Short China Jokes
Q: Why is there no Disneyland in China?
A: No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.
Q: What do you call a Chinese Billionaire?
A: Cha Ching!
Q: How does every Chinese joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.
Q: Did you hear about the party at the Chinese zoo?
A: It was Panda-monium.
Q: What has 2 wings and a halo?
A: A Chinese telephone, Wing-wing, halo?
Q: What do you call a Chinese rapper?
A: Vanilla Rice
Q: What happens when a Mexican and an China man make a baby?
A: A car thief who can't actually drive is born.
Everything is made in China. Except for babies, they're made in VaChina.
Q: Did you hear about the new American Express Card they are issuing in Red China?
A: You never leave home.
Q: Heard about the new German-Chinese restaurant?
A: The food is great, but an hour later, you're hungry for power.
What did one Chu say to the other Chu?
Is dat Chu bro?
Q: What do you call a surprised Chinese man?
A: Ho Lee Fuk
Q: Why did Mark Zuckerberg visit Beijing?
A: To see the "Great Firewall".
Q: What do you call a Chinese woman with one leg?
Q: What do you call a drive by shooting where a Chinese guy gets shot?
A: CAPPUCINO (CAP-A-CHINO)
Q: What do you call a guy thats half Mexican and half Chinese that wears only one sneaker?
A: Juan Chu
Q: How do you blind an Chinese woman?
A: You put a windshield in front of him.
Q: Did you hear the one about the Chinese Godfather?
A: He makes you an offer you can't understand.
Q: How do you know if an Chinaman robbed your house?
A: Your homework is done, your computer is upgraded, but two hours later the little f**ker is still trying to back out of your driveway.
Q: Did you hear about the look-a-like competition in China?
A: Everybody won.
Q: Why do the Chinese hate American football?
A: They spend 13 hours a day making them.
Q: What country goes to war when you drop a plate?
Q: What do you call a Chinese rapist?
A: Rai Ping Yu
Q: What do you call a Chinese woman with an opinion?
Q: What do you call a Chinese dwarf?
A: Tai Nee.
Q: What do you call a Chinese woman with uneven knickers?
A: Wong ki fong.
Q: What do you call a Chinese woman on fire?
A: Mel Ting.
Q: What do you call a Chinese man with a camera?
A: Phil Ming.
Q: What do you call a Chinese Paralympian?
A: Lim Ping.
Q: What do you call a bunch of Chinamen in a pool?
A: Rice Krispies
Q: Did you hear about the winner of the Chinese beauty contest?
A: Me neither.
Q: What is the most common crime in China?
A: Identity Fraud.
Q: What does a Zombie call Chinese people?
A: Take Out
Q: What time was it when the monster ate the Chinese prime minister?
A: Eight P.M.
Q: What do you call a game show in a Chinese Restaurant?
A: Wheel of Fortune cookies.
Q: What do you call a Chinese protest?
A: a SITUASIAN.
Q: What is Jackie Chans favourite drink?
Q: What do you call a dumb Chinese prostitute?
A: Wun Dum Ho
how high is a chinese man
Im not asking u something im telling you how high is a name of a Chinese man.
Q: How do you know if a Chinese gang robbed your house?
A: All the rice is gone and 3 hours later they're still trying to backup out of the driveway.
Q: Why are there so many girls in a Chinese strip club?
A: Because of all the wangs
Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?
A: They drop a broom out the window and see what Sound it makes. Thats why your name is Ching Chang Chong.
Q: What do you call an Asian receptionist?
A: Tai Ping.
Q: Did you hear about Chinese Jesus?
A: He could "Wok" on Water!.
Q: What do they call a guitar solo in China?
A: Too Ning.
Q: What do you call an Asian that gets on your nerves?
A: Anno Ying.
Q: Why did the woman have a hard time walking?
A: She hooked up with Du Mi Wong.
Q: How many Chinamen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: It doesn't matter because they're all to short.
Q: What do you call a Chinese paralympian?
A: Lim Ping
Q: What did the Chinese father tell his daughter?
A: You allergic to bees.....Good! Get A's or C your way out of my house.
Q: What do you get when you cross a Chinese and a Mexican man?
A: A car thief who can't drive!
Q: What do the Chinese do during erections?
A: They vote.
Q. What do you call a Chinese man with a microwave on his head?
Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in China?
A: He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Q: How do you know if an Chinaman robbed your house?
A: Your homework is done, your computer is upgraded, but two hours later the fucker is still trying to back out of your driveway.
CHINESE PREGNANCY TEST: Put an unsolved Rubik's cube into her vagina. If it comes out solved, she is pregnant.
If you spin a Chinese man around would he become disoriented?
Everything is made in China... Except for baby girls
My parents are so Chinese they Honor-killed my sister for getting an A- on a math test!
Every thing is made in china expect kids their made in vuchina (vagina)
If Japanese Pop is Jpop then what is Chinese rap? CRAP?
There was this couple who moved into a house and then said it was haunted, when scientist checked it out they proved they wee leing
Apparently animals make different sounds according to different Languages. For example, in China a Dog makes a Sizzling noise.
Scientist say the average size of the male penis has gone down to 5 inches. This just shows how big the Chinese population is getting.
I wonder if the Chinese put their smileys like this ¶)
Chinese worker: "Me not come to work, me sick."
Boss: "When I'm sick I have sex with my wife, try it."
Chinese calls back: "It worked. Me better. You got nice house!"
China & Japan!
China & Japan who?
I'm China to get into Japanties.
Chinese guy: I'm chinese
American girl: No your not
Chinese guy: Yes I am.
american girl: Proove it
Chinese guy: How?
American girl: Pull down your pants.
An airplane takes off from the airport. The captain is Jewish and the first officer is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and it's obvious by the silence that they don't get along. After thirty minutes, the Jewish Captain speaks, "I don't like Chinese."
The First Officer replies, " Ooooh, no like Chinese? Why ees that?"
The Captain says, "You bombed Pearl Harbor. That's why I don't like Chinese."
The F.O. says, "Nooooo, noooo... Chinese not bomb Pearl Harbah. That Japanese, not Chinese."
And the Captain answers, "Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese... it doesn't matter, they're all alike." Another thirty minutes of silence.
Finally the F.O. says, "No like Jew." The Captain replies, "Why not? Why don't you like Jews?"
F.O. says, "Jews sink Titanic."
The Captain tries to correct him, "No, no. The Jews didn't sink the Titanic. It was an iceberg."
The F.O. replies," Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg, no mattah. All same."
There lived in the State of Qi a man who had a very bad memory. While walking, he would forget to stop; while sleeping, he would forget to rise. His wife was very much worried about this and said to him one day: "I've heard that Master Ai is a very learned man with a glib tongue. He can even bring the dying back to life. Why don't you go and consult him?"
"Good idea!" the man agreed.
So he set out on horseback, bow and arrow in hand. Before he had covered a distance of 30 li he felt a call of nature. He dismounted and, after sticking the arrow into the ground and tying the horse to a tree, crouched down to relieve himself. This done, he stood up and looking to the left caught sight of the arrow.
"Wow!" he cried. " What a narrow escape! I wonder where that stray arrow came from. It nearly hit me."
Then, looking to the right, he saw the horse.
"Well, well!" he said with joy. " Though I've been badly frightened, I'm now rewarded with this windfall of a horse."
Seizing the bridle of the horse, he was about to turn round when he inadvertently stepped on his own excrement. Stamping his foot, he cried: " Damn! This pile of dog's dung has soiled my shoe. What a pity!"
Whipping his horse, he galloped off in the wrong direction. Not long afterwards, he arrived home. Pacing up and down in front of his own house, he muttered to himself: "Whose house is this? Can this be the residence of Master Ai?"
At this moment, his wife saw him. Guessing that his memory must have taken leave of him again, she let loose a torrent of abuse. Very much upset, the man complained: "I've never seen you before in my life. Why hurl insults at me like that, lady?"
Hong Kong Dong
A man goes to his doctor and complains that his penis is developing a bend in the middle.
So the doctor ran a series of tests, and had the man return to his office to report the results.
"Have you been in the Far East recently, within the last year or so?"
"Why, yes," replied the man.
"And did you have sex while over there?"
The man looked worried. "Well, yes, once or twice."
The doctor's face got a grave expression on it. "That's what I was afraid of. You have a new disease that's just starting to spread in this country. It's called 'Hong Kong Dong.'"
The man gulped. "What do you do for it? Is there a cure?"
"Well, sort of. You see, there is no way to cure the disease, but you must have an operation."
"An operation? What kind of operation?"
"We cut off your penis."
"Wow! Do you mind if I get a second opinion?"
The doctor replied, "Of course not. In something of such a serious nature as this, I think you should get a second and a third opinion!"
The man consulted a urologist who told him essentially the same story, diagnosis, prognosis, and recommended treatment.
He was understandably upset, so he asked the second doctor to recommend another doctor for his third opinion. The urologist suggested that, since this disease originated in the Far East that he travel there, as the Asian doctors might know more about it.
Mr. Unlucky promptly booked passage on an airline for Hong Kong, where he received an immediate consultation with that Crown Colony's most eminent physician.
After a series of tests, he awaited the verdict. The doctor entered the examining room.
"Well, is it Hong Kong Dong?" he inquired, unable to wait.
"And is it really incurable?"
"Yes, there is no known cure."
The man's face crumpled as he fought back tears. "And am I going to have an operation? Will they have to cut off my penis?"
At that the man was astonished to see the doctor break into laughter.
"What's so funny, Doc? You mean I don't have to have surgery?"
As the doctor regained control of himself, he managed to choke out, "Oh, those American doctors! Cut, clamp, sew! Surgery, surgery, all they can think of is surgery!"
"I don't have to have my penis cut off?" The man was overjoyed.
"Of course not! Just wait a couple more weeks, and it'll fall off by itself!"
The government of China announced today, that they would be removing all telephones from their country. After 6 months of hard lobbying, the organization for Independent Speech has convinced Chinese politicians to take this action.
They argued that there are too many Wings and Wongs and that many people are becoming annoyed when others Wing the Wong number.
Two Chinese exchange students arrive at the university cafeteria for lunch and ask what was available for lunch and were told there were pizza, hamburgers, hot dogs and fries.
They each order a hot dog and sit down at a table to eat.
After one unwraps the tin foil off his hot dog he looks at the hot dog and asks the other
"So what part of the dog did you get?"
"A Chinese man walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 2100 yuan and walked out with $300.
The following week, he walked in with another 2100 yuan, and was handed $276.
He asked the teller why he got less money that week than the previous week.
The teller said, "Fluctuations."
The Chinese man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted, "Fluc you Amelicans, too!"
An American businessman goes to China on a business trip, but he hates Chinese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place around where he can get American food.
The concierge tells him he's in luck; there's a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, and he goes back to his room and orders a pizza.
Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up to the door with the pizza.
The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the delivery man, "What the heck did you put on this pizza?"
The delivery man bows deeply and says, "We put on the pizza what you ordered, pepper only."
An American man was sitting in his favorite restaurant when a Chinese bloke said to him, "I am sick of seeing your big round eyes."
The American replied, "Put on a blind fold."
The Chinese man asked, "Where do I get one?
The American then said, "Here take my shoe lace."
A drunken Jew goes across the bar and breaks the chinaman's nose.
The chinaman asks "What was that for?"
The jew responds "That was for Pearl Harbor!"
"Pearl Harbor," responds the Chinaman "that wasn't Chinese that was Japanese!"
The jew retorts "Chinese, Japanese, Korean, your all the same to me."
Later the Chinaman busts the Jew in the mouth.
The Jew asks why,the response is "for the Titanic"
Jew replies "Titanic, that was an iceberg"
Chinaman retorts "Iceberg, greenberg 'goldberg......"
There was an american man who lived in China and when he was there he had a lot of sex and never used a condom the entire time he was there.
Then he returned to America and one morning he woke up and noticed bright green and purple dots on his penis.the man freaked out.
He went to the doctor.
The doctor said "I have never seen anything like this before. We will need to run some tests."
So they ran some tests and he said come back in 3 days for your test results.
The man came back in 3 days and the doctor said "I have some bad news.you have a disease called pongolion HP. It is very uncommon here and we now little about it. I'm sorry sir but we will need to amputate your penis."
The man was horrified.
He went to a Chinese doctor thinking he would know more about it.
The doctor said "oh yes, pongolion HP, very ware. yes" said the Chinese Doctor.
The american doctor wants to amputate my penis.
"Stupid a american doctah, make more money that way, no need amputate."
"Oh thank god" said the man.
"Yes,wait 2 weeks, fall off by itself."
There was three guys walking down a hill a black guy, a Mexican guy, and a Chinese guy.
Then they got kidnapped by a crazy gay guy.
He said, "If all three of your dicks add up to 12 inches your lives will be spared."
The black guy pulls down his pants and he measured 6 inches,
the mexican measured 4 inches
and the the asian measured 2 inches.
Their lives got spared.
Walking down that same hill the black guy said, "You are lucky im black"
The mexican said, "You are lucky im Mexican"
Then the Chinaman said, "You are soooo lucky I had a boner".
So I texted my friend the other day, and I asked her "What's up?"
And she says "I'm going to watch poor innocent hamsters be grilled and fried, then decapitated, and served in inconspicuous boxes to the unsuspecting public."
And I said "Oh, so you got a job at a Chinese food place. Nice."
Ching chong china man milked a cow,
Ching chong china man didn't know how,
Ching chong china man pulled the wrong tit,
Ching chong china man got covered in shit.
A Chinese guy has problems with his eyes so he goes to an eye doctor.
The optometrist tests him and says "I know what the problem is you have a cateract."
The Chinese guy says "I don't have cateract I have rinconcontinantal."
Family of 5
A Chinese family of 5, named Chu, Bu, Hu, Su and Fu decided to immigrate to the United States.
In order to get a visa, they have to Americanize their names.
Chu became Chuck.
Bu became Buck.
Hu became Huck.
Su and Fu decided to stay in China!
A Chinese teachers assistant was teaching some college students, His thick accent affected his "Th" sound.
"What is one turd plus one turd?" He asked, Trying to say "Third".
"A pile of shit!" Replied a student.
A young man was wandering, lost, in a forest when he came upon a small house. Knocking on the door he was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, gray beard. "Iím lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"
"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."
"OK," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house. Before dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man as she couldnít keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old manís warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldnít hear and, near dawn, he crept back to his room, exhausted but happy.
He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, thatís pretty crappy," he thought. "If thatís the best the old man can do then I donít have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the line that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."