Back to: Miscellaneous Jokes : World Jokes
Short Connecticut Jokes
Q: What are the 2 choices you have when you are in Connecticut?
A: Bowl or get Bored!
Q: Whats the most challenging thing to do in Connecticut?
A: The New York Times crossword puzzle.
Q. What's the difference between a Western Connecticut State University sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.
Q: Why do UConn Huskies keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Connecticut campus?
A: A visitor.
Q: Why did Forrest Gump choose 'Bama over UConn?
A: He wanted an academic challenge!
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Connecticut State University library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Connecticut's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
Q: What does the average Connecticut State University student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.
Q: How do you make University of Connecticut cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
Q: How many Connecticut State University freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Q: If you have a car containing a UConn wide receiver, a UConn linebacker, and a UConn defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: What is the definition of safe sex up in Connecticut?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.
Q: How do you casterate an Connecticut Huskies fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: Whats the difference between the Connecticut Huskies and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!
Q: Why do UConn students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!
Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Connecticut State University campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.
Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at the Connecticut State University?
A: They cause too much brain damage!
Q: What should you do if you find three University Of Connecticut football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between an Connecticut Huskies fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Connecticut?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Q. How did the Connecticut State grad die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What is the definition of a Connecticut virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..
Q: What to they call students who go to UConn?
A: Rejects from NYU!
Q: What does a Connecticut Huskies fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: What do you call a Connecticut Husky in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.
Q: What do Connecticut and NYU students have in common?
A: They both got in to Connecticut!
Q: What's the difference between an University of Connecticut football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.
Q: Did you hear that UConn's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: How many Connecticut Huskies does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!
Q: What are the best four years of a Connecticut State grads life?
A: Third grade
Q: What does a Connecticut native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from Connecticut State University have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.
Q: What do the University of Connecticut and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!
Q. How do they separate the men from the boys in Connecticut?
A. With a restraining order.
Q. What's the first thing an UConn girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.
Q: What do you call an UConn football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!
Q: What is a UConn fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat West Virginia."
Q: Why does a UConn fan pour their cereal on a plate?
A: He lost his bowls.
Q: How do you stop an UConn fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in West Virginia Gold and Blue!
Q: What did the UConn female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!
Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a UConn fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at UConn games anymore?
A: The student who knew the recipe graduated
Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in Connecticut?
A: No one would look for them.
Kiss Me
A guy in Torrington is making out with this chick in the back seat of his car.
All of a sudden she asks him, "Will you kiss me where it stinks?"
So he starts his car up and peals down the road to Waterbury.
Your from Connecticut if
You Know You're From Connecticut When...
You thought that the only highways were I-91 and I-84.
You still don't understand why people say that Connecticut is the richest state.
Your mom works at Travelers and your dad works at Pratt and Whitney.
You have at least 4 friends who drive Jeep Grand Cherokees.
You root for all the New York sports teams.
You've never looked at a public bus schedule.
You think New Haven is the worst ghetto you've ever seen.
When you go to a real city, you sincerely feel bad for every poor / homeless person you see.
You can name all the members of the UCONN men's and women's basketball teams.
You don't think you're a yuppie, but the rest of the country does.
You don't understand why everyone else has not been to Europe.
Your family owns more cars than legal drivers.
School attire is a North Face fleece jacket, a North Face Fleece or L.L. Bean back pack, a plaid shirt, khakis, and Doc Martens.
As a child you took horseback riding, golfing, tennis and swimming lessons.
You went to prep school even though your public schools are awesome.
You've never taken public transportation.
You have at least one friend whose house was built in the 1800's.
Your house would cost half as much in any other state.
Half of your friends are from another town because yours is so small.
At least one of your friends has a sick house right on the water.
Falling in Love
A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was a Syracuse Orangemen fan and he was a UCONN fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a Syracuse fan.
He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be an Syracuse fan."
The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?"
The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO MOUTAINEERS!"
Sheep Coitus
A West Virgina Mountaineers fan and a Connecticut Huskies fan were driving along when all of a sudden the West Virginia fan slams on the brakes.
There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the West Virginia fan said "We Mountaineers never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.
Then he says to the UConn fan, "Your turn"...
And the UConn fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.
Joke Generators:
Click Here for a random Pick Up Line
Click Here for a random Yo Mama Joke
Click Here for a random Dirty Joke
Click Here for a random Ethnic Joke
Click Here for a random Blonde Joke
Click Here for a random Knock Knock Joke
Click Here for a Random Joke (all other categories)
|
|
Click Here to Bookmark Jokes4us.com 
