Connecticut Jokes

Short Connecticut Jokes

Q: What are the 2 choices you have when you are in Connecticut?
A: Bowl or get Bored!

Q: Whats the most challenging thing to do in Connecticut?
A: The New York Times crossword puzzle.

Q. What's the difference between a Western Connecticut State University sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.

Q: Why do UConn Huskies keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Connecticut campus?
A: A visitor.

Q: Why did Forrest Gump choose 'Bama over UConn?
A: He wanted an academic challenge!

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Connecticut State University library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Connecticut's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q: What does the average Connecticut State University student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.

Q: How many kids from CT does it take to change the batteries in a remote?
A: None because they need all the batteries for their E-Cigs

Q: How do you make University of Connecticut cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Q: How many Connecticut State University freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.

Q: If you have a car containing a UConn wide receiver, a UConn linebacker, and a UConn defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: What does an Western Connecticut State grad call an UConn grad in 5 years?
A: Boss!

I'm not saying UConn basketball players are dumb, but the coach is dressing six players for this Saturdays game.
The rest will dress themselves.

Q: Why is "The Wave" banned in Rentschler Field?
A: Two UConn fans drowned last year.

Q: Why did the UConn regents decide to cover Rentschler Field in cardboard?
A: Because the Huskies always look better on paper.

Q: What happens when blondes move from New York to Connecticut?
A: Both states become smarter!

Q: Why aren't Connecticut State cheerleaders allowed to do the splits?
A: They stick to the ground.

Q: Why do all the trees in New York lean east?
A: Connecticut Sucks

Q: What does a girl from Western Connecticut State do if she's not in bed by 10pm?
A: Go Home.

Q: Why do UConn basketball players use body heat activated deodorant?
A: Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree".

Q: Why do Southern Connecticut State students have such beautiful noses?
A: They're hand picked.

Q: Why did Central Connecticut State disband its water polo team?
A: All the horses drowned.

Q: What's the difference between a Southern Connecticut State diploma and toilet paper?
A: About $50,000 per sheet.

Q: What does it say on the back of every Central Connecticut State diploma?
A: Will Work For Food.

Q: Why did the Western Connecticut State grad cross the road?
A: Better question why is he out of jail?

Q: How does a dumb blonde get into college?
A: She applies to Southern Connecticut State.

Q: Why should the UConn Huskies change their uniforms to Orange?
A: So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.

Q: What's the one thing that keeps Huskies basketball players from graduating?
A: Going to Class.

Q: Why did the UConn football team cross the road?
A: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.

Q: How is a Central Connecticut State girl different from a bowling ball?
A: Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.

Q: What do UConn grads use for Birth Control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: How do you break a Southern Connecticut State grads finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.

Q: How do you get a Connecticut State fan to laugh all weekend long?
A: Tell him a joke Monday morning.

Q: Why do Western Connecticut State fans smell so bad?
A: So blind people can hate them too.

Q: Why did UConn change their field from grass to artificial turf?
A: To keep the Huskies cheerleaders from grazing the field at halftime.

Q: Did you hear that 9 out of 10 coeds are good looking?
A: The other one goes to Central Connecticut State.

Q: What do they call students at UConn?
A: Rejects from the Ivy League.

Q: Whats the difference between Storrs and yogurt?
A: Yogurt has an active living culture.

Q: Why do the UConn Huskies eat cereal straight from the box?
A: They choke whenever they get near a bowl.

Q: What's the difference between the Rentschler Field and a cactus?
A: The cactus has its pricks on the outside.

Q: What separates a good team from a great team?
A: The Connecticut-New York border.

Q: How do you confuse a Southern Connecticut State student?
A: You can't they were born that way.

Q: How do you get from New York City to Storrs?
A: Go north until you smell shit and east until you step in it.

Q: What will you never hear a Southern Connecticut State grad say?
A: "I have reviewed your application......"

Q: What is the definition of safe sex up in Connecticut?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.

Q: How do you casterate an Connecticut Huskies fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: Whats the difference between the Connecticut Huskies and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!

Q: Why do UConn students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!

Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Connecticut State University campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.

Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at the Connecticut State University?
A: They cause too much brain damage!

Q: What should you do if you find three University Of Connecticut football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between an Connecticut Huskies fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Connecticut?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.

Q. How did the Connecticut State grad die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: How do you get a man in Connecticut to do sit-ups?
A: Put the remote control between his toes..

Q: What to they call students who go to UConn?
A: Rejects from NYU!

Q: What does a Connecticut Huskies fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation.

Q: What do you call a Connecticut Husky in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.

Q: What do Connecticut and NYU students have in common?
A: They both got in to Connecticut!

Q: What's the difference between an University of Connecticut football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.

Q: Did you hear that UConn's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: How many Connecticut Huskies does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!

Q: What are the best four years of a Connecticut State grads life?
A: Third grade

Q: What does a Connecticut native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from Connecticut State University have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.

Q: What do the University of Connecticut and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Q. How do they separate the men from the boys in Connecticut?
A. With a restraining order.

Q. What's the first thing an UConn girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.

Q: What do you call an UConn football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!

Q: What is a UConn fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat West Virginia."

Q: Why does a UConn fan pour their cereal on a plate?
A: He lost his bowls.

Q: How do you stop an UConn fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in West Virginia Gold and Blue!

Q: What did the UConn female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!

Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a UConn fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at UConn games anymore?
A: The student who knew the recipe graduated

Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in Connecticut?
A: No one would look for them.

There once was a bar maid from Yale
Upon her chest tattooed were the prices of ale
And for the sake of the blind
Upon her behind was the same thing in brail

Kiss Me

A guy in Torrington is making out with this chick in the back seat of his car.
All of a sudden she asks him, "Will you kiss me where it stinks?"
So he starts his car up and peals down the road to Waterbury.

Your from Connecticut if

You Know You're From Connecticut When...

You thought that the only highways were I-91 and I-84.
You still don't understand why people say that Connecticut is the richest state.
Your mom works at Travelers and your dad works at Pratt and Whitney.
You have at least 4 friends who drive Jeep Grand Cherokees.
You root for all the New York sports teams.
You've never looked at a public bus schedule.
You think New Haven is the worst ghetto you've ever seen.
When you go to a real city, you sincerely feel bad for every poor / homeless person you see.
You can name all the members of the UCONN men's and women's basketball teams.
You don't think you're a yuppie, but the rest of the country does.
You don't understand why everyone else has not been to Europe.
Your family owns more cars than legal drivers.
School attire is a North Face fleece jacket, a North Face Fleece or L.L. Bean back pack, a plaid shirt, khakis, and Doc Martens.
As a child you took horseback riding, golfing, tennis and swimming lessons.
You went to prep school even though your public schools are awesome.
You've never taken public transportation.
You have at least one friend whose house was built in the 1800's.
Your house would cost half as much in any other state.
Half of your friends are from another town because yours is so small.
At least one of your friends has a sick house right on the water.

Falling in Love
A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was a Syracuse Orangemen fan and he was a UCONN fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a Syracuse fan.

He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be an Syracuse fan."

The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?"

The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO MOUTAINEERS!"

Sheep Coitus

A West Virgina Mountaineers fan and a Connecticut Huskies fan were driving along when all of a sudden the West Virginia fan slams on the brakes.

There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the West Virginia fan said "We Mountaineers never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.

Then he says to the UConn fan, "Your turn"...

And the UConn fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.

One Day This Kid And His Mom Were Walking Past A Cemetery When They Past A Grave And the Kid Stopped To Read It.

He Read Aloud "Here Lies A UConn Graduate And A Great Man."

The Kid Then Says "Mom I Dont Get It."

The Mom Says "Why Not?"

The Kid Says "Why Are there 2 People Burried here?"

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