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Short Germany Jokes
Q: How do Germans tie their shoes?
A: With little knotsies (nazi's)
Q: What did Hitler tell the black Jew to do?
A: Get to the back of the oven!
Q: What's the difference between a German and a shopping trolley?
A: A shopping trolley has a mind of its own.
Q: Why are there so many tree lined streets and leafy lanes in France?
A: Germans like to march in the shade.
Q: How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast?
A: They marched in backwards and the Polish thought they were leaving.
Q: How many people fron Dresden can you fit in a Mini Cooper?
A: About 25000 if you've got a shovel.
Q: Heard about the new German-Chinese restaurant?
A: The food is great, but an hour later, you're hungry for power.
Q: How does every German joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.
Q: Have you heard about the new German microwave ?
A: It's got ten seats inside.
Q: What do you call an German in the World Cup final?
A: A Referee.
Q: Why don't Jewish cannibals like eating Germans?
A: They give them gas.
Q: What do you get when you cross a Mexican and a German?
A: A Beaner-Schnitzel
Q: What is the difference between christianity and national socialism?
A: In christianity, one guy died for all the others.
Q: Who is the best Jewish cook?
A: Hitler.
Q: How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin?
A: First, invade ze kitchen.
Q: Whats the difference between a smart German and a unicorn?
A: Nothing, they're both fictional characters
Q: Did you hear about the winner of the German beauty contest?
A: Me neither.
Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in Germany?
A: He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Olympic Stadium
Man walking past the olympic stadium carrying a long case is collarred by a guard.
"Are you a pole-volter?" the guard asks
The man replies "No, I'm German actually; but how did you know my name was Walter"
Driver
Hitler ist unterwegs. Das Auto rast an einem Bauernhof vorbei. Da springt ein Schwein auf die Straße. Der Fahrer kann nicht mehr bremsen. Das Schwein stirbt. Hitler befiehlt seinem Fahrer, zum Hof zu gehen und es dem Bauern zu sagen. Der Fahrer sagt zum Bauern: "Ich bin der Fahrer unseres Führers! Das Schwein ist tot!"
Hitler is on the road. His car races past a Farm. A pig jumps on the road. The chauffeur cannot stop in time. The pig dies. Hitler orders his chauffeur to go to the farm and tell the farmer. The chauffeur sais to the farmer: "I amm ze drriver of ourr Führrerr! Ze svine iz dead!"
Aryan
Wie sieht ein echter Arier aus? Blond wie Hitler, groß wie Goebbels und schlank wie Göring!
How does a real aryan look? As blond as Hitler, as large as Goebbels and as lank as Göring.
Hitler had black hair. Goebbels was rather short and Göring was fat.
My Fuhrer
Hitler unterhält sich auf einem Frontbesuch mit einem einfachen Soldaten. Hitler fragt: "Kamerad, was wünscht Du Dir, wenn Du an vorderster Front im Granathagel stehst?" Der Soldat antwortet: "Dass Sie, mein Führer, neben mir stehen!"
Hitler visits the front and talks to a soldier. Hitler asks: "Pal, when you are in the front line under artillery fire, what do you wish for?" The soldier replies: "That you, my Führer, stand next to me!"
New Jokes
Was gibt's für neue Witze?” - „2 Monate Dachau”
If misunderstood properly, it means "What's the penalty for (telling) new jokes?"
Volkswagen
Wie bekommt man 100 Juden in einen VW? - 2 Vorne, 3 Hinten, 95 im Aschenbecher.
How can you put 100 jews into a VW (Volkswagen)? - 2 at the front seats, 3 at the back seats, 95 in the ashtray.
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