Short Kentucky Jokes
Q: Why do all the trees in Tennessee lean north?
A: Kentucky Sucks
Q: What separates a good team from a great team?
A: The Kentucky-Ohio border.
Q: Why don't Cardinals fans play in sandboxes?
A: Because the Wildcats keep covering them up.
Q. What's the difference between a Louisville Cardinals sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.
Q. Why do ducks fly over Kentucky upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!
Q. How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Kentucky?
A. If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.
Q: Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Kentucky burned down?
A: Almost took out the whole trailer park.
Q: What does a Wildcats grad call a Cardinals grad in 5 years?
I'm not saying Kentucky Wildcats basketball players are dumb, but the coach is dressing six players for this Saturdays game.
The rest will dress themselves.
Q: Why is "The Wave" banned in Papa John's Cardinal Stadium?
A: Two Cardinals fans drowned last year.
Q: Why did O. J. Simpson want to move to Kentucky?
A: Everyone has the same DNA.
Q: Why did the Kentucky regents decide to cover Commonwealth Stadium in cardboard?
A: Because the Wildcats always look better on paper.
Q: What happens when blondes move from Tennessee to Kentucky?
A: Both states become smarter!
Q: Why aren't Western Kentucky cheerleaders allowed to do the splits?
A: They stick to the ground.
Q: What does a girl from Kentucky do if she's not in bed by 10pm?
A: Go Home.
Q: Why do Wildcats basketball players use body heat activated deodorant?
A: Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree".
Q: Why do Murray State students have such beautiful noses?
A: They're hand picked.
Q: Why did Murray State disband its water polo team?
A: All the horses drowned.
Q: How does a man from Kentucky hold up his pants?
A: With a bible belt.
Q: What's the difference between a Kentucky State diploma and toilet paper?
A: About $50,000 per sheet.
Q: What does it say on the back of every Kentucky State diploma?
A: Will Work For Food.
Q: Why did the Henderson Community College grad cross the road?
A: Better question why is he out of jail?
Q: Why is there a bridge connecting Indiana and Kentucky?
A: When Indiana beat Kentucky by a buzzerbeater, the UK fans cried from Bloomington to Lexington
Q: How does a dumb blonde get into college?
A: She applies to Kentucky State.
Q: Why should the Louisville Cardinals change their uniforms to Orange?
A: So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.
Q: What's the one thing that keeps Wildcats basketball players from graduating?
A: Going to Class.
Q: Why did the Kentucky Wildcats football team cross the road?
A: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.
Q. What does a Kentucky Wildcat do on Halloween?
A. Pump kin!
Q: How is a Western Kentucky girl different from a bowling ball?
A: Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.
Q: What do Louisville Cardinals grads use for Birth Control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How do you break a Murray State grads finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.
Q: How do you get a Murray State Racers fan to laugh all weekend long?
A: Tell him a joke Monday morning.
Q: Why do Western Kentucky fans smell so bad?
A: So blind people can hate them too.
Q: Why did Kentucky change their field from grass to artificial turf?
A: To keep the Wildcats cheerleaders from grazing the field at halftime.
Q: Did you hear that 9 out of 10 coeds are good looking?
A: The other one goes to Murray State.
Q: Whats the difference between Bowling Green and yogurt?
A: Yogurt has an active living culture.
Q: Why do the Louisville Cardinals eat cereal straight from the box?
A: They choke whenever they get near a bowl.
Q: What's the difference between Papa Johns Cardinal Stadium and a cactus?
A: The cactus has its pricks on the outside.
Q: How do you confuse a Western Kentucky student?
A: You can't they were born that way.
Q: How do you get from Louisville to Lexington?
A: Go east until you smell shit and south until you step in it.
Q: What will you never hear a Western Kentucky grad say?
A: "I have reviewed your application......"
Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Kentucky?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Q: Why are all the trees in Kentucky leaning to the south?
A: Because Tennessee sucks and Ohio blows.
Q: Why are there so many unsolved murders in Kentucky?
A: There are no dental records and everyone has the same DNA
Q: What's the most popular pick up line in Kentucky?
A: Nice tooth!
Q: Why do folks from Kentucky go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?
A: 17 and under are not admitted.
Q: Why did Kentucky raise the minimum drinking age to 25?
A: They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools!
Q: Why did Forrest Gump choose 'Bama over Kentucky?
A: He wanted an academic challenge!
Q: How can you tell if someone in Kentucky is married?
A: The tobacco spit stains are on both sides of his pickup truck.
Q: Why do Murray State grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: What is 20 feet long and has 5 teeth?
A: The funnel cake line at the Kentucky state fair.
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the Murray State University campus?
A: A visitor.
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Murray State University library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Kentucky's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
Q: What does the average Louisville Cardinals student get on his SAT?
Q: How many University of Kentucky freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Q: How do you make University of Kentucky cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
Q: If you have a car containing a Wildcats wide receiver, a Wildcats linebacker, and a Wildcats defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Kentucky?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.
Q: How do you casterate a Louisville Cardinals fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: Whats the difference between the Kentucky Wildcats and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!
Q: What do Kentucky basketball players do when they visit the KFC Yum center?
A: Run around like chickens with their heads cut off.
Q: What do get when you cross Florida and Kentucky?
A: UK fans with big eyes after Gators beat them.
Q: Why do Kentucky students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!
Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Murray State campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.
Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at the University of Kentucky?
A: They cause too much brain damage!
Q: What should you do if you find three University Of Kentucky football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between an Kentucky Wildcats fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Kentucky?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Q. How did the Kentucky Wildcat die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What is the definition of a Kentucky virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..
Q: What do they call students who go to Murray State?
A: Rejects from University of Kentucky!
Q: What does a Kentucky Wildcats fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: What do you call an Kentucky Wildcat in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.
Q: What do Kentucky and Murray State students have in common?
A: They both got in to Murray State
Q: What's the difference between an Kentucky football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.
Q: Did you hear that Kentucky's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: How many Kentucky Wildcats does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
Q: What are the best four years of a Kentucky Wildcats life?
A: Third grade
Q: What does a Kentucky native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of Kentucky have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.
Q: What do the University of Kentucky and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!
Q. How do they separate the men from the boys at Kentucky?
A. With a restraining order.
Q. What's the first thing an Kentucky girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.
Q: What do you call an Kentucky football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!
Q: What is a Wildcats fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Tennessee."
Q: Why does a Wildcat fan pour his cereal on a plate?
A: He lost his bowls.
Q: How do you stop an Kentucky fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Tennessee Orange!
Q: What did the Kentucky female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!
Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a Wildcats fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at Wildcats games anymore?
A: The student who knew the recipe graduated
Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in Kentucky?
A: No one would look for them.
Yo mamma so fat. She doesn't need KFC because she's already bigger than Kentucky.
Kentucky, still the only state where you can get a divorce and still be brother and sister!
A chicken was going to America, his friend was asked where he was going.
He said "I don't know where he is going, but I do know he is not going to Kentucky."
A country bumpkin family from Kentucky decides to go to the Big Apple for the first Time in their lives; Maw, Paw and their son.
They go into the Empire State Building. As they're walking around they notice the elevator.
Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered.
While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes.
The Kentucky redneck family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up. They continue to watch as the numbers go down again.
The door opens and out walks this tall gorgeous blonde. Legs to her neck. Great figure. Beautiful!
Paw looks at his son and says, "Quick boy, shove yer Maw in there!"
Falling in Love
A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was a Tennessee Volunteers fan and he was a Arkansas Razorbacks fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a Volunteers fan.
He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be a Tennessee Volunteers fan."
The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?"
The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO KENTUCKY WILDCATS!"
A Tennessee Volunteers fan and a Kentucky Wildcats fan were driving along when all of a sudden the Tennessee fan slams on the brakes.
There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the Tennessee Volunteers fan said "We Volunteers never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.
Then he says to the Kentucky fan, "Your turn"...
And the Wildcats fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.
One Day This Kid And His Mom Were Walking Past A Cemetery When They Past A Grave And the Kid Stopped To Read It.
He Read Aloud "Here Lies A Louisville Graduate And A Great Man."
The Kid Then Says "Mom I Dont Get It."
The Mom Says "Why Not?"
The Kid Says "Why Are there 2 People Burried here?"
A Kentucky Wildcats fan was in the finals of the state spelling bee.
"Okay, your word is 'farm,'" the moderator said to the Wildcat.
He sat there for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face. "Um... Can I have a definition?"
"Sure," the moderator said. "It is a plot of agricultural land, used for the raising of crops and livestock."
"Uhhh..." The Lexington native sat there for several more minutes, continuing to ask for alternative pronunciations, word origins, etc. The moderator was getting frustrated. Finally the Wildcats fan asked, "Uh, can you use it in a sentence?"
"Old MacDonald had a FARM!" the moderator shouted.
"Oh!" said the Wildcat. "E-I-E-I-O!"