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Kentucky Jokes


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Short Kentucky Jokes

Q: Why did O. J. Simpson want to move to Kentucky?
A: Everyone has the same DNA.

Q. What's the difference between a Louisville Cardinals sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.

Q. What does a Kentucky Wildcat do on Halloween?
A. Pump kin!

Q. Why do ducks fly over Kentucky upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q. How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Kentucky?
A. If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.

Q: Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Kentucky burned down?
A: Almost took out the whole trailer park.

Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Kentucky?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.

Q: Why are all the trees in Kentucky leaning to the south?
A: Because Tennessee sucks and Ohio blows.

Q: Why are there so many unsolved murders in Kentucky?
A: There are no dental records and everyone has the same DNA

Q: What's the most popular pick up line in Kentucky?
A: Nice tooth!

Q: Why do folks from Kentucky go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?
A: 17 and under are not admitted.

Q: Why did Kentucky raise the minimum drinking age to 25?
A: They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools!

Q: Why did Forrest Gump choose 'Bama over Kentucky?
A: He wanted an academic challenge!

Q: How can you tell if someone in Kentucky is married?
A: The tobacco spit stains are on both sides of his pickup truck.

Q: Why do Murray State grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: What is 20 feet long and has 5 teeth?
A: The funnel cake line at the Kentucky state fair.

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the Murray State University campus?
A: A visitor.

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Murray State University library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Kentucky's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q: What does the average Louisville Cardinals student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.

Q: How many University of Kentucky freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.

Q: How do you make University of Kentucky cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Q: If you have a car containing a Wildcats wide receiver, a Wildcats linebacker, and a Wildcats defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Kentucky?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.

Q: How do you casterate a Louisville Cardinals fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: Whats the difference between the Kentucky Wildcats and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!

Q: Why do Kentucky students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!

Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Murray State campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.

Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at the University of Kentucky?
A: They cause too much brain damage!

Q: What should you do if you find three University Of Kentucky football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between an Kentucky Wildcats fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Kentucky?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.

Q. How did the Kentucky Wildcat die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What is the definition of a Kentucky virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..

Q: What do they call students who go to Murray State?
A: Rejects from University of Kentucky!

Q: What does a Kentucky Wildcats fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: What do you call an Kentucky Wildcat in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.

Q: What do Kentucky and Murray State students have in common?
A: They both got in to Murray State

Q: What's the difference between an Kentucky football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.

Q: Did you hear that Kentucky's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: How many Kentucky Wildcats does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!

Q: What are the best four years of a Kentucky Wildcats life?
A: Third grade

Q: What does a Kentucky native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of Kentucky have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.

Q: What do the University of Kentucky and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Q. How do they separate the men from the boys at Kentucky?
A. With a restraining order.

Q. What's the first thing an Kentucky girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.

Q: What do you call an Kentucky football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!

Q: What is a Wildcats fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Tennessee."

Q: Why does a Wildcat fan pour his cereal on a plate?
A: He lost his bowls.

Q: How do you stop an Kentucky fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Tennessee Orange!

Q: What did the Kentucky female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!

Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a Wildcats fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at Wildcats games anymore?
A: The student who knew the recipe graduated

Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in Kentucky?
A: No one would look for them.

Elevator
A country bumpkin family from Kentucky decides to go to the Big Apple for the first Time in their lives; Maw, Paw and their son.

They go into the Empire State Building. As they're walking around they notice the elevator.

Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered.

While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes.

The Kentucky redneck family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up. They continue to watch as the numbers go down again.

The door opens and out walks this tall gorgeous blonde. Legs to her neck. Great figure. Beautiful!

Paw looks at his son and says, "Quick boy, shove yer Maw in there!"

Falling in Love
A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was a Tennessee Volunteers fan and he was a Arkansas Razorbacks fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a Volunteers fan.

He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be a Tennessee Volunteers fan."

The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?"

The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO KENTUCKY WILDCATS!"

Sheep Coitus

A Tennessee Volunteers fan and a Kentucky Wildcats fan were driving along when all of a sudden the Tennessee fan slams on the brakes.

There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the Tennessee Volunteers fan said "We Volunteers never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.

Then he says to the Kentucky fan, "Your turn"...

And the Wildcats fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.

Cemetary
One Day This Kid And His Mom Were Walking Past A Cemetery When They Past A Grave And the Kid Stopped To Read It.

He Read Aloud "Here Lies A Louisville Graduate And A Great Man."

The Kid Then Says "Mom I Dont Get It."

The Mom Says "Why Not?"

The Kid Says "Why Are there 2 People Burried here?"

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