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Short Mississippi Jokes
Q. What's the difference between a University of Southern Mississippi sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.
Q. What does a Mississippi Rebel do on Halloween?
A. Pump kin!
Q. Why do ducks fly over Mississippi upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!
Q. How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Mississippi?
A. If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.
Q: Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Mississippi burned down?
A: Almost took out the whole trailer park.
Q: What's the most popular pick up line in Mississippi?
A: Nice tooth!
Q: Why are there so many unsolved murders in Mississippi?
A: There are no dental records and everyone has the same DNA
Q: Why do folks from Mississippi go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?
A: 17 and under are not admitted.
Q: Why did Forrest Gump choose 'Bama over Mississippi?
A: He wanted an academic challenge!
Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Mississippi?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Q: Why did Mississippi raise the minimum drinking age to 25?
A: They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools!
Q: How can you tell if someone in Mississippi is married?
A: The tobacco spit stains are on both sides of his pickup truck.
Q: Why do Mississippi State grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Southern Mississippi campus?
A: A visitor.
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Mississippi State University library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Mississippi's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
Q: What does the average University of Southern Mississippi student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.
Q: How many University of Southern Mississippi freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Q: How do you make University of Mississippi cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
Q: If you have a car containing a Runnin Rebel wide receiver, a Runnin Rebel linebacker, and a Runnin Rebel defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Mississippi?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.
Q: How do you casterate a Mississippi Runnin Rebel fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: Whats the difference between the Mississippi Runnin Rebel and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!
Q: Why do Mississippi students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!
Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Mississippi Runnin Rebel campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.
Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at the University of Mississippi?
A: They cause too much brain damage!
Q: What should you do if you find three University Of Mississippi football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between an Mississippi Runnin Rebel fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Mississippi?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Q. How did the Mississippi State Bulldog die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What is the definition of a Mississippi virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..
Q: What do they call students who go to Mississippi State?
A: Rejects from University of Mississippi!
Q: What does a Mississippi Runnin Rebel fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: What do you call an Mississippi Runnin Rebel in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.
Q: What do Mississippi and Mississippi State students have in common?
A: They both got in to Mississippi State
Q: What's the difference between an Mississippi football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.
Q: Did you hear that Mississippi's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: How many Mississippi Runnin Rebels does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!
Q: What are the best four years of a Mississippi Runnin Rebels life?
A: Third grade
Q: What does a Mississippi native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of Mississippi have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.
Q: What do the University of Mississippi and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!
Q. How do they separate the men from the boys in Mississippi?
A. With a restraining order.
Q. What's the first thing an Mississippi girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.
Q: What do you call an Mississippi Runnin Rebel football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!
Q: What is a Rebels fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Alabama."
Q: Why does a Rebels fan pour his cereal on a plate?
A: He lost his bowls.
Q: How do you stop an Mississippi fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Alabama Crimson!
Q: What did the Mississippi female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!
Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a Rebels fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at Rebels games anymore?
A: The student who knew the recipe graduated
Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in Mississippi?
A: No one would look for them.
Elevator
A country bumpkin family from Mississippi decides to go to the Big Apple for the first Time in their lives; Maw, Paw and their son.
They go into the Empire State Building. As they're walking around they notice the elevator.
Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered.
While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes.
The Mississippi redneck family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up. They continue to watch as the numbers go down again.
The door opens and out walks this tall gorgeous blonde. Legs to her neck. Great figure. Beautiful!
Paw looks at his son and says, "Quick boy, shove yer Maw in there!"
Falling in Love
A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was an LSU Tigers fan and he was an Alabama Crimson Tide fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a LSU Tigers fan.
He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be a LSU Tigers fan."
The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?"
The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO RUNNIN REBELS!"
Sheep Coitus
An Arkansas Razorbacks fan and a Ole Miss fan were driving along when all of a sudden the Arkansas fan slams on the brakes.
There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the Arkansas fan said "We Razorbacks never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.
Then he says to the Ole Miss fan, "Your turn"...
And the Runnin Rebels fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.
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