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Jamaica Jokes


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What do you get when you cross a Jamaican and a ginger?
A Gingerbreadmon

Why do Jamaican soccer fans suck at geometry?
Because they never have any points.

What does a Jamaican do when his team has won the World Cup?
He turns off the PlayStation.

What's the difference between Jamaicans and mosquitoes?
Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.

Why are Jamaican jokes getting dumb and dumber?
Because Jamaicans have started to make them up themselves.

How does every Jamaican joke start?
By looking over your shoulder.

What do you call a Jamaican with two spliffs?
Double jointed.

What do you call a gay Jamaican guy?
Pokemon.

Whats the difference between a smart Jamaican and a unicorn?
Nothing, they're both fictional characters

Did you hear about the winner of the Jamaican beauty contest?
Me neither.

Why wasn't Jesus born in Jamaica?
He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.

What do you called a doped-up Jamaican?
Tokemon!

Why don't Jamaicans play hide and seek?
Cause nobody will look for them?

What is a Jamaican's favorite dream?
Getting so high he can eat a star.

Who was the most famous Jamaican philosopher?
A-rasta-tle!

What is a Jamaicans idea of a balanced diet?
A joint in each hand!

What is the difference between an elevator and a Jamaican father?
One can raise a child

I used to have a printer that got possessed by Bob Marley. It wouldn't stop jammin'.......

Are you Jamaican? cause you're jamaican me crazy.

You can't go to the Caribbean without taking a Jamaican marijuana tour.

Tourist: "Is it true you Jamaicans answer a question with a question?"
Jamaican: "A who tell yuh dat?"

Knock Knock!
Who's There?
Jamaica.
Jamaica who?
Jamaica her do that, or was it her own decision?

Speak English,
Dress American,
Kiss French,
Eat Italian,
SMOKE JAMAICAN!

Tiefing
A Guyanese and a Jamaican walk into a store, the guyanese tief a chocolate bar and when they left the store he said "yuh see dat?" mi tief three chocolate bars.

"nobody cya tief like me!", and the jamaican said " mek wi go back to the store,me ago show yuh a who a the real tief".

They went in and the jamaican said to the cashier " yuh want to see a magic trick?" the cashier said " sure" "hand me a chocolate bar" he ate it. "hand me another one" he ate that too, " hand me one more" and he ate it.

"Mon, where's the magic?" said the cashier. The jamaican mon said "check the guyanese pockets and yuh find all three a dem"

Bags of Weed
A Jamaican walks into a bank with a 25kg bag of marijuana and hands it over to the cashier...

Shocked, the cashier asks..'What's this for?'

The Rastafarian replies..'Me here to open a joint account'

Child Welfare
A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Kingston, Jamaica courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.
When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. \
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the West Indies Cricket team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

Usain Bolt
Usain Bolt walks into a sperm donor bank in London...
"I'd like to donate some sperm" he says to the receptionist.
"Certainly Sir" replies the receptionist, "have you donated before?".
"Yes" replies Usain "you should have my details on your computer".
"Oh yes, I've found your details" says the receptionist "but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call your girlfriend for you?"
"Why do I need help?" asks Usain . The receptionist replies
"Well, it says on your record that you're a useless wanker...."

Piss
This Jamaican dude was taking a pee on the side of a building in Queens and this American sees him.
After the Jamaican is done the American asks him, "How come you Jamaicans don't wash your hands after you pee?"
The Jamaican smiles, "Mon, we Jamaicans don't piss in our hands..."

Sailing Trip
On a ship an American, an English man, and a Jamaican were sailing. Suddenly the Devil appeared and said, "Drop something in the sea; if I find it I will eat you ... If I can't, then I will be your slave!"

The American dropped a diamond. The Devil quickly found it and ate him.

The English man dropped tiny platinum piece. The Devil found it and ate him too.

Now it's the Jamaican man's turn .... He proceeded to open a bottle of water, and poured it in the sea! His words to the Devil, "Yeah man, find that bloodclaat nuh!!! Yuh tink seh jamaicans a idiot?"

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