Short Maine Jokes
Q: What is a lions favorite state?
Q: What happened when a Maine fisherman was late to work?
A: She lobster job.
Q. What's the difference between a University of Maine sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.
Q: Why do University Of Maine grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Maine campus?
A: A visitor.
Q: What does a University of Maine grad call a University of New England grad in 5 years?
Q: Why is "The Wave" banned in Alfond Arena?
A: Two Black Bears fans drowned last year.
Q: What does every man want to call Anna Kendrick?
A: Their Maine squeeze.
Q: Why did the Maine regents decide to cover Alfond Arena in cardboard?
A: Because the Black Bears always look better on paper.
Q: What happens when blondes move from New York to Maine?
A: Both states become smarter!
Q: Where do horses get their hair done?
Q: Why are girls from Maine called lobsters?
A: Because they have a lot of meat in their tail.
Q: Why aren't Black Bears cheerleaders allowed to do the splits?
A: They stick to the ground.
Q: Why do all the trees in New Hampshire lean east?
A: Maine Sucks
Q: What does a girl from Maine do if she's not in bed by 10pm?
A: Go Home.
Q: Why do Black Bears hockey players use body heat activated deodorant?
A: Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree".
Q: Why do University of New England students have such beautiful noses?
A: They're hand picked.
Q: Why did the Black Bears disband its water polo team?
A: All the horses drowned.
Q: What's the difference between a Southern Maine Community College diploma and toilet paper?
A: About $30,000 per sheet.
Q: What does it say on the back of every Maine College of Art diploma?
A: Will Work For Food.
Q: Why did the Northern Maine Community College grad cross the road?
A: Better question why is he out of jail?
Q: How does a dumb blonde get into college?
A: She applies to University of Maine.
Q: Why should the Maine Black Bears change their uniforms to Orange?
A: So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.
Q: What's the one thing that keeps Black Bears hockey players from graduating?
A: Going to Class.
Q: Why did the Maine Black Bears hockey team cross the road?
A: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.
Q: How is an Augusta girl different from a bowling ball?
A: Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.
Q: What do University of New England grads use for Birth Control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How do you break a University of New England grads finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.
Q: How do you get a Maine Black Bears fan to laugh all weekend long?
A: Tell him a joke Monday morning.
Q: Why do Maine Black Bears fans smell so bad?
A: So blind people can hate them too.
Q: Did you hear that 9 out of 10 coeds are good looking?
A: The other one goes to University of New England.
Q: Whats the difference between Augusta and yogurt?
A: Yogurt has an active living culture.
Q: What's the difference between Alfond Arena and a cactus?
A: The cactus has its pricks on the outside.
Q: What separates a good hockey team from a great hockey team?
A: The New Hampshire-Maine border.
Q: How do you confuse a Maine student?
A: You can't they were born that way.
Q: How do you get from Durham, NH to Orono, ME?
A: Go east until you smell shit and north until you step in it.
Q: What will you never hear a University of Maine grad say?
A: "I have reviewed your application......"
Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Maine?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Maine library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: What does the average University of Maine student get on his SAT?
Q: How many University of Maine freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Maine?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.
Q: How do you casterate an Maine Black Bear fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: Why do Maine students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!
Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Maine Black Bear campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.
Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at the University of Maine?
A: They cause too much brain damage!
Q: What should you do if you find three University Of Maine basketball fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Maine?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Q. How did the Maine Black Bear die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What is the definition of a Maine virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..
Q: What do they call students who go to Maine?
A: Rejects from Dartmouth!
Q: What do Maine and Dartmouth students have in common?
A: They both got in to University of Maine
Q: How many Maine Black Bears does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
Q: What are the best four years of an U of Maine grads life?
A: Third grade
Q: What does a Maine native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of Maine have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.
Q. How do they separate the men from the boys in Maine?
A. With a restraining order.
Q. What's the first thing an Maine girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.
I never ask someone from Maine for money, because they are all shellfish.
The News reported that a crocodile had been found in Augusta, the locals said they were not surprised because they were expecting a cold snap!
A girl from Augusta caught me cheating, but I let her know she is my Maine squeeze.