Brazil Jokes
Short Brazil Jokes
How many South Americans does it take to change a light bulb?
A Brazillon.
What do you call a Brazilian with a rubber toe?
Roberto!
What do you call a Brazilian with a lowered car?
Carlos!
Did you hear about the Brazilian train killer?
He had loucomotives.
What do the Brazilian call "The Bachelorette"?
Pico de Gallo.
Did you hear about the Brazilian racist?
He joined the que que que.
What does a Brazilian do after winning the World Cup?
Turns off his Playstation.
What is the cookie capitol of Brazil?
Oreo di Janiero.
What's the difference between pick and choose?
Pick means to select something and choose is what a Brazilian wears on his feet.
What do you call two Brazilian playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
Why did the Brazilian sign up for Tinder?
For a Juan night stand.
How many goals did Germany score in the knockout round?
A Brazillon.
How does every Brazilian joke start?
By looking over your shoulder.
Why couldn't the Brazilian go bow hunting?
Because he didn't haberno.
Whats the difference between a smart Brazilian and a unicorn?
Nothing, they're both fictional characters
What do you call a Brazilian jedi apprentice?
Pada Juan.
What do you call Brazilian food that slowly moves?
Inch-iladas.
What do you call two Brazilian FireFighting brothers?
Hose A and Hose B
What do you call a guy thats half Brazilian and half Chinese that wears only one sneaker?
Juan Chu
What did the Brazilian say when he had the best time of his life?
Taco about a good time.
Why can't Brazilian be firemen?
They can't tell the difference between jose and hose b
What are the first 3 words in every Brazilian cookbook?
Steal a chicken
Why wasn't Jesus born in Brazil?
He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
What do you call a Brazilian with no car?
Joaquin!
What do you call a Brazilian Jedi?
Obi Juan Kenobi.
My Latino friend was angry I made a Mariachi joke, so I said "Lets taco bout it."
Brazilians be like you're the only Juan for me.
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian...."
The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"
Brazilian Wedding
A big tough Brazilian man married a good-looking Brazilian lady and after the wedding, laid down the following rules:
"Honey, I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want - and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozin, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules! Any comments?"
His lovely new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there'll be sex here at eight o'clock every night - whether you're here or not."
The Foreigner
Once there was a man that came from Brazil to America, He couldnt speak English so he went to choir and learned how to say "Me me me me me me."
Then he went to the store and saw a little girl say "He stole my dolly"
And on his way home he went to get meat from the butcher and learned how to say "Big butcher knife big butcher knife."
Then he went home and watched an air freshener commercial and learned how to say "Plug it in Plug it in."
Then he went to the store and there was a murder the police said "Who killed this man?"
The foreigner said "Me me me me me me me."
The police said "Why did you kill him?"
And the man said "He stole my dolly."
The police man said "What did you kill him with?"
The man said "Big butcher knife big butcher knife."
Then they took him to jail and sentenced him to death.
The police man said "any last words?"
And the foreigner said "Plug it in plug it in."
Smart Ass Brazilian
It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro, the son of Brazilian beer baron Jorge Paulo Lemann, entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?' "
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up.
"Patrick Henry, 1775."
"Very good! Who said "Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth" "?
Again, no response except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863," said Pedro.
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do."
At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."
The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?"
Again, Pedro. "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinski, 1997!"
Now, with almost a mob hysteria, someone said, "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you."
Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."
The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble now!"
Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."