much brain damage!
Q: What should you do if you find three University Of Mississippi football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between an Mississippi Rebels fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Mississippi?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Q. How did the Mississippi State Bulldog die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What is the definition of a Mississippi virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..
Q: What do they call students who go to Mississippi State?
A: Rejects from University of Mississippi!
Q: What does a Mississippi Rebels fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: What do you call an Mississippi Rebels in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.
Q: What do Mississippi and Mississippi State students have in common?
A: They both got in to Mississippi State
Q: What's the difference between an Mississippi football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.
Q: Did you hear that Mississippi's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: How many Mississippi Rebelss does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
Q: What are the best four years of a Mississippi Rebelss life?
Q: What does Justin Bieber have in common with the Mississippi river?
A: They both have beavers stuck up there dirty rivers.
Q: What does a Mississippi native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of Mississippi have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.
Q: What do the University of Mississippi and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!
Q. How do they separate the men from the boys in Mississippi?
A. With a restraining order.
Q. What's the first thing an Mississippi girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.
Q: What do you call an Mississippi Rebels football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!
Q: What is a Rebels fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Alabama."
Q: Why does a Rebels fan pour his cereal on a plate?
A: He lost his bowls.
Q: How do you stop an Mississippi fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Alabama Crimson!
Q: What did the Mississippi female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!
Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a Rebels fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at Rebels games anymore?
A: The student who knew the recipe graduated
Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in Mississippi?
A: No one would look for them.
Mississippi, still the only state where you can get a divorce and still be brother and sister!
A country bumpkin family from Mississippi decides to go to the Big Apple for the first Time in their lives; Maw, Paw and their son.
They go into the Empire State Building. As they're walking around they notice the elevator.
Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered.
While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes.
The Mississippi redneck family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up. They continue to watch as the numbers go down again.
The door opens and out walks this tall gorgeous blonde. Legs to her neck. Great figure. Beautiful!
Paw looks at his son and says, "Quick boy, shove yer Maw in there!"
Falling in Love
A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was an LSU Tigers fan and he was an Alabama Crimson Tide fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a LSU Tigers fan.
He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be a LSU Tigers fan."
The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?"
The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO RebelsS!"
An Arkansas Razorbacks fan and a Ole Miss fan were driving along when all of a sudden the Arkansas fan slams on the brakes.
There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the Arkansas fan said "We Razorbacks never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.
Then he says to the Ole Miss fan, "Your turn"...
And the Rebelss fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.
One Day This Kid And His Mom Were Walking Past A Cemetery When They Past A Grave And the Kid Stopped To Read It.
He Read Aloud "Here Lies A Mississippi Graduate And A Great Man."
The Kid Then Says "Mom I Dont Get It."
The Mom Says "Why Not?"
The Kid Says "Why Are there 2 People Burried here?"