Short India Jokes
Q: Why did the Hindu cross the road?
A: Because she was protesting for the chicken, MAN!
I watched the Hindu version of How I Met Your Mother...
There's just one episode about the wedding.
Q: What do you call a hot Indian girl?
A: Bomb Bae
Q: How does every Hindu joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.
Q: Whats the difference between a smart Hindu and a unicorn?
A: Nothing, they're both fictional characters
Q: What do you call a chunky girl waiting for the bus?
A: Moti vaiting.
Q: What do you call an Indian dating site?
A: Connect the dots.
Q. What did the potato say when it answered the phone ?
Q: What has four legs and goes Oom, Oom?
A: A cow walking backwards!
Q: What did mutter say to paneer?
A: Tu cheese badi hai mast mast.
Q: Why do vegetarians give good head?
A: Because they are used to eating nuts.
So, I hear reincarnation is making a comeback.
My decision to become a Hindu was a missed steak
Q: Did you hear about the winner of the India beauty contest?
A: Me neither.
Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in India?
A: He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Q: Why can't the bankrupt Hindu complain?
A: He's got no beef.
Q: What do you call Indian flowers?
Q: What do you call a Hindu man that has done everything?
A: Bindair Dundat.
Q. Where do cauliflowers hang out?
A. In the Gobi desert.
This Hindu girl from my school said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore
Q. What kind of sweaters do grapes wear?
Q: What do you call a Hindu man going backwards?
Q: What do you call an Indian that's making love?
Q: What do you call an Indian entertainer?
A: Dan Singh.
Q: What's the best way to keep milk fresh?
A: Leave it in the cow!
Q. What is a vegetables favourite love song?
A. Love me tinda.
Q. What did the flower say to its girl-friend?
A. Why do phools fall in love?
Q. What did the fat car say?
A. I'm a mota car.
Q: What do you call a Indian standing on one leg?
Q. What do shrimps sing on Christmas?
A. Jhinga Bells.
Q: Have you heard of the cow who attained liberation?
A: It was dyslexic and kept on repeating OOOOMMM!
Q: What did the Hindu say to the swiss cheese?
A: "I'm holier than you"
Q: What do you call a Bollywood fish?
A: Salmon Khan.
Q: What do you call an Indian who always looks around?
Q: Why don't Indians play football?
A: Because every time they get a corner they open up a shop.
Q: How does a blonde know she's going to have a Hindu baby?
A: Put a rubiks cube in her pants and wait to see if it gets finished.
Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Hindu wife?
A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
Q: What did the half eaten naan say?
A: I wish I was puri.
Q: What's a single Indian girl called?
A: Meena Hanoman.
Q: What do you call an Indian who has a phone with low battery?
Q: What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry?
A: mega sore arse
Q: How do you blow up a Hindu?
A: You press the red button on their face.
Q. What language do carrots speak?
Q. What do you call a bald poet?
Hindu Mom: Honey, Animals are living breathing things and we can't eat them!
Son: If animals aren't supposed to be eaten, then why are they made out of meat?
Vegetarian is derived from the hindu word for "bad hunter".
One day, tamarind, curry and ice were crossing the road. All of a sudden they heard a gunshot. Then, tamabrindball, curry duck and ice-cream!
I accidentally spilled coffee on a Hindu lady's dress. I told her I was very sari.
How do Hindu women know when a sniper laser is pointing at their heads?
My parents are so Hindu they Honor-killed my sister for getting an A- on a math test!
Did you hear about the guy who overdosed on curry powder, he went into a korma
Yo mama so fat she sweats ghee and shits Gulab Jamun.
Is a rivalry between two Hindus still called a beef?
You mama so fat when she breastfed you ghee came out
When my Hindu girlfriend told me she wanted me to give her a facial, I nearly came on the spot
Dear Hindus, I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
I didn't believe in reincarnation the last time, either.
My karma ran over my dogma....
What are the degrees of egoism in Tamil Nadu?
I, Iyer, Iyengar.
What's the opposite of Gopalakrishnan?
How do they start a road race in Tamil Nadu?
What do you call a really colourful Tamilian?
A Sindhi lawyer?:
A Sindhi lawyer after a case?:
A blue-skier Sindhi?:
What is a communist Sindhi called?
What is a Sindhi who falls from the first floor called?
What is a Sindhi who falls from the 17th. floor called?
What is a Sindhi who falls from the 30th. floor called?
What is the most noteworthy contribution of the Sindhis' to Hindustani Music?
A god fearing Sindhi?
A Sindhi painter?
A Sindhi chef?
A Sindhi electrician?
A fashionable Sindhi?
A Sindhi milkman?
A heroic Sindhi soldier?
A Sindhi pest control contractor?
A Sindhi stripper working in New York?
A Sindhi casanova?
A Sindhi fire-engine?
A Sindhi detergent?
A Sindhi postman?
A forgetful Sindhi?
A fashionable Sindhi?
A fat Sindhi?
Q: Why did the Gujju think the film Gandhi was about a woman?
A: Because Be(h)n Kingsley was in it.
Q: Why won't the gujju jeweller sell anything to the UP ka bhayiya?
A: The bhayiya kept giving gujju a bunch of hair each time the gujju asked for ‘Kesh'
Q: What did the Gujju mean when he said, “Ramesh no dikro States ma gayon” ?
A: Ramesh's son failed in statistics…
Q: Why did Bill Clinton have the gujju beaten?
A: The gujju told Clinton “You are an IMPOTENT man”
Q: What will a Gujju tell a tomato, coming last in a tomato race?
A: Tomato KETCHUP.
Q: Why did the gujju go to Rome?
A: He wanted to listen to POPE music.
Q: Why did the gujju go to London?
A: To see BIG BEHN.
Q: Why was the gujju stacking up 1 cent coins on the day before exams?
A: He wanted to get “cent-per-cent” .
Q: What did the Gujju have in the morning?
A: LIGHT SNAKES for breakfast.
Q: What did the Gujju say to the singing prostitute?
A: You are going from BED To VERSE.
Q: Did you know that Gujarati students are going to start a fraternity?
A: They named it Rho Beta Rho.
Q: Why did the gujjus take 50 paise when they went to watch “GANDHI”?
A: They read Atten( 8 annas)-bourough in the credits.
Q: What is a Gujju picnic koled?
A: A snake in the grass
Q: Why did the Gujju wear a Tuxedo to his vasectomy?
A: If he was going to become impotent, he wanted to look impotent.
Q: Why did the American get scared of the Gujju?
A: Because he said ‘Sue kare chhe.'
Q: Maro dikro Dubai gayo?
A: My son drowned.
Q: What do you call a Bengali who takes bribe?
A: Mr. Goosh.
Q: What did one Bengali voyeur ask another?
Q: What do you call a bong who talks a lot, sometimes without making sense?
An angry Bengali letter?
Chitti-chitti Bong Bong
A talkative Bengali?
An outlawed Bengali?
An enlightened Bengali?
A Bengali who works?
A work of fiction
A stupid Bengali girl?
A Bengali marriage?
A mad Bengali?
A dark Bengali who lives in a cave?
A Bengali mobster?
A perfumed Bengali?
A Bengali goldsmith?
What's bigger than the state of Bengal?
The Bay of Bengal
Why does a Malayalee go to a temple?
Zimply to Bray.
How does a baby mallu cry?
“visa visa visa visa . . .”
Why did the Malayalee buy an air ticket?
To go to DUBAIH ..simbly to meet his UNGLE and AUNDY in GELF.
who was Bruce Lee's best friend in Malayasia?
What did the Mallu scientist do on reaching the moon?
He tested the soil if it was fit to plant tapioca.
Why do Mallus wear Mundu?
Because in the Monsoon flood the mundu can be tucked upwards as the water rises.
What happens when a bakery in Kerala is named after a gerrl called Anu?
Its named ‘Anus Bakery'.
Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?
Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi.
What is the tax on Mallu's income called?
What is Malayali management graduate called?
A Yem Bee Yae.
What is Bruce Lee's favorite weapon?
According to Bruce Lee, which is the Venomous snake?
Place where Bruce Lee stays when he is in Kerala
"A hindu man walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 5000 rupees and walked out with $100.
The following week, he walked in with another 5000 rupees, and was handed $84.
He asked the teller why he got less money that week than the previous week.
The teller said, "Fluctuations."
The hindu man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted, "Fluc you Amelicans, too!"
An American businessman goes to India on a business trip, but he hates Indian food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place around where he can get American food.
The concierge tells him he's in luck; there's a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, and he goes back to his room and orders a pizza.
Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up to the door with the pizza.
The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the delivery man, "What the heck did you put on this pizza?"
The delivery man bows deeply and says, "We put on the pizza what you ordered, pepper only."
One day two accountants, who were best friends, were walking together down the street.
One was a Hindu and constantly berated the other for eating meat!
After stopping for a hot dog, the Hindu erupted "Why do you eat meat?, Do you even know what's in that hot dog? You know, you are what you eat!"
The American replied "I am what I eat, an uncontrollable vicious animal (beating his chest)"
As they stepped off the curb a speeding car came around the corner and ran the Hindu over.
The American called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able.
The injured Hindu was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery.
After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared.
He told the uninjured American, "I have good news, and I have bad news.
The good news is that your friend is going to pull through."
"The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life."
I'm Gonna Jump
In Mumbai, a man is going to jump off the building.
Up rushes good Hindu cop to talk him down.
Cop yells up to the man "Don't jump! Think of your father"
Man replies "Haven't got a father; I'm going to jump."
The copy goes through a list of relatives, mother, brothers, sister, etc. Each time man says "haven't got one; going to jump."
Desperate the cop yells up "Don't jump! Think of Lord Krishna"
Man replies "Who is that?"
Cop yells "Jump, Muslim! You're blocking traffic!"
Once there was a man that came from India to America, He couldnt speak English so he went to choir and learned how to say "Me me me me me me."
Then he went to the store and saw a little girl say "He stole my dolly"
And on his way home he went to get meat from the butcher and learned how to say "Big butcher knife big butcher knife."
Then he went home and watched an air freshener commercial and learned how to say "Plug it in Plug it in."
Then he went to the store and there was a murder the police said "Who killed this man?"
The foreigner said "Me me me me me me me."
The police said "Why did you kill him?"
And the man said "He stole my dolly."
The police man said "What did you kill him with?"
The man said "Big butcher knife big butcher knife."
Then they took him to jail and sentenced him to death.
The police man said "any last words?"
And the foreigner said "Plug it in plug it in."
Bhojali finds himself in dire trouble.His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask Ganesh for help. He goes into the temple and begins to pray.
"Oh Ganesh,please help me,I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, im going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery."
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.Bohjaji goes back to the temple. "Ganesh please let me win the lotto. I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well." Lotto night comes Bholaji still has no luck.Back to the temple he goes. "My Ganesh,why have you forsaken me.? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife children are starving.
I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servent to you.Why wont you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life in order?"
Suddenly there is a binding flash of li ght as the sky parts open and Bholaji is confronted by the voice of God."Bholaji, buy a lottery ticket first.
Rakesh: Ram I did not study for the test
Ram: No problem. Whatever I will say just say the same thing.
Teacher: Ram, tell me who is our Prime Minister?
Ram: Narendra Modi
Teacher: Is there one more Earth?
Ram: Scientists are researching on it.
Teacher: Sham who was the first man to land on the moon?
Rakesh: Narendra Modi
Teacher: Are you mad?
Rakesh: Scientists are researching on it.