Hawaii Jokes


Short Hawaii Jokes

Q: What do you get when you cross a hula hoop and a boxer?
A: Hawaiian Punch.

Q: What's the scariest day on the Hawaiian calendar?
A: Hula-ween.

Q: Did you hear about the Hawaiian geologist who died?
A: Apparently, she fell head over heels in lava.

Q: Did you hear the rumor about Kilauea and Mauna Loa?
A: All they do is make lava.

Q: What do you call a Hawaiian murder mystery?
A: A Hula-Dunnit.

Q. What's the difference between a Maui Community College sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.

Q: What's the only thing that grows in Honolulu?
A: The Crime Rate!

Q: What's the only thing that grows in Honolulu?
A: The swelling from your head from getting jacked!

Q: What do cows wear in Hawaii?
A: Moo- moos

Q: Who is Neil Abercrombie's choice for Lieutenant Governor?
A: Anne Fitch!

Q: Why do Maui Community College grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Hawaii?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Hawaii campus?
A: A tourist!

Q: What happened after Ms Piggy and an unnamed feral pig were married in a lavish ceremony over the weekend?
A: The Swine Flu to Hawaii on flight H1N1

Q: Why did Hawaii football coach Greg McMackin apologize for comparing Notre Dame to homosexuals?
A: He didn't mean to insult homosexuals!

Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Hawaii's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q: What does the average Maui Community College student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.

Q: How many Maui Community College freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a junior course.

Q: Why did someone in Hawaii steal 1,000 pounds in premium coffee beans?
A: Because he wanted to consume it all and find out what it feels like to be Kelly Ripa!

Q: What does a Honolulu CC grad call a University of Hawaii grad in 5 years?
A: Boss!

I'm not saying Rainbow Warriors basketball players are dumb, but the coach is dressing six players for this Saturdays game.
The rest will dress themselves.

Q: Why is "The Wave" banned in Aloha Stadium?
A: Two Rainbow Warriors fans drowned last year.

Q: Why did the Rainbow Warriors regents decide to cover Aloha Stadium in cardboard?
A: Because the Rainbow Warriors always look better on paper.

Q: What happens when blondes move from California to Hawaii?
A: Both states become smarter!

Q: Why aren't Hawaii cheerleaders allowed to do the splits?
A: They stick to the ground.

Q: What is a volcano always trying to get rid of?
A: It's lava handles.

Q: What do two Hawaiian volcanoes like to do?
A: Make lava.

Q: What does a girl from Hawaii do if she's not in bed by 10pm?
A: Go Home.

Q: Why do University of Hawaii basketball players use body heat activated deodorant?
A: Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree".

Q: Why do Honolulu Community College students have such beautiful noses?
A: They're hand picked.

Q: Why did Hawaii disband its water polo team?
A: All the horses drowned.

Q: What's the difference between a Hawaii diploma and toilet paper?
A: About $50,000 per sheet.

Q: What does it say on the back of every Honolulu Community College diploma?
A: Will Work For Food.

Q: Why did the Honolulu Community College grad cross the road?
A: Better question why is he out of jail?

Q: How does a dumb blonde get into college?
A: She applies to Honolulu Community College.

Q: Why should the Hawaii Warriors change their uniforms to Orange?
A: So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.

Q: What's the one thing that keeps Hawaii Rainbow Warriors basketball players from graduating?
A: Going to Class.

Q: Why did the Hawaii football team cross the road?
A: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.

Q: How is a Maui College girl different from a bowling ball?
A: Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.

Q: What do Rainbow Warriors grads use for Birth Control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: How do you break a Honolulu Community College grads finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.

Q: How do you get a Rainbow Warriors fan to laugh all weekend long?
A: Tell him a joke Monday morning.

Q: Why do Hawaii fans smell so bad?
A: So blind people can hate them too.

Q: Why did Hawaii change their field from grass to artificial turf?
A: To keep the Rainbow Warriors cheerleaders from grazing the field at halftime.

Q: Did you hear that 9 out of 10 coeds are good looking?
A: The other one goes to Honolulu Community College.

Q: Whats the difference between Honolulu and yogurt?
A: Yogurt has an active living culture.

Q: Why do the Hawaii Warriors eat cereal straight from the box?
A: They choke whenever they get near a bowl.

Q: What's the difference between Aloha Stadium and a cactus?
A: The cactus has its pricks on the outside.

Q: How do you confuse a Honolulu Community College student?
A: You can't they were born that way.

Q: What will you never hear a Honolulu community college grad say?
A: "I have reviewed your application......"

Q: How do you make University of Hawaii cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Q: If you have a car containing a Warriors receiver, a Warriors linebacker, and a Warriors defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Hawaii?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.

Q: How do you casterate an Hawaii Warriors fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: Whats the difference between the Hawaii Warriors and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!

Q: Why do Hawaii students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!

Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Hawaii Warriors campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.

Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at the University of Hawaii?
A: They cause too much brain damage!

Q: What should you do if you find three University Of Hawaii football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between a Hawaii Warriors fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Hawaii?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.

Q. How did the Hawaiian die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What is the definition of a Hawaiian virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..

Q: What do they call students who go to Maui Community College?
A: Rejects from Hawaii!

Q: What does a Hawaii Warriors fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: What do you call a Hawaiian Warrior in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.

Q: What's the difference between a Hawaii football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.

Q: Did you hear that Hawaii's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: How many Hawaiians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!

Q: What are the best four years of a Hawaiians life?
A: Third grade

Q: Why do lawyers never take their cats to Waikiki Beach?
A: Their cats keep trying to bury them with sand.

Q: What do you buy a friend graduating from University of Hawaii Law School?
A: A lobotomy.

Q: What does a Hawaii native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from Maui Community College have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.

Q: Why did Kilauea volcano destroy homes in Pahoa?
A: Lava is blind.

Q: What do the University of Hawaii and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Q. How do they separate the men from the boys in Hawaii?
A. With a restraining order.

Q: Who goes to the Merrie Monarch Festival?
A: Anybody hula is anybody.

Q. What's the first thing an Hawaiian girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.

Q: What do you call an Hawaii football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!

Mauna Loa hasn't erupted in over 30 years, but I've been told "Lava will find a way."

My favorite part of winter is watching it on TV from Hawaii.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Hawaii.
Hawaii who?
I'm fine, how are you?

Cemetary
One Day This Kid And His Mom Were Walking Past A Cemetery When They Past A Grave And the Kid Stopped To Read It.

He Read Aloud "Here Lies An Univerisity of Hawaii Graduate And A Great Man."

The Kid Then Says "Mom I Dont Get It."

The Mom Says "Why Not?"

The Kid Says "Why Are there 2 People Burried here?"

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