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Short Alaska Jokes
Q: How do you know your Alaskan?
A: You know which leaves make good toilet paper!
Q: Why couldn't the Anchorage school district buy enough buses for children?
A: Because they had to buy the Zambonis first!
Q: How do Alaskans get a great upper body workout?
A: By shoveling their driveways!
Q: Why is Sarah Palin not a hockey mom?
A: Because she did a poor job telling her daughters about "keeping players out of the crease!"
Q: Why should Alaskan's be excited about Russia holding the 2018 World Cup?
A: Because if you have eyes like Sarah Palin you can watch the games from home!
Q: How do you know if Sarah Palin is having marriage troubles?
A: She sends her husband hunting with Dick Cheney!
Q: What is the Alaskan Inuits ancient approximation for the mathematical term "pi"?
A: Eskimo Pi!
Q: What happened to the 5 year old boy who won a moose calling contest at the Alaska Zoo in Anchorage?
A: He was shot to death by Sarah Palin!
Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Alaska?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Q: If you have a car containing an Eskimo, Levi Johnston, and Todd Palin, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: What is the definition of safe sex up in Alaska?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.
Q: How do you casterate an Alaskan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: Why do Alaskans have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!
Q: Why don't they eat sushi in Ft. Yukon?
A: Because when she's drunk, Sue she wets her pants....(spoken in a native dialect)
Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through Alaska?
A. A vice presidential nomination.
Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned in Alaska?
A: They cause too much brain damage!
Q: What should you do if you find three Alaskans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Alaska?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Q. How did the Alaskan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What is the definition of a Alaskan virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..
Q: What do you call an Alaskan in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.
Q: How many Alaskans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!
Q: What are the best four years of an Alaskans life?
A: Third grade
Q: What does an Alaskan native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.
Q. How do they separate the men from the boys in Alaska?
A. With a restraining order.
Q. What's the first thing an Alaskan girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.
Q: What do you call an University of Alaska football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!
Q: What did the Alaskan female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!
Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a Alaska native?
A: The bucket.
Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at Alaska basketball games anymore?
A: The student who knew the recipe graduated
Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in Alaska?
A: No one would look for them.
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