Kansas Jokes

Short Kansas Jokes

Q: What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas, and a hurricane in Florida have in common?
A: Somebody's fixin' to lose them a trailer.

Q. What's the difference between a Wichita State University sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.

Q. How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Kansas?
A. If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.

Q: Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Kansas burned down?
A: Almost took out the whole trailer park.

Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Kansas?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.

Q: What does a Wildcat grad call a Jayhawk grad in 5 years?
A: Boss!

I'm not saying Jayhawk basketball players are dumb, but the coach is dressing six players for this Saturdays game.
The rest will dress themselves.

Q: Why is "The Wave" banned in Bill Snyder Football Stadium Stadium?
A: Two Cyclones fans drowned last year.

Q: Why did the Kansas regents decide to cover Memorial Stadium in cardboard?
A: Because the Jayhawks always look better on paper.

Q: What happens when blondes move from Nebraska to Kansas?
A: Both states become smarter!

Q: Why aren't Wichita State cheerleaders allowed to do the splits?
A: They stick to the ground.

Q: Why do all the trees in Nebraska lean south?
A: Kansas Sucks

Q: What does a girl from Kansas do if she's not in bed by 10pm?
A: Go Home.

Q: Why do Jayhawks basketball players use body heat activated deodorant?
A: Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree".

Q: Why do Kansas State students have such beautiful noses?
A: They're hand picked.

Q: Why did Wichita State disband its water polo team?
A: All the horses drowned.

Q: What's the difference between a Wichita State diploma and toilet paper?
A: About $50,000 per sheet.

Q: What does it say on the back of every Wichita State diploma?
A: Will Work For Food.

Q: Why did the Kansas City Community College grad cross the road?
A: Better question why is he out of jail?

Q: How does a dumb blonde get into college?
A: She applies to Wichita State.

Q: Why should the Kansas State Wildcats change their uniforms to Orange?
A: So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.

Q: What's the one thing that keeps Jayhawks basketball players from graduating?
A: Going to Class.

Q: Why did the Kansas State Wildcats football team cross the road?
A: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.

Q: How is a Wichita State girl different from a bowling ball?
A: Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.

Q: What do Kansas Jayhawks grads use for Birth Control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: How do you break a Kansas State grads finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.

Q: How do you get a Wildcats fan to laugh all weekend long?
A: Tell him a joke Monday morning.

Q: Why do Wichita State fans smell so bad?
A: So blind people can hate them too.

Q: Why did Kansas State change their field from grass to artificial turf?
A: To keep the Wildcats cheerleaders from grazing the field at halftime.

Q: Did you hear that 9 out of 10 coeds are good looking?
A: The other one goes to Wichita State.

Q: Whats the difference between Manhattan, KS and yogurt?
A: Yogurt has an active living culture.

Q: Why do the Kansas Jayhawks eat cereal straight from the box?
A: They choke whenever they get near a bowl.

Q: What's the difference between Memorial Stadium and a cactus?
A: The cactus has its pricks on the outside.

Q: What separates a good team from a great team?
A: The Oklahoma-Kansas border.

Q: How do you confuse a Wichita State student?
A: You can't they were born that way.

Q: How do you get from Norman, OK to Manhattan, KS?
A: Go north until you smell shit and east until you step in it.

Q: What will you never hear a Wichita State grad say?
A: "I have reviewed your application......"

Q: Why did O. J. Simpson want to move to Kansas?
A: Everyone has the same DNA.

Q: What's the most popular pick up line in Kansas?
A: Nice tooth!

Q: Why did Forrest Gump choose 'Bama over University of Kansas?
A: He wanted an academic challenge!

Q: Why do folks from Kansas go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?
A: 17 and under are not admitted.

Q: Why did Kansas raise the minimum drinking age to 25?
A: They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools!

Q: How can you tell if someone in Kansas is married?
A: The tobacco spit stains are on both sides of his pickup truck.

Q: What is 20 feet long and has 5 teeth?
A: The funnel cake line at the Kansas state fair.

Q: Why do Wichita State grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: Why are there so many unsolved murders in Kansas?
A: There are no dental records and everyone has the same DNA

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the Wichita State University campus?
A: A visitor.

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Kansas State University library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Kansas's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q: What does the average Kansas State University student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.

Q: How many Kansas State University freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.

Q: How do you make University of Kansas cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Q: If you have a car containing a Jayhawks wide receiver, a Jayhawks linebacker, and a Jayhawks defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Kansas?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.

Q: How do you casterate an Kansas Jayhawks fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: Whats the difference between the Kansas Jayhawks and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!

Q: Why do Kansas students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!

Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the K State campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.

Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at Kansas State University?
A: They cause too much brain damage!

Q: What should you do if you find three University Of Kansas football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between an Kansas Jayhawks fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Kansas?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.

Q. What does a Kansas State Wildcat do on Halloween?
A. Pump kin!

Q. How did the Kansas Jayhawk die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: How do you get a man in Kansas to do sit-ups?
A: Put the remote control between his toes..

Q: What do they call students who go to Kansas State?
A: Rejects from University of Kansas!

Q: What does a Kansas Jayhawks fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation.

Q: What do you call an Kansas Jayhawk in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.

Q: What do Kansas and Kansas State students have in common?
A: They both got in to Kansas State

Q: What's the difference between an Kansas State football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.

Q: Did you hear that Kansas' football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: How many Kansas Jayhawks does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!

Q: What do you call a college football program that used to be relevant?
A: KSwho?

Q: What are the best four years of an Kansas State Wildcats life?
A: Third grade

Q: What does a Kansas native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from Kansas State University have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.

Q: What do the University of Kansas and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Q. How do they separate the men from the boys in Kansas?
A. With a restraining order.

Q. What's the first thing an Kansas girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.

Q: What do you call an Kansas football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!

Q: What is a Jayhawks fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Oklahoma."

Q: Why does a Jayhawks fan pour his cereal on a plate?
A: He lost his bowls.

Q: How do you stop a Jayhawks fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Oklahoma Red!

Q: What did the Kansas female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!

Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a Jayhawks fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at Jayhawks games anymore?
A: The student who knew the recipe graduated

Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in Kansas?
A: No one would look for them.

Kansas, still the only state where you can get a divorce and still be brother and sister!

A country bumpkin family from Kansas decides to go to the Big Apple for the first Time in their lives; Maw, Paw and their son.

They go into the Empire State Building. As they're walking around they notice the elevator.

Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered.

While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes.

The Kansas redneck family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up. They continue to watch as the numbers go down again.

The door opens and out walks this tall gorgeous blonde. Legs to her neck. Great figure. Beautiful!

Paw looks at his son and says, "Quick boy, shove yer Maw in there!"

Falling in Love
A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was an Oklahoma Sooners fan and he was a Kansas State Wildcats fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a Sooners fan.

He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be an Oklahoma Sooners fan."

The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?"

The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO JAYHAWKS!"

Sheep Coitus

An Oklahoma Sooners fan and a Kansas Jayhawks fan were driving along when all of a sudden the Oklahoma fan slams on the brakes.

There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the Oklahoma fan said "We Sooners never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.

Then he says to the Kansas fan, "Your turn"...

And the Jayhawks fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.

One Day This Kid And His Mom Were Walking Past A Cemetery When They Past A Grave And the Kid Stopped To Read It.

He Read Aloud "Here Lies A Kansas State Graduate And A Great Man."

The Kid Then Says "Mom I Dont Get It."

The Mom Says "Why Not?"

The Kid Says "Why Are there 2 People Burried here?"

Spelling Bee
A KSU fan was in the finals of the state spelling bee.

"Okay, your word is 'farm,'" the moderator said to the Wildcat.

He sat there for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face. "Um... Can I have a definition?"

"Sure," the moderator said. "It is a plot of agricultural land, used for the raising of crops and livestock."

"Uhhh..." The Kansas native sat there for several more minutes, continuing to ask for alternative pronunciations, word origins, etc. The moderator was getting frustrated. Finally the Wildcat fan asked, "Uh, can you use it in a sentence?"

"Old MacDonald had a FARM!" the moderator shouted.

"Oh!" said the Wildcat. "E-I-E-I-O!"

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