Short Georgia Jokes
Q: What's the only thing that grows in Atlanta?
A: The Crime Rate!
Q: What's the only thing that grows in Atlanta?
A: The swelling from your head from getting jacked!
Q: Why do Georgia State grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Georgia State University library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Georgia?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Q: Why did Forrest Gump choose 'Bama over Georgia?
A: He wanted an academic challenge!
Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Georgia's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
Q: What does the average Georgia Tech student get on his SAT?
Q: How many Georgia State University freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Q: How do you make University of Georgia cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
Q: If you have a car containing a Yellowjackets wide receiver, a Yellowjackets linebacker, and a Yellowjackets defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Georgia?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.
Q: How do you casterate a Georgia Bulldogs fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: Whats the difference between the Georgia Bulldogs and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!
Q: Why do Georgia students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!
Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Mercer campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.
Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at Mercer?
A: They cause too much brain damage!
Q: What does a Georgia grad call a Georgia Tech grad in 5 years?
I'm not saying Bulldogs basketball players are dumb, but the coach is dressing six players for this Saturdays game.
The rest will dress themselves.
Q: Why is "The Wave" banned in Sanford Stadium?
A: Two Bulldogs fans drowned last year.
Q: Why did the Georgia Tech regents decide to cover Historic Grant Field in cardboard?
A: Because the Yellow Jackets always look better on paper.
Q: What happens when blondes move from Florida to Georgia?
A: Both states become smarter!
Q: Why aren't Mercer cheerleaders allowed to do the splits?
A: They stick to the ground.
Q: Why do all the trees in Florida lean north?
A: Georgia Sucks
Q: What does a girl from Georgia do if she's not in bed by 10pm?
A: Go Home.
Q: Why do University of Georgia basketball players use body heat activated deodorant?
A: Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree".
Q: Why do Mercer students have such beautiful noses?
A: They're hand picked.
Q: Why did Mercer disband its water polo team?
A: All the horses drowned.
Q: What's the difference between a Mercer diploma and toilet paper?
A: About $50,000 per sheet.
Q: What does it say on the back of every Mercer diploma?
A: Will Work For Food.
Q: Why did the Georgia Southern grad cross the road?
A: Better question why is he out of jail?
Q: How does a dumb blonde get into college?
A: She applies to Mercer.
Q: Why should Mercer change their uniforms to Orange?
A: So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.
Q: What's the one thing that keeps Georgia Bulldogs basketball players from graduating?
A: Going to Class.
Q: Why did the Georgia Tech football team cross the road?
A: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.
Q: How is a Mercer girl different from a bowling ball?
A: Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.
Q: What do Georgia Tech grads use for Birth Control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How do you break a Mercer grads finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.
Q: How do you get a Mercer fan to laugh all weekend long?
A: Tell him a joke Monday morning.
Q: Why do Georgia Southern fans smell so bad?
A: So blind people can hate them too.
Q: Why did Georgia change their field from grass to artificial turf?
A: To keep the Bulldogs cheerleaders from grazing the field at halftime.
Q: Did you hear that 9 out of 10 coeds are good looking?
A: The other one goes to Mercer.
Q: What do they call students at University of Georgia?
A: Rejects from Georgia Tech.
Q: Whats the difference between Athens, GA and yogurt?
A: Yogurt has an active living culture.
Q: Why do the Georgia Bulldogs eat cereal straight from the box?
A: They choke whenever they get near a bowl.
Q: What's the difference between Sanford Stadium and a cactus?
A: The cactus has its pricks on the outside.
Q: What separates a good team from a great team?
A: The Florida-Georgia border.
Q: How do you confuse a Mercer student?
A: You can't they were born that way.
Q: How do you get from Gainesville to Athens, GA?
A: Go north until you smell shit and west until you step in it.
Q: What will you never hear a Mercer grad say?
A: "I have reviewed your application......"
Q: What should you do if you find three University Of Georgia football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between a Georgia Bulldogs fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Georgia?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Q. How did the Mercer grad die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What is the definition of a Georgia virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..
Q: What does a Georgia Bulldog fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: What do you call a Georgia Tech Yellowjacket in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.
Q: What do Georgia Bulldogs and Georgia Tech students have in common?
A: They both got in to Georgia Tech
Q: What's the difference between an Georgia Tech football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.
Q: Did you hear that Georgia Tech's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: How many Georgia Bulldogs does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
Q: What are the best four years of an Georgia Tech Yellowjackets life?
A: Third grade
Q: What does a Georgia native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from Georgia Tech have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.
Q: What do the University of Georgia and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!
Q. How do they separate the men from the boys in Georgia?
A. With a restraining order.
Q. What's the first thing an U of Georgia girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.
Q: What do you call a Georgia Bulldog football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!
Q: What is a Georgia Tech fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Georgia."
Q: Why does a Georgia Bulldogs fan pour his cereal on a plate?
A: He lost his bowls.
Q: How do you stop an Georgia Tech fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Georgia Red and Black!
Q: What did the Georgia female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!
Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a Bulldogs fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at Yellowjackets games anymore?
A: The student who knew the recipe graduated
Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in Georgia?
A: No one would look for them.
There's an Florida Student, a Georgia Student and a South Carolina Grad that all just broke out of jail. They went to hide out in an old animal wharehouse. The Georgia Student and Florida Student each hid in a box and the South Carolina Grad hid in a bag. The Police walked in and knocked on the Florida guys box and the Florida Students replied MOO! The police said..Oh, it's just a cow.
After knocking on the Georgia Students box the guy replied OINK, OINK! The police said...Oh, it's just a pig.
The police shook the South Carolina Grads bag and the guy said COCKS!
A country bumpkin family from Georgia decides to go to the Big Apple for the first Time in their lives; Maw, Paw and their son.
They go into the Empire State Building. As they're walking around they notice the elevator.
Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered.
While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes.
The Georgia redneck family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up. They continue to watch as the numbers go down again.
The door opens and out walks this tall gorgeous blonde. Legs to her neck. Great figure. Beautiful!
Paw looks at his son and says, "Quick boy, shove yer Maw in there!"
Falling in Love
A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was a South Carolina Gamecocks fan and he was a Florida Gators fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a Gamecocks fan.
He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be a Gamecocks fan."
The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?"
The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO BULLDOGS!"
When a visitor to a small town in Georgia came upon a wild dog attacking a young boy, he quickly grabbed the animal and choked it to sleep with his two hands.
A local journalist saw this happen, congratulated the man and told him he wanted to write a story called, "Valiant Local Man Saves Child by Killing Vicious Animal."
The hero told the journalist that he wasn't from that town.
"Well, then," the journalist said, "the story will be called, 'Georgia Man Saves Child by Killing Dog'."
"Actually," the man said, "I'm from Connecticut."
"In that case," the journalist said in a huff, "the story will be called, 'Yankee Kills Family Pet'."
A South Carolina Gamecocks fan and a Georgia Bulldogs fan were driving along when all of a sudden the South Carolina fan slams on the brakes.
There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the South Carolina fan said "We Gamecocks never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.
Then he says to the Georgia fan, "Your turn"...
And the Bulldogs fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.
One Day This Kid And His Mom Were Walking Past A Cemetery When They Past A Grave And the Kid Stopped To Read It.
He Read Aloud "Here Lies A Georgia Graduate And A Great Man."
The Kid Then Says "Mom I Dont Get It."
The Mom Says "Why Not?"
The Kid Says "Why Are there 2 People Burried here?"