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Short Massachusetts Jokes
Q. What's the difference between a Northeastern University sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.
Q: Why do Northeastern grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the Northeastern University campus?
A: A visitor.
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Boston College library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: Did you hear about the fire in Boston College's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
Q: What does the average Boston College student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.
Q: How many Boston College freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Q: How do you make Boston College cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Massachusetts?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Q: If you have a car containing a BC Eagles wide receiver, a BC Eagles linebacker, and a BC Eagles defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Massachusetts?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.
Q: How do you casterate an BC Eagles fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: Whats the difference between the BC Eagles and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!
Q: Why do Massachusetts students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!
Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the BC Eagles campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.
Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at Boston College?
A: They cause too much brain damage!
Q: What should you do if you find three BC Eagles fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between a BC Eagles fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Massachusetts?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Q. How did the BC Eagle die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What is the definition of a Massachusetts virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..
Q: What do they call students who go to Boston College?
A: Rejects from Harvard!
Q: What does a BC Eagles fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: What do you call an BC Eagle in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.
Q: What do Boston College and UMass students have in common?
A: They both got in to Boston College
Q: What's the difference between an Boston College football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.
Q: Did you hear that Boston College's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: How many BC Eagles does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!
Q: What are the best four years of an BC Eagles life?
A: Third grade
Q: What does a Massachusetts native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from Boston College have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.
Q: What do Boston College and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!
Q. How do they separate the men from the boys in Massachusetts?
A. With a restraining order.
Q. What's the first thing an Boston College girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.
Q: What do you call an Boston College football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!
Q: What is a Boston College fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Notre Dame."
Q: Why does a BC Eagles fan pour his cereal on a plate?
A: He lost his bowls.
Q: How do you stop an BC fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Notre Dame Gold!
Q: What did the Massachusetts female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!
Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a Screaming Eagles fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at BC Eagles games anymore?
A: The student who knew the recipe graduated
Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in Massachusetts?
A: No one would look for them.
Falling in Love
A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was an Clemson Tigers fan and he was a Maryland Terrapins fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a Tigers fan.
He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be an Clemson Tigers fan."
The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?"
The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO SCREAMING EAGLES!"
Sheep Coitus
A Clemson Tigers fan and a Boston College Screaming Eagles fan were driving along when all of a sudden the Clemson fan slams on the brakes.
There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the Clemson fan said "We Tigers never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.
Then he says to the BC fan, "Your turn"...
And the Screaming Eagles fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.
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