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Short Colorado Jokes
Q. What's the difference between a University of Northern Colorado sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.
Mark Udall: "Attacks on my family aside, don't you think it's a little childish not to believe in climate change? Denver has had less snow in the last 10 years than in any other period in recorded history."
Cory Gardner: "Your dad was a loser, your a loser, fill up my taxpayer subsidized SUV I'm "Fracking Cory Gardner"
Mark Udall: "What about a womens right to choose especially after she's been sexually assaulted?"
"Fracking" Cory Gardner: "I have a daughter and even she can't change my mind. Oh yeah any other relative you have thats not a Republican is a loser too."
Q: Why do Northern Colorado alumni keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Colorado campus?
A: A visitor.
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Northern Colorado library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Colorado's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
Q: What does the average University of Northern Colorado student get on his SAT?
Q: What is a Colorado clouds favorite drink?
A: Mountain Dew
Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Colorado?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Q: Why did Forrest Gump choose 'Bama over Colorado?
A: He wanted an academic challenge!
Q: How do you make University of Colorado cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
Q: How many University of Northern Colorado freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Q: If you have a car containing a Colorado Buffaloes wide receiver, a Colorado Buffaloes linebacker, and a Colorado Buffaloes defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: What does an Colorado State grad call an Colorado Buffaloes grad in 5 years?
I'm not saying Colorado State basketball players are dumb, but the coach is dressing six players for this Saturdays game.
The rest will dress themselves.
Q: Why is "The Wave" banned in Sonny Lubick Field?
A: Two CSU fans drowned last year.
Q: Why did the University of Colorado regents decide to cover Folsum Field in cardboard?
A: Because the Buffaloes always look better on paper.
Q: What happens when blondes move from Kansas to Colorado?
A: Both states become smarter!
Q: Why aren't Colorado State cheerleaders allowed to do the splits?
A: They stick to the ground.
Q: Why do all the trees in Utah lean west?
A: Colorado Sucks
Q: What does a girl from Colorado State do if she's not in bed by 10pm?
A: Go Home.
Q: Why do Colorado Buffaloes basketball players use body heat activated deodorant?
A: Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree".
Q: Why do Northern Colorado students have such beautiful noses?
A: They're hand picked.
Q: Why did Northern Colorado disband its water polo team?
A: All the horses drowned.
Q: What's the difference between a Northern Colorado diploma and toilet paper?
A: About $50,000 per sheet.
Q: What does it say on the back of every Northern Colorado diploma?
A: Will Work For Food.
Q: Why did the Pike Peaks Community College grad cross the road?
A: Better question why is he out of jail?
Q: How does a dumb blonde get into college?
A: She applies to Colorado State.
Q: Why should the Colorado State Rams change their uniforms to Orange?
A: So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.
Q: What's the one thing that keeps Buffaloes basketball players from graduating?
A: Going to Class.
Q: Why did the Colorado State football team cross the road?
A: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.
Q: How is a Colorado State girl different from a bowling ball?
A: Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.
Q: What do University of Colorado grads use for Birth Control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How do you break a Northern Colorado grads finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.
Q: How do you get a Colorado State fan to laugh all weekend long?
A: Tell him a joke Monday morning.
Q: Why do Colorado State fans smell so bad?
A: So blind people can hate them too.
Q: Why did Colorado change their field from grass to artificial turf?
A: To keep the Buffaloes cheerleaders from grazing the field at halftime.
Q: Did you hear that 9 out of 10 coeds are good looking?
A: The other one goes to Northern Colorado.
Q: What do they call students at Colorado State?
A: Rejects from Colorado.
Q: Whats the difference between Greeley and yogurt?
A: Yogurt has an active living culture.
Q: Why do the Colorado Buffaloes eat cereal straight from the box?
A: They choke whenever they get near a bowl.
Q: What's the difference between the Folsum Field and a cactus?
A: The cactus has its pricks on the outside.
Q: What separates a good team from a great team?
A: The Colorado-Oklahoma border.
Q: How do you confuse a Northern Colorado student?
A: You can't they were born that way.
Q: How do you get from Norman, Oklahoma to Boulder, CO?
A: Go north until you smell shit and west until you step in it.
Q: What will you never hear a Colorado State grad say?
A: "I have reviewed your application......"
Q: What is the definition of safe sex up in Colorado?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.
Q: How do you casterate an Colorado Buffaloes fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: Whats the difference between the Colorado Buffaloes and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!
Q: Why do Colorado students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!
Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Northern Colorado campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.
Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at the University of Northern Colorado?
A: They cause too much brain damage!
Q: What should you do if you find three Colorado Buffaloes football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between an Colorado Buffaloes fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Colorado?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Q. How did the Colorado Buffaloes die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What is the definition of a Colorado virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..
Q: What to they call students who go to Colorado?
A: Rejects from Utah!
Q: What does a Colorado Buffaloes fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: What do you call a Colorado Buffalo in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.
Q: What do Colorado and Utah students have in common?
A: They both got in to Colorado
Q: What's the difference between an Alabama football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.
Q: Did you hear that Colorado's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: How many Colorado Buffaloes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!
Q: What are the best four years of a Colorado Buffaloes life?
A: Third grade
Q: What does a Colorado native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of Northern Colorado have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.
Q: What do the University of Colorado and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!
Q. How do they separate the men from the boys in Colorado?
A. With a restraining order.
Q. What's the first thing an Colorado girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.
Q: What do you call an University of Colorado football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!
Q: What is a Colorado fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Oklahoma."
Q: Why do Buffaloes fans pour their cereal on a plate?
A: He lost his bowls.
Q: How do you stop a Colorado fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Florida Blue and Orange!
Q: What did the Colorado female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!
Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a Buffaloes fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at Colorado Buffaloes games anymore?
A: The student who knew the recipe graduated
Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in Colorado?
A: No one would look for them.
You might be from Colorado if
You'll eat ice cream in the winter.
When the weather report says it's going to be 65 degrees, you shave your legs and wear a skirt.
It snows 5 inches and you don't expect school to be cancelled.
'Humid' is over 25%.
You've ever stood on solid ground and looked down on an airplane in flight.
Your sense of direction is: Toward the mountains and Away from the mountains.
You say 'the interstate' and everybody knows which one.
You carry your $3,000 mountain bike on top of your $500 car.
You think that May is a totally normal month for a blizzard.
You grew up planning your Halloween costumes around your coat.
Your bridal registry is at REI.
You can run up 10 flights of stairs without huffing and puffing.
You've never seen the tourist attractions in your own city.
North means "mountains to the left;" south is "mountains to the right;" and east and west are where all those damned liberals keep moving in from.
You tell your husband to pick up granola on his way home from work and he stops at the day care.
You know what the Continental Divide is.
You've gone off-roading in a vehicle that was never intended for such activities.
You always know the elevation of where you are.
Every movie theater has military and student discounts.
You actually know that "South Park" is a real place not just a show on TV.
A bear on your front porch doesn't bother you.
Your two favorite teams are the Broncos and whoever is beating the crap out of the Raiders.
When people out East tell you they have mountains in their state too, you just laugh.
Falling in Love
A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was an Oregon Ducks fan and he was a Colorado Buffaloes fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a Ducks fan.
He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be an Oregon Ducks fan."
The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?"
The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO HUSKERS!"
A Washington Huskies fan and a Colorado Buffaloes fan were driving along when all of a sudden the Huskies fan slams on the brakes.
There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the Huskies fan said "We Huskies never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.
Then he says to the Buffaloes fan, "Your turn"...
And the Colorado fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.
One Day This Kid And His Mom Were Walking Past A Cemetery When They Past A Grave And the Kid Stopped To Read It.
He Read Aloud "Here Lies A Colorado State Graduate And A Great Man."
The Kid Then Says "Mom I Dont Get It."
The Mom Says "Why Not?"
The Kid Says "Why Are there 2 People Burried here?"
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