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Arizona Jokes


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Short Arizona Jokes

Q. What's the difference between a Northern Arizona University sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.

Q: What's the only thing that grows in Phoenix?
A: The Crime Rate!

Q: What's the only thing that grows in Phoenix?
A: The swelling from your head from getting jacked!

Q: How hot is it in Arizona?
A1: The cows are giving evaporated milk.
A2: You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
A3: Hot water now comes out of both taps.
A4: You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
A5: You can make instant sun tea.

Q: Where does Arizona want illegal immigrants to go after passing a landmark immigration bill?
A: Back to their homeland in Los Angeles!

Q: Why did Forrest Gump choose 'Bama over Arizona State?
A: He wanted an academic challenge!

Q: Why are the children the ones being hardest hit by Arizona's immigration reform?
A: Because parents now have to start raising their own children now!

Q: Why are officials in Arizona still waiting to implement their landmark immigration reform?
A: Because officials want to make sure their pools were clean and their lawns were mowed before signing!

Q: Why do Arizona State grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Arizona State University library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Arizona's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q: What does the average Arizona State University student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.

Q: How do you make University of Arizona cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Q: How many Arizona State freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.

Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Arizona?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.

Q: If you have a car containing a Sun Devil wide receiver, a Sun Devil linebacker, and a Sun Devil defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Arizona?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.

Q: How do you casterate an Arizona State Sun Devils fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: Whats the difference between the Arizona Wildcats and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!

Q: Why do Arizona students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!

Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Arizona State campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.

Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at the University of Arizona?
A: They cause too much brain damage!

Q: What should you do if you find three University Of Arizona football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between an Arizona Wildcat fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Arizona?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.

Q. How did the Arizonan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What is the definition of a Arizona virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..

Q: What to they call students who go to Arizona State?
A: Rejects from the University of Arizona!

Q: What does a Arizona Wildcat fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: What do you call an Arizona Wildcat in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.

Q: How hot is it today in Phoenix?
A: So hot you can fry an egg on the sidewalk!

Q: What do Arizona and Arizona State students have in common?
A: They both got in to Arizona State

Q: What's the difference between a University of Arizona football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.

Q: Did you hear that Arizona State's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: How many Arizona State grads does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!

Q: What are the best four years of an Arizona Wildcats life?
A: Third grade

Q: What does a Arizona native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from Arizona State University have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.

Q: What does a ASU grad call an Arizona Wildcat grad in 5 years?
A: Boss!

I'm not saying Sun Devils basketball players are dumb, but the coach is dressing six players for this Saturdays game.
The rest will dress themselves.

Q: Why is "The Wave" banned in Sun Devil stadium?
A: Two ASU fans drowned last year.

Q: Why did the University of Arizona regents decide to cover the Arizona Stadium in cardboard?
A: Because the Wildcats always look better on paper.

Q: What happens when blondes move from Calfornia to Arizona?
A: Both states become smarter!

Q: What is the only intelligent sign of life in Phoenix?
A: Tuscon, Arizona: 116 Miles

Q: Why aren't Arizona State cheerleaders allowed to do the splits?
A: They stick to the ground.

Q: Why do all the trees in Southern California lean east?
A: Arizona Sucks

Q: What does a girl from ASU do if she's not in bed by 10pm?
A: Go Home.

Q: Why do University of Arizona baksetball players use body heat activated deodorant?
A: Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree".

Q: Why do Arizona State students have such beautiful noses?
A: They're hand picked.

Q: Why did ASU disband its water polo team?
A: All the horses drowned.

Q: What's the difference between a Northern Arizona diploma and toilet paper?
A: About $50,000 per sheet.

Q: What does it say on the back of every Arizona State diploma?
A: Will Work For Food.

Q: Why did the Northern Arizona grad cross the road?
A: Better question why is he out of jail?

Q: How does a dumb blonde get into college?
A: She applies to Arizona State University.

Q: Why should Arizona State change their uniforms to Orange?
A: So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.

Q: What's the one thing that keeps Wildcat basketball players from graduating?
A: Going to Class.

Q: Why did the Arizona Wildcats cross the road?
A: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.

Q: How is a Sun Devil girl different from a bowling ball?
A: Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.

Q: What do UofA grads use for Birth Control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: How do you break an Northern Arizona grads finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.

Q: How do you get a Arizona State fan to laugh all weekend long?
A: Tell him a joke Monday morning.

Q: Why do Northern Arizona fans smell so bad?
A: So blind people can hate them too.

Q: Why did ASU change their field from grass to artificial turf?
A: To keep the Sun Devil cheerleaders from grazing the field at halftime.

Q: Did you hear that 9 out of 10 coeds are good looking?
A: The other one goes to the University of Northern Arizona.

Q: What do they call students at ASU?
A: Rejects from UofA.

Q: Whats the difference between Tuscon and yogurt?
A: Yogurt has an active living culture.

Q: Why do Sun Devils eat cereal straight from the box?
A: They choke whenever they get near a bowl.

Q: What's the difference between the Arizona Stadium and a cactus?
A: The cactus has its pricks on the outside.

Q: What separates a good team from a great team?
A: The California-Arizona border.

Q: How do you confuse an Arizona State student?
A: You can't they were born that way.

Q: How do you get from Tuscon to Phoenix?
A: Go north until you smell shit and west until you step in it.

Q: What will you never hear an Arizona State grad say?
A: "I have reviewed your application......"

Q: What do the University of Arizona and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Q. How do they separate the men from the boys in Arizona?
A. With a restraining order.

Q. What's the first thing an Arizona girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.

Q: What do you call an Arizona football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!

Q: What is a Arizona fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat USC."

Q: Why do Sun Devils fans pour their cereal on a plate?
A: He lost his bowls.

Q: How do you stop an Arizona fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in USC red!

Q: What did the Arizona female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!

Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a Sun Devils fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at Sun Devils games anymore?
A: The student who knew the recipe graduated

Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in Arizona?
A: No one would look for them.

Falling in Love
A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was an Arizona State Sun Devils fan and he was an Arizona Wildcats fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a Sun Devils fan.

He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be an Sun Devils fan."

The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?"

The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO TROJANS!"

Sheep Coitus

An Arizona State Sun Devils fan and an Arizona Wildcats fan were driving along when all of a sudden the Sun Devils fan slams on the brakes.

There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the Sun Devils fan said "We Devils never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.

Then he says to the Wildcats fan, "Your turn"...

And the Wildcats fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.

Cemetary
One Day This Kid And His Mom Were Walking Past A Cemetery When They Past A Grave And the Kid Stopped To Read It.

He Read Aloud " Here Lies An Arizona State Graduate And A Great Man."

The Kid Then Says " Mom I Dont Get It."

The Mom Says "Why Not?"

The Kid Says "Why Are there 2 People Burried here?"

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