Short Indiana Jokes
Q. What's the difference between a Ball State University sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.
Q: What's the only thing that grows in Fort Wayne?
A: The Crime Rate!
Q: What's the only thing that grows in Fort Wayne?
A: The swelling from your head from getting jacked!
Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Indiana?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Q: What does a man from Indiana say in bed?
A: Hoosier Daddy?
Q: Why do Indiana State University grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the Indiana State University campus?
A: A visitor.
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Indiana State University library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Indiana's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
Q: What does the average Indiana State University student get on his SAT?
Q: How many Indiana State freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Q: How do you make University of Notre Dame cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
Q: If you have a car containing a Fighting Irish wide receiver, a Fighting Irish linebacker, and a Fighting Irish defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: What is the definition of safe sex up in Indiana?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.
Q: How do you casterate a Notre Dame Fighting Irish fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: Whats the difference between the Notre Dame Fighting Irish and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!
Q: Why do Indiana students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!
Q: What does a Hooiser grad call a Notre Dame grad in 5 years?
I'm not saying Hoosier basketball players are dumb, but the coach is dressing six players for this Saturdays game.
The rest will dress themselves.
Q: Why is "The Wave" banned in Memorial Stadium?
A: Two Hoosiers fans drowned last year.
Q: Why did the Indiana Hoosiers regents decide to cover Memorial Stadium in cardboard?
A: Because the Wildcats always look better on paper.
Q: What happens when blondes move from Michigan to Indiana?
A: Both states become smarter!
Q: Why aren't Ball State cheerleaders allowed to do the splits?
A: They stick to the ground.
Q: Why do all the trees in Illinois lean east?
A: Indiana Sucks
Q: What does a girl from Indiana do if she's not in bed by 10pm?
A: Go Home.
Q: Why do Hoosiers basketball players use body heat activated deodorant?
A: Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree".
Q: Why do Ball State students have such beautiful noses?
A: They're hand picked.
Q: Why did Ball State disband its water polo team?
A: All the horses drowned.
Q: What's the difference between a Indiana State diploma and toilet paper?
A: About $50,000 per sheet.
Q: What does it say on the back of every Indiana State diploma?
A: Will Work For Food.
Q: Why did the Indiana State grad cross the road?
A: Better question why is he out of jail?
Q: How does a dumb blonde get into college?
A: She applies to Ball State.
Q: Why should the Indiana State Sycamores change their uniforms to Orange?
A: So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.
Q: What's the one thing that keeps Hoosiers basketball players from graduating?
A: Going to Class.
Q: Why did the Indiana Hoosiers football team cross the road?
A: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.
Q: How is a Ball State girl different from a bowling ball?
A: Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.
Q: What do Notre Dame grads use for Birth Control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How do you break a Ball State grads finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.
Q: How do you get a Hoosiers fan to laugh all weekend long?
A: Tell him a joke Monday morning.
Q: Why do Indiana State Sycamores fans smell so bad?
A: So blind people can hate them too.
Q: Why did Indiana change their field from grass to artificial turf?
A: To keep the Hoosiers cheerleaders from grazing the field at halftime.
Q: Did you hear that 9 out of 10 coeds are good looking?
A: The other one goes to Ball State.
Q: Whats the difference between Fort Wayne and yogurt?
A: Yogurt has an active living culture.
Q: Why do the Notre Dame Fighting Irish eat cereal straight from the box?
A: They choke whenever they get near a bowl.
Q: What's the difference between Notre Dame Stadium and a cactus?
A: The cactus has its pricks on the outside.
Q: What separates a good team from a great team?
A: The Indiana-Ohio border.
Q: How do you confuse a Ball State student?
A: You can't they were born that way.
Q: How do you get from Ann Arbor to South Bend?
A: Go south until you smell shit and west until you step in it.
Q: What will you never hear a Ball State grad say?
A: "I have reviewed your application......"
Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Unversity of Indiana campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.
Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at the University of Indiana?
A: They cause too much brain damage!
Q: What should you do if you find three Notre Dame Fighting Irish football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between an Notre Dame Fighting Irish fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Indiana?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Q. How did the Indiana Hoosier die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: How do you get a man in Notre Dame to do sit-ups?
A: Put the remote control between his toes..
Q: What do they call students who go to Indiana?
A: Rejects from Notre Dame!
Q: What does a Notre Dame Fighting Irish fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation.
Q: What do you call a Notre Dame Fighitng Irish player in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.
Q: What do Indiana and Notre Dame students have in common?
A: They both got in to University of Indiana!
Q: What's the difference between an Notre Dame football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.
Q: Did you hear that Indiana's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: How many Indiana Hoosiers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
Q: What are the best four years of an Indiana Hoosiers life?
A: Third grade
Q: What does a Indiana native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of Indiana have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.
Q: What do the Notre Dame Fighting Irish and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!
Q. How do they separate the men from the boys at Notre Dame?
A. With a restraining order.
Q. What's the first thing an Indiana girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.
Q: What do you call an Indiana football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!
Q: What is a Hoosiers fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Michigan."
Q: Why does a Hoosiers fan pour his cereal on a plate?
A: He lost his bowls.
Q: How do you stop an Indiana fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Maize and Blue!
Q: What did the Indiana female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!
Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a Hoosiers fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at Hoosiers games anymore?
A: The student who knew the recipe graduated
Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in Indiana?
A: No one would look for them.
A country bumpkin family from Indiana decides to go to the Big Apple for the first Time in their lives; Maw, Paw and their son.
They go into the Empire State Building. As they're walking around they notice the elevator.
Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered.
While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes.
The Indiana redneck family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up. They continue to watch as the numbers go down again.
The door opens and out walks this tall gorgeous blonde. Legs to her neck. Great figure. Beautiful!
Paw looks at his son and says, "Quick boy, shove yer Maw in there!"
Falling in Love
A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was an Iowa Hawkeyes fan and he was a Iowa State Cyclones fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a Hawkeye fan.
He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be an Iowa Hawkeyes fan."
The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?"
The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO HOOSIERS!"
An Iowa Hawkeye fan and an Indiana Hoosiers fan were driving along when all of a sudden the Iowa fan slams on the brakes.
There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the Iowa fan said "We Hawkeyes never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.
Then he says to the Indiana fan, "Your turn"...
And the Hoosiers fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.
One Day This Kid And His Mom Were Walking Past A Cemetery When They Past A Grave And the Kid Stopped To Read It.
He Read Aloud "Here Lies An Indiana Graduate And A Great Man."
The Kid Then Says "Mom I Dont Get It."
The Mom Says "Why Not?"
The Kid Says "Why Are there 2 People Burried here?"