Short Arkansas Jokes
Q: What do a divorce in Arkansas, a tornado in Kansas, and a hurricane in Florida have in common?
A: Somebody's fixin' to lose them a trailer.
Q: Why do folks in Arkansas go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?
A: 'Cuz 17 and under not admitted.
Q: What did Tennes-See?
A: The same thing Arkan-saw.
Q. What do Razorbacks do on Halloween?
A. Pump kin!
Q: What do you get when you have 32 Arkansasians in the same room?
A: A full set of teeth.
Q: Which state has the most pirates?
Q: Why did O. J. Simpson want to move to Arkansas?
A: Everyone has the same DNA.
Q: What's the most popular pick up line in Arkansas?
A: Nice tooth!
Q: Why do folks from Arkansas go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?
A: 17 and under are not admitted.
Q: Why did Forrest Gump choose 'Bama over Arkansas?
A: He wanted an academic challenge!
Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Arkansas?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Q: What does an Arkansas State grad call a Razorback grad in 5 years?
I'm not saying Arkansas basketball players are dumb, but the coach is dressing six players for this Saturdays game.
The rest will dress themselves.
Q: Why is "The Wave" banned in Reynolds Razorback Stadium?
A: Two Arkansas fans drowned last year.
Q: Why did the University of Arkansas regents decide to cover Reynolds Razorback in cardboard?
A: Because the Crimson Tide always look better on paper.
Q: What happens when blondes move from Alabama to Arkansas?
A: Both states become smarter!
Q: What is the only intelligent sign of life in Fayetteville, Arkansas?
A: Tuscaloosa, Alabama: 547 Miles
Q: Why aren't Arkansas State cheerleaders allowed to do the splits?
A: They stick to the ground.
Q: Why do all the trees in Louisiana lean north?
A: Arkansas Sucks
Q: What does a girl from Arkansas do if she's not in bed by 10pm?
A: Go Home.
Q: Why do University of Arkansas baksetball players use body heat activated deodorant?
A: Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree".
Q: Why do Arkansas Tech students have such beautiful noses?
A: They're hand picked.
Q: Why did Arkansas State disband its water polo team?
A: All the horses drowned.
Q: What's the difference between a Arkansas State diploma and toilet paper?
A: About $50,000 per sheet.
Q: What does it say on the back of every Arkansas State diploma?
A: Will Work For Food.
Q: Why did the South Arkansas Community College grad cross the road?
A: Better question why is he out of jail?
Q: How does a dumb blonde get into college?
A: She applies to Arkansas State.
Q: Why should Arkansas State change their uniforms to Orange?
A: So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.
Q: What's the one thing that keeps Razorback basketball players from graduating?
A: Going to Class.
Q: Why did the Arkansas football team cross the road?
A: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.
Q: How is a Arkansas State girl different from a bowling ball?
A: Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.
Q: What do UofA grads use for Birth Control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How do you break a Arkansas Tech grads finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.
Q: How do you get a Arkansas State fan to laugh all weekend long?
A: Tell him a joke Monday morning.
Q: Why do Arkansas Razorback fans smell so bad?
A: So blind people can hate them too.
Q: Why did Arkansas change their field from grass to artificial turf?
A: To keep the Razorbacks cheerleaders from grazing the field at halftime.
Q: Did you hear that 9 out of 10 coeds are good looking?
A: The other one goes to Arkansas State.
Q: What do they call students at Arkansas State?
A: Rejects from UofA.
Q: Whats the difference between Fayetteville and yogurt?
A: Yogurt has an active living culture.
Q: Why do the Arkansas Razorbacks eat cereal straight from the box?
A: They choke whenever they get near a bowl.
Q: What's the difference between the Reynolds Razorback Stadium and a cactus?
A: The cactus has its pricks on the outside.
Q: What separates a good team from a great team?
A: The Louisiana-Arkansas border.
Q: How do you confuse a Arkansas Tech student?
A: You can't they were born that way.
Q: How do you get from Tuscaloosa to Fayetteville?
A: Go west until you smell shit and north until you step in it.
Q: What will you never hear a Arkansas State grad say?
A: "I have reviewed your application......"
Q: What is 20 feet long and has 5 teeth?
A: The funnel cake line at the Arkansas state fair.
Q: Why did Arkansas raise the minimum drinking age to 25?
A: They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools!
Q: How can you tell if someone in Arkansas is married?
A: The tobacco spit stains are on both sides of his pickup truck.
Q: Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Arkansas burned down?
A: Almost took out the whole trailer park.
Q: What's the best thing to ever come out of Arkansas?
Q: Why are there so many unsolved murders in Arkansas?
A: There are no dental records and everyone has the same DNA
Q. Why do ducks fly over Arkansas upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!
Q. How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Arkansas?
A. If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.
Q: Why do Arkansas Razorback grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Arkansas campus?
A: A visitor.
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Arkansas State University library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Arkansas's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
Q: What does the average Arkansas State University student get on his SAT?
Q: How do you make University of Arkansas cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
Q: How many Arkansas State University freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Q: If you have a car containing a Razorback wide receiver, a Razorback linebacker, and a Razorback defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Arkansas?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.
Q: How do you casterate an Arkansas Razorback fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: Whats the difference between the Arkansas Razorbacks and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!
Q: Why do Arkansas students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!
Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Razorback campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.
Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at the University of Arkansas?
A: They cause too much brain damage!
Q: What should you do if you find three University Of Arkansas football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between an Arkansas Razorback fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Arkansas?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Q. How did the Arkansas Razorback die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What is the definition of a Arkansas virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..
Q: What to they call students who go to Arkansas?
A: Rejects from Alabama!
Q: What does a Razorback fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: What do you call an Arkansas Razorback in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.
Q: What do Arkansas and Alabama students have in common?
A: They both got in to Arkansas
Q: What's the difference between an Arkansas football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.
Q: Did you hear that Arkansas's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: How many Arkansas Razorbacks does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
Q: What are the best four years of an Arkansas State grads life?
A: Third grade
Q: What does a Arkansas native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of Arkansas have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.
Q: What do the University of Arkansas and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!
Q. How do they separate the men from the boys in Arkansas?
A. With a restraining order.
Q. What's the first thing a Razorback girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.
Q: What do you call an Arkansas football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!
Q: What is an Arkansas fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Florida."
Q: Why do Razorback fans pour their cereal on a plate?
A: He lost his bowls.
Q: How do you stop an Arkansas fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Florida Blue and Orange!
Q: What did the Arkansas female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!
Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a Razorbacks fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at Razorbacks games anymore?
A: The student who knew the recipe graduated
Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in Arkansas?
A: No one would look for them.
Arkansas, still the only state where you can get a divorce and still be brother and sister!
A country bumpkin family from Arkansas decides to go to the Big Apple for the first Time in their lives; Maw, Paw and their son.
They go into the Empire State Building. As they're walking around they notice the elevator.
Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered.
While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes.
The Arkansas redneck family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up. They continue to watch as the numbers go down again.
The door opens and out walks this tall gorgeous blonde. Legs to her neck. Great figure. Beautiful!
Paw looks at his son and says, "Quick boy, shove yer Maw in there!"
Falling in Love
A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was an Alabama Crimson Tide fan and he was an Arkansas Razorbacks fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a Crimson Tide fan.
He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be a Crimson Tide fan."
The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?"
The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO GATORS!"
An Arkansas Razorbacks fan and a Florida Gators fan were driving along when all of a sudden the Razorbacks fan slams on the brakes.
There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the Razorbacks fan said "We Razorbacks never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.
Then he says to the Gators fan, "Your turn"...
And the Gators fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.
One Day This Kid And His Mom Were Walking Past A Cemetery When They Past A Grave And the Kid Stopped To Read It.
He Read Aloud "Here Lies An Arkansas Graduate And A Great Man."
The Kid Then Says "Mom I Dont Get It."
The Mom Says "Why Not?"
The Kid Says "Why Are there 2 People Burried here?"
An Arkansas Razorbacks fan was in the finals of the state spelling bee.
"Okay, your word is 'farm,'" the moderator said to the Razorback.
He sat there for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face. "Um... Can I have a definition?"
"Sure," the moderator said. "It is a plot of agricultural land, used for the raising of crops and livestock."
"Uhhh..." The Arkansas native sat there for several more minutes, continuing to ask for alternative pronunciations, word origins, etc. The moderator was getting frustrated. Finally the Razorbacks fan asked, "Uh, can you use it in a sentence?"
"Old MacDonald had a FARM!" the moderator shouted.
"Oh!" said the Razorback. "E-I-E-I-O!"