Hawaii Jokes


Short Hawaii Jokes

Q: What do you get when you cross a hula hoop and a boxer?
A: Hawaiian Punch.

Q: What's the scariest day on the Hawaiian calendar?
A: Hula-ween.

Q: Did you hear about the Hawaiian geologist who died?
A: Apparently, she fell head over heels in lava.

Q: Did you hear the rumor about Kilauea and Mauna Loa?
A: All they do is make lava.

Q: What do you call a Hawaiian murder mystery?
A: A Hula-Dunnit.

Q. What's the difference between a Maui Community College sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.

Q: What's the only thing that grows in Honolulu?
A: The Crime Rate!

Q: What's the only thing that grows in Honolulu?
A: The swelling from your head from getting jacked!

Q: What do cows wear in Hawaii?
A: Moo- moos

Q: Who is Neil Abercrombie's choice for Lieutenant Governor?
A: Anne Fitch!

Q: Why do Maui Community College grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Hawaii?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Hawaii campus?
A: A tourist!

Q: What happened after Ms Piggy and an unnamed feral pig were married in a lavish ceremony over the weekend?
A: The Swine Flu to Hawaii on flight H1N1

Q: Why did Hawaii football coach Greg McMackin apologize for comparing Notre Dame to homosexuals?
A: He didn't mean to insult homosexuals!

Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Hawaii's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q: What does the average Maui Community College student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.

Q: How many Maui Community College freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a junior course.

Q: Why did someone in Hawaii steal 1,000 pounds in premium coffee beans?
A: Because he wanted to consume it all and find out what it feels like to be Kelly Ripa!

Q: What does a Honolulu CC grad call a University of Hawaii grad in 5 years?
A: Boss!

I'm not saying Rainbow Warriors basketball players are dumb, but the coach is dressing six players for this Saturdays game.
The rest will dress themselves.

Q: Why is "The Wave" banned in Aloha Stadium?
A: Two Rainbow Warriors fans drowned last year.

Q: Why did the Rainbow Warriors regents decide to cover Aloha Stadium in cardboard?
A: Because the Rainbow Warriors always look better on paper.

Q: What happens when blondes move from California to Hawaii?
A: Both states become smarter!

Q: Why aren't Hawaii cheerleaders allowed to do the splits?
A: They stick to the ground.

Q: What is a volcano always trying to get rid of?
A: It's lava handles.

Q: What do two Hawaiian volcanoes like to do?
A: Make lava.

Q: What does a girl from Hawaii do if she's not in bed by 10pm?
A: Go Home.

Q: Why do University of Hawaii basketball players use body heat activated deodorant?
A: Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree".

Q: Why do Honolulu Community College students have such beautiful noses?
A: They're hand picked.

Q: Why did Hawaii disband its water polo team?
A: All the horses drowned.

Q: What's the difference between a Hawaii diploma and toilet paper?
A: About $50,000 per sheet.

Q: What does it say on the back of every Honolulu Community College diploma?
A: Will Work For Food.

Q: Why did the Honolulu Community College grad cross the road?
A: Better question why is he out of jail?

Q: How does a dumb blonde get into college?
A: She applies to Honolulu Community College.

Q: Why should the Hawaii Warriors change their uniforms to Orange?
A: So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.

Q: What's the one thing that keeps Hawaii Rainbow Warriors basketball players from graduating?
A: Going to Class.

Q: Why did the Hawaii football team cross the road?
A: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.

Q: How is a Maui College girl different from a bowling ball?
A: Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.

Q: What do Rainbow Warriors grads use for Birth Control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: How do you break a Honolulu Community College grads finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.

Q: How do you get a Rainbow Warriors fan to laugh all weekend long?
A: Tell him a joke Monday morning.

Q: Why do Hawaii fans smell so bad?
A: So blind people can hate them too.

Q: Why did Hawaii change their field from grass to artificial turf?
A: To keep the Rainbow Warriors cheerleaders from grazing the field at halftime.

Q: Did you hear that 9 out of 10 coeds are good looking?
A: The other one goes to Honolulu Community College.

Q: Whats the difference between Honolulu and yogurt?
A: Yogurt has an active living culture.

Q: Why do the Hawaii Warriors eat cereal straight from the box?
A: They choke whenever they get near a bowl.

Q: What's the difference between Aloha Stadium and a cactus?
A: The cactus has its pricks on the outside.

Q: How do you confuse a Honolulu Community College student?
A: You can't they were born that way.

Q: What will you never hear a Honolulu community college grad say?
A: "I have reviewed your application......"

Q: How do you make University of Hawaii cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Q: If you have a car containing a Warriors receiver, a Warriors linebacker, and a Warriors defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Hawaii?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.

Q: How do you casterate an Hawaii Warriors fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: Whats the difference between the Hawaii Warriors and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!

Q: Why do Hawaii students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!

Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Hawaii Warriors campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.

Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at the University of Hawaii?
A: They cause too much brain damage!

Q: What should you do if you find three University Of Hawaii football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between a Hawaii Warriors fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Hawaii?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.

Q. How did the Hawaiian die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What is the definition of a Hawaiian virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..

Q: What do they call students who go to Maui Community College?
A: Rejects from Hawaii!

Q: What does a Hawaii Warriors fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: What do you call a Hawaiian Warrior in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.

Q: What's the difference between a Hawaii football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.

Q: Did you hear that Hawaii's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: How many Hawaiians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!

Q: What are the best four years of a Hawaiians life?
A: Third grade

Q: Why do lawyers never take their cats to Waikiki Beach?
A: Their cats keep trying to bury them with sand.

Q: What do you buy a friend graduating from University of Hawaii Law School?
A: A lobotomy.

Q: What does a Hawaii native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from Maui Community College have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.

Q: Why did Kilauea volcano destroy homes in Pahoa?
A: Lava is blind.

Q: What do the University of Hawaii and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Q. How do they separate the men from the boys in Hawaii?
A. With a restraining order.

Q: Who goes to the Merrie Monarch Festival?
A: Anybody hula is anybody.

Q. What's the first thing an Hawaiian girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.

Q: What do you call an Hawaii football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!

Mauna Loa hasn't erupted in over 30 years, but I've been told "Lava will find a way."

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Hawaii.
Hawaii who?
I'm fine, how are you?

Cemetary
One Day This Kid And His Mom Were Walking Past A Cemetery When They Past A Grave And the Kid Stopped To Read It.

He Read Aloud "Here Lies An Univerisity of Hawaii Graduate And A Great Man."

The Kid Then Says "Mom I Dont Get It."

The Mom Says "Why Not?"

The Kid Says "Why Are there 2 People Burried here?"

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