Maryland Jokes
Short Maryland Jokes
Q: What's the only thing that grows in Baltimore?
A: The Crime Rate!
Q: What's the only thing that grows in Baltimore?
A: The swelling from your head from getting jacked!
Q. What's the difference between a Townson University sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.
Q: Why do Townson grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: What did Chocolate say to Marshmallow and Graham Cracker?
A: Let's go to Balti-smore.
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the Townson University campus?
A: A visitor.
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Townson University library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Maryland's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
Q: What does the average University of Maryland student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.
Q: Why did Forrest Gump choose 'Bama over Maryland?
A: He wanted an academic challenge!
Q: How many University of Maryland freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Q: What does a Towson Tigers grad call a Terrapins grad in 5 years?
A: Boss!
I'm not saying Maryland basketball players are dumb, but the coach is dressing six players for this Saturdays game.
The rest will dress themselves.
Q: Why is "The Wave" banned in Johnny Unitas Stadium?
A: Two Tigers fans drowned last year.
Q: Why did the Maryland regents decide to cover Byrd Stadium in cardboard?
A: Because Maryland always look better on paper.
Q: What happens when blondes move from Virginia to Maryland?
A: Both states become smarter!
Q: Why aren't Morgan State University cheerleaders allowed to do the splits?
A: They stick to the ground.
Q: Why do all the trees in Pennsylvania lean south?
A: Maryland Sucks
Q: What does a girl from Maryland do if she's not in bed by 10pm?
A: Go Home.
Q: Why do Terrapins basketball players use body heat activated deodorant?
A: Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree".
Q: Why do St Marys College students have such beautiful noses?
A: They're hand picked.
Q: Why did Maryland disband its water polo team?
A: All the horses drowned.
Q: What's the difference between a Morgan State diploma and toilet paper?
A: About $50,000 per sheet.
Q: What does it say on the back of every Towson diploma?
A: Will Work For Food.
Q: Why did the Morgan State grad cross the road?
A: Better question why is he out of jail?
Q: How does a dumb blonde get into college?
A: She applies to Towson.
Q: Why should the Maryland Terrapins change their uniforms to Orange?
A: So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.
Q: What's the one thing that keeps Terrapins basketball players from graduating?
A: Going to Class.
Q: Why did the Maryland Terrapins football team cross the road?
A: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.
Q: How is a Baltimore girl different from a bowling ball?
A: Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.
Q: What do St Marys College grads use for Birth Control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How do you break a St Marys College grads finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.
Q: How do you get a Morgan State fan to laugh all weekend long?
A: Tell him a joke Monday morning.
There is a red house a blue house and a white house. The red house is on the left the blue house is on the right wheres the white house?
IN WASHINGTON DC.
Q: Why do Townson fans smell so bad?
A: So blind people can hate them too.
Q: Why did Maryland change their field from grass to artificial turf?
A: To keep the Terrapins cheerleaders from grazing the field at halftime.
Q: Did you hear that 9 out of 10 coeds are good looking?
A: The other one goes to Morgan State.
Q: Whats the difference between Baltimore and yogurt?
A: Yogurt has an active living culture.
Q: Why do the Maryland Terrapins eat cereal straight from the box?
A: They choke whenever they get near a bowl.
Q: What's the difference between Byrd Stadium and a cactus?
A: The cactus has its pricks on the outside.
Q: What separates a good team from a great team?
A: The Maryland-Pennsylvania border.
Q: How do you confuse a Towson student?
A: You can't they were born that way.
Q: How do you get from Chapel Hill to College Park?
A: Go north until you smell shit and east until you step in it.
Q: What will you never hear a Morgan State grad say?
A: "I have reviewed your application......"
Q: How do you make University of Maryland cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Maryland?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Q: If you have a car containing a Terrapins wide receiver, a Terrapins linebacker, and a Terrapins defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Maryland?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.
Q: How do you casterate an Maryland Terrapins fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: Whats the difference between the Maryland Terrapins and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!
Q: Why do Maryland students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!
Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Maryland Terrapins campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.
Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at the University of Maryland?
A: They cause too much brain damage!
Q: What should you do if you find three University Of Maryland football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between a Maryland Terrapins fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Maryland?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Q. How did the Maryland Terrapins die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: How do you get a man in Maryland to do sit-ups?
A: Put the remote control between his toes..
Q: What do they call students who go to Maryland?
A: Rejects from Georgetown!
Q: What does a Maryland Terrapins fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation.
Q: What do you call an Maryland Terrapin in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.
Q: What do Maryland and Georgetown students have in common?
A: They both got in to Maryland
Q: What's the difference between an Maryland football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.
Q: Did you hear that Maryland's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: How many Maryland Terrapins does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
Q: What are the best four years of an Maryland Terrapins life?
A: Third grade
Q: What does a Maryland native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from Townson University have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.
Q: What do the University of Maryland and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!
Q. How do they separate the men from the boys at the University of Maryland?
A. With a restraining order.
Q. What's the first thing a Maryland Terrapins girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.
Q: What do you call an Maryland Terrapins football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!
Falling in Love
A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was an Duke Blue Devils fan and he was a North Carolina Tarheels fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a Blue Devil fan.
He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be a Blue Devils fan."
The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?"
The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO TERRAPINS!"
Sheep Coitus
A Clemson Tigers fan and a Maryland Terrapins fan were driving along when all of a sudden the Clemson fan slams on the brakes.
There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the Clemson fan said "We Tigers never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.
Then he says to the Maryland fan, "Your turn"...
And the Terrapins fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.
Cemetary
One Day This Kid And His Mom Were Walking Past A Cemetery When They Past A Grave And the Kid Stopped To Read It.
He Read Aloud "Here Lies A Maryland Graduate And A Great Man."
The Kid Then Says "Mom I Dont Get It."
The Mom Says "Why Not?"
The Kid Says "Why Are there 2 People Burried here?"
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