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Alaska Jokes


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Short Alaska Jokes

Q: How do you know your Alaskan?
A: You know which leaves make good toilet paper!

Q: Why couldn't the Anchorage school district buy enough buses for children?
A: Because they had to buy the Zambonis first!

Q: How do Alaskans get a great upper body workout?
A: By shoveling their driveways!

Q: Why is Sarah Palin not a hockey mom?
A: Because she did a poor job telling her daughters about "keeping players out of the crease!"

Q: Why should Alaskan's be excited about Russia holding the 2018 World Cup?
A: Because if you have eyes like Sarah Palin you can watch the games from home!

Q: How do you know if Sarah Palin is having marriage troubles?
A: She sends her husband hunting with Dick Cheney!

Q: What is the Alaskan Inuits ancient approximation for the mathematical term "pi"?
A: Eskimo Pi!

Q: What happened to the 5 year old boy who won a moose calling contest at the Alaska Zoo in Anchorage?
A: He was shot to death by Sarah Palin!

Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Alaska?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.

Q: If you have a car containing an Eskimo, Levi Johnston, and Todd Palin, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: What is the definition of safe sex up in Alaska?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.

Q: How do you casterate an Alaskan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: Why do Alaskans have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!

Q: Why don't they eat sushi in Ft. Yukon?
A: Because when she's drunk, Sue she wets her pants....(spoken in a native dialect)

Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through Alaska?
A. A vice presidential nomination.

Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned in Alaska?
A: They cause too much brain damage!

Q: What should you do if you find three Alaskans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Alaska?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.

Q. How did the Alaskan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What is the definition of a Alaskan virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..

Q: What do you call an Alaskan in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.

Q: How many Alaskans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!

Q: What are the best four years of an Alaskans life?
A: Third grade

Q: What does an Alaskan native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

Q. How do they separate the men from the boys in Alaska?
A. With a restraining order.

Q. What's the first thing an Alaskan girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.

Q: What do you call an University of Alaska football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!

Q: What did the Alaskan female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!

Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a Alaska native?
A: The bucket.

Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at Alaska basketball games anymore?
A: The student who knew the recipe graduated

Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in Alaska?
A: No one would look for them.

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