Q: Why was the student afraid of the y-intercept?
A: She thought she'd be stung by the b.
Q: Who invented algebra?
A: A Clever X-pert.
Q: What do you call friends who love math?
Q: What does Algebra and my dick have in common?
A: They're both hard for you.
Q: Why wont Goldilocks drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
A: It's too cubed.
Q: What is the hidden math term? BOLA BOLA
A: Parabolas (pair of bolas)
Q: What do you get when you cross an algebra class with the prom?
A: The quadratic formal.
Q: What do you get when you cross a mountain climber and a mosquito?
A: Nothing! You know you can't cross a scalar and a vector.
Q: Why is an algebra book always unhappy?
A: Because it always has lots of problems.
Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?
A: Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don't need the sun!
Q: What is purple and commutative?
A: An abelian grape
Q. What shape is usually waiting for you at Stabucks?
A. A line.
Q: Why did the relation need a math tutor?
A: It failed the vertical-line test.
Q: How can a fisherman determine how many fish he needs to catch to make a profit?
A: By using a cod-ratic inequality.
Q: Why did the imaginary number turn red?
A: It ran out of i-drops.
Q: What does the little mermaid wear?
A: An algae-bra.
Q: How does a ghost solve a quadratic equation?
A: By completing the scare.
Q: What is a proof?
A: One-half percent of alcohol.
Q: What did algebra math book say to the other?
A: Don't bother me I've got my own problems!
Q: What is the definition of a polar bear?
A: A rectangular bear after a coordinate transformation
Q: Why did all the apples in the fruit bowl know each other?
A: They were core-relations.
Q: Why was the matrix arrested?
A: Illegal entry.
Q: What do you call a rodent with babies?
A: A quad-rat-ic parent.
Q: What do you get when you cross a linebacker with a computer geek?
A: A linear programmer.
Q: Why is the Rational Root Theorem so polite?
A: It minds its p's and q's.
Q: Why did the polynomial plant wilt?
A: Its roots were imaginary.
Q: How do you know that your dentist studied algebra?
A: She said all that candy gave me exponential decay.
Q: How did the chicken find the inverse?
A: It reflected the function across y = eggs.
Teacher: Why didn't you do your math homework?
Student: It committed suicide because it had to many ex's
Q: Why did the doctor send the expression to a psychiatrist?
A: Because it wasn't rational.
Q: How can you predict how many protesters will show up at a rally?
A: By using a radical function.
Q: Have you heard about the constipated algebra teacher?
A: He worked it out with a pencil.
Q: Why are you drumming on your algebra book with two big sticks?
A: Because we are studying log rhythms.
Q: What do you call a snake after it drinks three cups of coffee?
A: A hyper boa.
Q: What is a smart bird favorite type of math?
Q: What is Ho cubed?
Q: How can you tell when a factorial is enthusiastic?
A: It's always enthusiastic- it has an exclamation point!
Q: What do you call an algebra teacher who takes his vacations at the beach?
A: A tangent.
Q: What wild animal is good at algebra?
A: The tangent lion.
Q: Why are you so negative?
A: Just take me for my absolute value!
Teacher: "What is seven Q plus three Q?"
Student: "Ten Q"
Teacher: "You're Welcome."
Parent: Did you study your algebra lesson at the family reunion?
Student: Sure, it was a function with relations.
Teacher: Why did your mother and father do your algebra homework?
Student: They really understand parent functions.
Teacher: Let's find the square root of 1 million.
Student: Don't you think that's a bit too radical?
Surgeon: Nurse! I have so many patients! Who do I work on first?
Nurse: Simple. Use the order of operations.
Teacher: Your behavior reminds me of square root of 2?
Teacher: Because its' completely irrational.
Student: The artist Picasso must have been really good at algebra.
Parent: Why do you say that?
Student: He was a famous cubist, so he probably had to do a lot of factoring.
Polynomial. Why the third degree?
Dad everything about girls frightens me. That's why I failed my algebra test?
What do you mean?
Because it has the word "bra" in it.
New York (CNN): At John F. Kennedy International Airport today, a Caucasian male (later discovered to be a high school mathematics teacher) was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor, and a graphical calculator.
According law enforcement officials, he is believed to have ties to the Al-Gebra network. He will be charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.
Four friends have been doing really well in their algebra class: they have been getting top grades for their homework and on the midterm. So, when it's time for the final, they decide not to study on the weekend before, but to drive to another friend's birthday party in another city - even though the exam is scheduled for Monday morning. As it happens, they drink too much at the party, and on Monday morning, they are all hung over and oversleep. When they finally arrive on campus, the exam is already over.
They go to the professor's office and offer him an explanation: "We went to our friend's birthday party, and when we were driving back home very early on Monday morning, we suddenly had a flat tire. We had no spare one, and since we were driving on backroads, it took hours until we got help."
The professor nods sympathetically and says: "I see that it was not your fault. I will allow you to make up for the missed exam tomorrow morning."
When they arrive early on Tuesday morning, the students are put by the professor in a large lecture hall and are seated so far apart from each other that, even if they tried, they had no chance to cheat. The exam booklets are already in place, and confidently, the students start writing.
The first question - five points out of one hundred - is a simple exercise in algebra, and all four finish it within ten minutes.
When the first of them has completed the problem, he turns over the page of the exam booklet and reads on the next one:
Problem 2 (95 points out of 100): Which tire went flat?
George W Bush
George W. Bush visits Algeria.
As part of his program, he delivers a speech to the Algerian people: "You know, I regret that I have to give this speech in English. I would very much prefer to talk to you in your own language. But unfortunately, I was never good at algebra..."
"What happened to your girlfriend, that really cute math student?"
"She no longer is my girlfriend. I caught her cheating on me."
"I don't believe that she cheated on you!"
"Well, a couple of nights ago I called her on the phone, and she told me that she was in bed wrestling with three unknowns..."
History vs Math
Once a math teacher and a history teacher had a fight wheather maths is better or history...........
History teacher: I will call all of Stalins army and kill you.
Math teacher: Then I will put all the army in the bracket and multiply it by zero.