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Short Minnesota Jokes
Q: Which state has the smallest drinks?
Q: What's the difference between a Southwest Minnesota State University sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A: One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.
Q: What's the only thing that grows in Minneapolis?
A: The swelling from your head from getting jacked!
Q: Why do Minnesota grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the Southwest Minnesota State University campus?
A: A visitor.
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Minnesota State University library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: Why don't Golden Gophers sink in the Great Lakes?
A: Because crap floats...
Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Minnesota's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
Q: What does the average Minnesota State University student get on his SAT?
Q: How many Southwest Minnesota State freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Q: How do you make University of Minnesota cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Minnesota?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Q: If you have a car containing a Gophers wide receiver, a Gophers linebacker, and a Gophers defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Minnesota?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.
Q: How do you casterate an Minnesota Gophers fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: Whats the difference between the Minnesota Gophers and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!
Q: Why do Minnesota students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!
Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Minnesota Gophers campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.
Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at the University of Minnesota?
A: They cause too much brain damage!
Q: What does a Mankato grad call a Gopher grad in 5 years?
I'm not saying Golden Gophers basketball players are dumb, but the coach is dressing six players for this Saturdays game.
The rest will dress themselves.
Q: Why is "The Wave" banned in TCF Bank Stadium?
A: Two Gophers fans drowned last year.
Q: Why did the Minnesota regents decide to cover TCF Bank Stadium in cardboard?
A: Because the Golden Gophers always look better on paper.
Q: What happens when blondes move from Michigan to Minnesota?
A: Both states become smarter!
Q: Why aren't Mavericks cheerleaders allowed to do the splits?
A: They stick to the ground.
Q: Why do all the trees in Wisconsin lean west?
A: Minnesota Sucks
Q: What does a girl from Minnesota do if she's not in bed by 10pm?
A: Go Home.
Q: Why do Gophers basketball players use body heat activated deodorant?
A: Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree".
Q: Why do Mankato Mavericks students have such beautiful noses?
A: They're hand picked.
Q: Why did Minnesota disband its water polo team?
A: All the horses drowned.
Q: What's the difference between a Mankato diploma and toilet paper?
A: About $80,000 per sheet.
Q: What does it say on the back of every Normandale Community College diploma?
A: Will Work For Food.
Q: Why did the Normandale Community College grad cross the road?
A: Better question why is he out of jail?
Q: How does a dumb blonde get into college?
A: She applies to Minnesota State University.
Q: Why should the Minnesota Golden Gophers change their uniforms to Orange?
A: So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.
Q: What's the one thing that keeps Gophers basketball players from graduating?
A: Going to Class.
Q: Why did the Minnesota football team cross the road?
A: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.
Q: How is a St. Paul girl different from a bowling ball?
A: Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.
Q: What do Golden Gopher grads use for Birth Control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How do you break a Mankato grads finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.
Q: How do you get a Golden Gophers fan to laugh all weekend long?
A: Tell him a joke Monday morning.
Q: Why do Mankato Mavericks fans smell so bad?
A: So blind people can hate them too.
Q: Why did Minnesota change their field from grass to artificial turf?
A: To keep the Gophers cheerleaders from grazing the field at halftime.
Q: Did you hear that 9 out of 10 coeds are good looking?
A: The other one goes to Walden University.
Q: Whats the difference between St. Paul and yogurt?
A: Yogurt has an active living culture.
Q: Why do the Minnesota Gophers eat cereal straight from the box?
A: They choke whenever they get near a bowl.
Q: What's the difference between TCF Bank Stadium and a cactus?
A: The cactus has its pricks on the outside.
Q: What separates a good team from a great team?
A: The Wisconsin-Minnesota border.
Q: How do you confuse a Minnesota State student?
A: You can't they were born that way.
Q: How do you get from Madison, WI to St. Paul?
A: Go north until you smell shit and west until you step in it.
Q: What will you never hear a Winona State University grad say?
A: "I have reviewed your application......"
Q: What should you do if you find three University Of Minnesota football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between a Minnesota Gophers fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Minnesota?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Q. How did the Minnesota Gopher die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What is the definition of a Minnesota virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..
Q: What do they call students who go to Minnesota State?
A: Rejects from Minnesota!
Q: What does a Minnesota Gophers fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: What do you call an Minnesota Gopher in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.
Q: What do Minnesota and Minnesota State students have in common?
A: They both got in to Minnesota State!
Q: What's the difference between a Minnesota football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.
Q: Did you hear that Minnesota's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: How many Minnesota Gophers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!
Q: What are the best four years of an Minnesota Gophers life?
A: Third grade
Q: What does a Minnesota native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of Minnesota have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.
Q: What do the University of Minnesota and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!
Q. How do they separate the men from the boys in Minnesota?
A. With a restraining order.
Q. What's the first thing an Gopher girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.
Q: What do you call an Minnesota Gopher football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!
Q: What is a Gophers fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Michigan."
Q: Why does a Gophers fan pour his cereal on a plate?
A: He lost his bowls.
Q: How do you stop an Minnesota fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Maize and Blue!
Q: What did the Minnesota female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!
Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a Gophers fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at Gophers games anymore?
A: The student who knew the recipe graduated
Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in Minnesota?
A: No one would look for them.
Falling in Love
A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was an Iowa Hawkeyes fan and he was a Iowa State Cyclones fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a Hawkeye fan.
He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be an Iowa Hawkeyes fan."
The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?"
The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO GOLDEN GOPHERS!"
A Indiana Hoosiers fan and a Minnesota Golden Gophers fan were driving along when all of a sudden the Indiana fan slams on the brakes.
There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the Indiana fan said "We Hoosiers never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.
Then he says to the Minnesota fan, "Your turn"...
And the Golden Gophers fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.
One Day This Kid And His Mom Were Walking Past A Cemetery When They Past A Grave And the Kid Stopped To Read It.
He Read Aloud "Here Lies A Minnesota Graduate And A Great Man."
The Kid Then Says "Mom I Dont Get It."
The Mom Says "Why Not?"
The Kid Says "Why Are there 2 People Burried here?"
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