Q: Did you hear the one about the geologist?
A: He took his wife for granite so she left him
Q: What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver?
Q: What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano?
A: I Lava You!
Q: Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry?
A: He wanted to get a little boulder.
Q: How did the geology student drown?
A: His grades were below C-level
Q: What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist?
A: A chemist will drink anything that is distilled.
A: A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.
Watson: Holmes! What kind of rock is this!
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H2O cubed.
Q: Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
A: He just couldn't put it down.
Q: What do you call a periodic table with gold missing?
A: "Au revoir"
Q: What element is derived from a Norse god?
Q: What did the geologist say when his doctor asked him if he was ready for his colonic?
A: No FRACKING way!!!
Q: What do you do with a dead geologists?
Q: What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron?
A: A KNiFe.
Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium deposits?
Q: Wanna hear the mountain joke?
A: nah you won't get over it
Q: Why shouldn't you let a geologist drive your car?
A: Because they get hammered and stoned.
Q: What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
A: Coca-Cola Clastic
Q: Why do Earth Science professors like to teach about ammonia?
A: Because it's basic material.
Q: What did the Cowboy Chemist tell his horse?
A: HIO Ag!
Q: If H20 is water what is H204?
A: Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming.
Q: According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse?
A: Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
Q: What do geologists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel.
Q: What's wrong with a joke involving Cobalt, Radon, and Ytterium?
A: its CoRn Y
Q: What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?
A: OH SNaP!
Q: How did the blonde define hydrophobic on her Earth Science exam?
A: Fear of utility bills.
Q: What fruit contains Barium and double Sodium?
Q: What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy?
A: Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
Q: What did the Psychologist tell the geologist?
A: "Every decline is a great Break Through"
Q: Why wasn't the geologist hungry?
A: He lost his apatite.
Q: Why shouldn't you lend a geologist money?
A: They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
Q: Why was the Geologist expelled from Reform School?
A: He was a dirty layer!
Q: Where do geologists like to relax?
A: In a rocking chair
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really "dirty" jokes
Did you know that geologists are athletic?
Yeah, I read it in Quartz illustrated.
Geology One Liners
Did you hear oxygen and magnesium got together?
My Sediments exactly!
Geologists are down to "earth" people
Geology Rocks, I really dig it.
Have a gneiss day
My rocks are gneiss, don't take them for granite.
"May the Quartz be with you"
Geologists probe crevaces
Kiss a geologist and feel the earthquake.
"Geologists have their faults"
"It's a hard rock life"
"Geologists can be very sedimental"
Geologists never lose their luster!
Geologists Dig Mother Earth
Geologists get their Rocks Off
Geologists do it on the rocks.
Geologists make the bed rock
Geologists don't wrinkle, they show lineation!
Old geologists never die, they just recrystallize.
Some jokes just fluorite over my head
Geologists will date anything.
Teacher: Describe hydrogen
Student: It is a prostitute element
Teacher: Who taught you that?
Student: You said it does not belong to a particular group and it reacts with almost all the elements in the periodic table.
Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin.
Oxygin is pure gin.
Hydrogin is gin and water.
A-u; Get away from my Gold!
C-u later copper!
HeHe I made you talk like a little boy
Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na
Don't forget to P-b 4 you go to lead!
Biologists do it with clones.
Botanists do it in the bushes.
Zoologists do it with animals.
Geologists do it in the dirt
During a heated discussion Opal screamed at Amber, telling her that not
only was she not a jewel but she wasn't even a mineral.
"Is that so," Amber snorted, stating flatly that Opal had no cleavage.
"Perhaps so," replied Opal, "but at least I'm not just organic ooze with
bugs - I'm pristine, white, and smooth."
"That's tuff," said Amber, secreting with rage.
John wrote an article in the school paper about how this chemical, dihydrogenoxide, has killed over 100,000 people world wide, usually through inhalation.
The story also went on that even if you wash your food you can never get this chemical off.
No matter what you do you will be exposed to this very dangerous chemical every day of your life until you die.
The story finished by claiming that there needs to be a government research group founded to find a solution. yada yada yada
Anyway, the local newspaper reporter read this story in his daughters school paper and decided to do a follow up.
If you haven't figured it out di-hydrogen-oxide is the correct name for H2O or water.
The deaths that he was quoting were from drownings.
Anyhow, this reporter ran the article in a paper and started a local push for a government study before they realized what the story was about.
Geology Pick Up Lines:
"Hi, you can call me a geologist, cause I can make your bedrock!"
"Girl, is your dad a geologist, because you just gave me a volcanic eruptions!"
So many beds, so little time
"How about we go behind that rock and become a little boulder."
"I'm a geologist and I'm hung like a horst"
You must be calcium bicarbonate, because if you let me get you wet, then the reaction will be explosive.
If I could rearrange the periodic table, I'd put Uranium and Iodine together.