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Arkansas Jokes


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Short Arkansas Jokes

Q: What do a divorce in Arkansas, a tornado in Kansas, and a hurricane in Florida have in common?
A: Somebody's fixin' to lose them a trailer.

Q: Why do folks in Arkansas go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?
A: 'Cuz 17 and under not admitted.

Q. What do Razorbacks do on Halloween?
A. Pump kin!

Q: What do you get when you have 32 Arkansasians in the same room?
A: A full set of teeth.

Q: Why did O. J. Simpson want to move to Arkansas?
A: Everyone has the same DNA.

Q: What's the most popular pick up line in Arkansas?
A: Nice tooth!

Q: Why do folks from Arkansas go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?
A: 17 and under are not admitted.

Q: Why did Forrest Gump choose 'Bama over Arkansas?
A: He wanted an academic challenge!

Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Arkansas?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.

Q: What is 20 feet long and has 5 teeth?
A: The funnel cake line at the Arkansas state fair.

Q: Why did Arkansas raise the minimum drinking age to 25?
A: They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools!

Q: How can you tell if someone in Arkansas is married?
A: The tobacco spit stains are on both sides of his pickup truck.

Q: Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Arkansas burned down?
A: Almost took out the whole trailer park.

Q: What's the best thing to ever come out of Arkansas?
A: I-40.

Q: Why are there so many unsolved murders in Arkansas?
A: There are no dental records and everyone has the same DNA

Q. Why do ducks fly over Arkansas upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q. How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Arkansas?
A. If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.

Q: Why do Arkansas Razorback grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Arkansas campus?
A: A visitor.

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Arkansas State University library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Arkansas's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q: What does the average Arkansas State University student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.

Q: How do you make University of Arkansas cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Q: How many Arkansas State University freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.

Q: If you have a car containing a Razorback wide receiver, a Razorback linebacker, and a Razorback defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Arkansas?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.

Q: How do you casterate an Arkansas Razorback fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: Whats the difference between the Arkansas Razorbacks and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!

Q: Why do Arkansas students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!

Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Razorback campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.

Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at the University of Arkansas?
A: They cause too much brain damage!

Q: What should you do if you find three University Of Arkansas football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between an Arkansas Razorback fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Arkansas?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.

Q. How did the Arkansas Razorback die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What is the definition of a Arkansas virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..

Q: What to they call students who go to Arkansas?
A: Rejects from Alabama!

Q: What does a Razorback fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: What do you call an Arkansas Razorback in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.

Q: What do Arkansas and Alabama students have in common?
A: They both got in to Arkansas

Q: What's the difference between an Arkansas football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.

Q: Did you hear that Arkansas's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: How many Arkansas Razorbacks does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!

Q: What are the best four years of an Arkansas State grads life?
A: Third grade

Q: What does a Arkansas native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of Arkansas have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.

Q: What do the University of Arkansas and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Q. How do they separate the men from the boys in Arkansas?
A. With a restraining order.

Q. What's the first thing a Razorback girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.

Q: What do you call an Arkansas football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!

Q: What is an Arkansas fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Florida."

Q: Why do Razorback fans pour their cereal on a plate?
A: He lost his bowls.

Q: How do you stop an Arkansas fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Florida Blue and Orange!

Q: What did the Arkansas female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!

Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a Razorbacks fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at Razorbacks games anymore?
A: The student who knew the recipe graduated

Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in Arkansas?
A: No one would look for them.

Elevator
A country bumpkin family from Arkansas decides to go to the Big Apple for the first Time in their lives; Maw, Paw and their son.

They go into the Empire State Building. As they're walking around they notice the elevator.

Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered.

While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes.

The Arkansas redneck family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up. They continue to watch as the numbers go down again.

The door opens and out walks this tall gorgeous blonde. Legs to her neck. Great figure. Beautiful!

Paw looks at his son and says, "Quick boy, shove yer Maw in there!"

Falling in Love
A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was an Alabama Crimson Tide fan and he was an Arkansas Razorbacks fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a Crimson Tide fan.

He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be a Crimson Tide fan."

The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?"

The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO GATORS!"

Sheep Coitus

An Arkansas Razorbacks fan and a Florida Gators fan were driving along when all of a sudden the Razorbacks fan slams on the brakes.

There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the Razorbacks fan said "We Razorbacks never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.

Then he says to the Gators fan, "Your turn"...

And the Gators fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.

Cemetary
One Day This Kid And His Mom Were Walking Past A Cemetery When They Past A Grave And the Kid Stopped To Read It.

He Read Aloud "Here Lies An Arkansas Graduate And A Great Man."

The Kid Then Says "Mom I Dont Get It."

The Mom Says "Why Not?"

The Kid Says "Why Are there 2 People Burried here?"

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