Short Mexico Jokes
Q: Why do Mexicans make refried beans?
A: Ever heard of a Mexican doing something right the first time.
Q: Why are Mexicans so offended by Donald Trumps views on immigration?
A: Because they can already see the wall he's going to build from space.
Q: What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?
Q: What do you call a Mexican with a lowered car?
Q: Did you hear about the Mexican train killer?
A: He had locomotives.
Q: Why did the blonde have sex with a Mexican?
A: Her teacher told her she had to do an essay.
Q: Did you hear about the Mexican racist?
A: He joined the que que que.
Q: What do you call a Mexican fighting a priest?
A: Alien vs Predator.
Q: What's the difference between pick and choose?
A: Pick means to select something and choose is what a Mexican wears on his feet.
Q: What do you call 4 Mexicans in quicksand?
A: Cuatro, sink-o.
Project X is still not even close to being as crazy as a Mexican party. Nice try gringos
Q: What do you call a Mexican midget?
A: A paragraph cause he's too short to be an essay.
Q: What do you get when you cross Speedy Gonzales with a country singer?
A: Arriba McEntire.
Q: What do you call two mexicans playing basketball?
A: Juan on Juan.
Q: Why do Mexicans never cross the border in groups of three?
A: Because there is no tres-passing.
Q: Why did the Mexican throw his wife off a cliff?
Q: How does every Mexican joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.
Q: What do you call a bunch of mexican stoners?
A: Baked Beans.
Q: Whats the difference between a smart Mexican and a unicorn?
A: Nothing, they're both fictional characters
Q: What do you get when you mix a Mexican and an octopus?
A: I don't know either, but imagine that thing picking oranges
Q: What do you call a Mexican chick with no legs?
Q: What do you call tall Mexicans?
Q: Why cant Mexicans have a barbeque?
A: The beans keep falling through the grill
Q: What do you get when you cross a Chinese and a Mexican man?
A: A car thief who can't drive!
Q: What do you call an Mexican in the knockout stages of the World Cup?
A: A Referee.
Q: Whats the difference between a Mexican and a deadbeat?
A: About three Coronas.
Q: Why do Minutemen wink and smile everytime they see a Mexican?
A: Cause they pick up the rifle, aim and smile.
Q: What do you get when you cross a Mexican and a German?
A: A Beaner-Schnitzel
Q: What is lazy and owns a lawnmower?
A: A Mexican with a job.
Q: Why were there only 600 Mexicans at the Alamo?
A: They only had two cars.
Q: What happens when a Mexican and an ASIAN make a baby?
A: A car thief who can't actually drive is born.
Q: What do you get when you cross a Mexican and an Iranian?
A: Oil of Ol'e.
Q: Why did God give Mexicans noses?
A: So they'll have something to pick in the winter.
Q: What were the 2 Mexican FireFighting Brother's names?
A: Hose A and Hose B
Q: What kind of cans are there in Mexico?
Q: How do you teach a Mexican to swim?
A: Put fence infront of the pool
Q: What's a Mexicans favorite book store?
Q: Why don't Mexicans play hide and seek?
A: Cause nobody will look for them?
Q: Name the only american holiday a mexican won't celebrate?
A: Labor day!
Q: What do you call a building full of Mexicans?
Q: Why are Mexicans and basketball players a like?
A: They both run jump shoot and steal
Q: What do you call a Mexican girl that will go down on you?
A: Bean Dip.
Q: What do Mexicans and vending machines have in common?
A: They both take your money and don't work.
Q: What do you call a little mexican?
A: a paragraph cause he's not an ese yet
Q: How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: It doesn't matter because they're all to short.
Q: How do you keep Mexicans from stealing?
A: Put everthing on the top shelf.
Q: Whats the difference between St. Patrick's day and Cinco de Mayo?
A: Nobody pretends to be Mexican.
Q: What's a Mexican's favorite sport?
A: Cross country
Q: What do you call a guy thats half Mexican and half Chinese that wears only one sneaker?
A: Juan Chu
Q: Why can't Mexicans be firemen?
A: They can't tell the difference between jose and hose b
Q: Why don't Mexicans cross the border in 3's?
A: Because it says no trespassing
Q: How Do You Starve A Mexican?
A: Put Their Food Stamps In Their Work Boots.
Q: Did you hear about the winner of the mexican beauty contest?
A: Me neither.
Q: What do you call a completely shaven Mexican?
A: A smooth criminal.
Q: How many Mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just Juan
Q: What are the first 3 words in every mexican cookbook?
A: Steal a chicken
Q: How do you stop a mexican from robbing your house?
A: Put up a help-wanted sign
Q: What do you call a Mexican driving a BMW?
A: Grand Theft Auto.
Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in Mexico?
A: He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Q: What do you call a Mexican baby?
A: A beanie baby
Q: What do you call a Mexican without a lawn mower?
Q: Why do Mexicans drive low riders?
A: They are too short to get into any other type of car.
Q: How many Mexicans does it take to change a tire?
A: It depends on how many need to get out of the trunk first.
Q: What do you call a Mexican in a Chinese Restaurant?
A: A Juantan
Q: Why do Mexicans not want their kids to marry African Americans?
A: They are afraid their grandchildren will be too lazy to steal.
Q: Why do you never see a funeral procession in Mexican neighborhoods?
A: There are never enough jumper cables.
Q: Why doesn't Mexico have a Olympic team?
A: Because everyone that can run, jump, and swim is already across the border!
Did u hear about those two mexicans that went to college?
Neither did I
If the ocean was whiskey, and the sand was cocaine, I'd be in Mexico feeling no pain
I'm starting a Mariachi band with four of my Mexican friends. We'll call ourselves "Juan Direction."
Mexicans be like you're the only Juan for me
Mexican and Black jokes are pretty much the same. Once you heard Juan you've heard Jamal.
"I hate tacos" said no Juan ever
there was a taco and some nachos.
the nacho was sad so the taco said wanna taco about it
and the nachos said nacho business
The Mexican goverment has the best social welfare system in the world.
No forms to fill out, open to everyone, cost nothing to run.
Is called the US border.
I was about to smoke weed with a Mexican girl.
Until I asked her if she had papers, she immediately ran off.
This Mexican dude was taking a pee on the side of a building and this Texan sees him. After the Mexican is done the texan bloke asks him, "How come you Mexicans don't wash your hands after you pee?"
The Mexican smiles, "Senior, we Mexicans don't piss in our hands..."
A big tough Mexican man married a good-looking Mexican lady and after the wedding, laid down the following rules:
"Honey, I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want - and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozin, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules! Any comments?"
His lovely new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there'll be sex here at eight o'clock every night - whether you're here or not."
You Know You Are a Mexican When...
You share the same social security number with all your amigos
You smell like BO all the time
You have at least thirty cousins
You can't imagine anyone not liking spicy food
There is at least one member in your family name Maria, Guadalupe, Juan, Jose, or Jesus
You run and hide when you see the border patrol
You see a fence and want to hop over it
You have crooked teeth
You are too short to go on rides in disney land
You have a salsa stain on your shirt from a while ago that won't come off
You fart more than you breath
Your biggest problem is deciding between tacos or burritos
At your service job everyone talks to you as if you don't speak english
You have at least thirty cousins
You have beans and rice with every meal
Instead of saving for your daughters wedding you save money for her quinceñiera.
You don't want Mitt Romney to win because all your cousins will get deported.
Your mowing your own grass, then a car stops to ask you how much you charge
When a song in Spanish is on the radio, and your friends ask you what they are saying
Your house smells like burning tortillas
Everyone sings "Felíz Cumpleaños" instead of the Happy Birthday song on your birthday
Gringos ask you how you roll your R's
you have tons of cousins to beat the hell out of somebody when you need them too
Your parents think your lazy because you take Spanish in high school.
Your parents will beat you with anything they can find. Brooms, shoes, wires, pans, guitars.
Your mouth gets all watery when you smell something spicy
your phone's autocorrect keeps messing up your Spanish texts to your parents.
You watch Border Wars just to re-live those days again.
You hold tequila in one hand, a cross in the other, praying to La Virgen De Guadalupe.
You are in a 5-passenger car with 8 people in it
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.
All your white friends think your cousins are in drug cartels in Mexico.
Once there was a man that came from Mexico to America, He couldnt speak English so he went to choir and learned how to say "Me me me me me me."
Then he went to the store and saw a little girl say "He stole my dolly"
And on his way home he went to get meat from the butcher and learned how to say "Big butcher knife big butcher knife."
Then he went home and watched an air freshener commercial and learned how to say "Plug it in Plug it in."
Then he went to the store and there was a murder the police said "Who killed this man?"
The foreigner said "Me me me me me me me."
The police said "Why did you kill him?"
And the man said "He stole my dolly."
The police man said "What did you kill him with?"
The man said "Big butcher knife big butcher knife."
Then they took him to jail and sentenced him to death.
The police man said "any last words?"
And the foreigner said "Plug it in plug it in."
I was bartending in Vegas and this drunk mexican asks me for a shot of tequila and a beer.
He was hurting so bad with a hangover..he then asks me for another.
I said "You got money?
He told me no, but he is hurting so bad that he will do anything for another round....
I looked at him and told him..if you could use these three colors in a sentence, I'll buy you a round...Green Pink and Yellow.
The drunk mexican looks at me, thinks for a second, and tells me.."I got it senor, I got it...The telephone goes green, green, I pink it up, and I said Yellow?"
I bought him a round....
There was a Britsh man, a Saudi Arabian man, a Texan and a Mexican.
They where all on a plane and it started to shake and the pilot said we have hit bad turbelance some of you is going to have to jump out.
So the Saudi Arabian man said "For the King" and jumped out.
Then the Britsh man said "For the Queen" and he too jumped out.
Then the Texan said "For the Alamo" and kicked the Mexican out of the plane.
Smart Ass Mexican
It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro, the son of a Mexican telecom tycoon, entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?' "
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up.
"Patrick Henry, 1775."
"Very good! Who said "Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth" "?
Again, no response except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863," said Pedro.
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do."
She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans."
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836."
At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."
The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?"
Again, Pedro. "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinski, 1997!"
Now, with almost a mob hysteria, someone said, "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you."
Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."
The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble now!"
Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."