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College Jokes


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Alabama
Q. What's the difference between a University of Alabama sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.

Q. Whats the difference between Alabama and cheerios?
A. One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!

Q. Did you hear about the Alabama quarterback who tried to throw himself on the floor in a fit of rage?
A. He missed!

Arizona
Q. Why do Arizona students have TGIF on their shoes?
A. Toes Go In First!

Arizona State
Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Sun Devil campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.

Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at Arizona State University?
A: They cause too much brain damage!

Q: Why don't Arizona State Sun Devils fans let their kids play in sand boxes?
A: Because cats keep covering them up.


Arkansas
Q. Why do Razorbacks put a copy of their diploma in the window of their vehicles?
A. So they can park in handicap spaces.

Auburn
Q. How do you get an Auburn student off your porch?
A. Pay him for the pizza!

Q. Why is Auburn always in the dark?
A. Because they're afraid of Alabama Power.

Baylor
Q: Why don't Baylor University fans let their kids play in sand boxes?
A: Because cats keep covering them up.

Bowling Green
Q: What do you say when you see a Bowling Green grad in a suit?
A: Will the defendant please rise!

California
Q: What's the hardest thing about being an California Golden Bears football fan?
A: Telling your parents that you're gay.

California State
Q: What does the average California State University student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.

Connecticut
Q: What should you do if you find three UConn football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Drexel
Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at Drexel University weddings?
A: To keep the flies off the bride.

Duke
Q: Do you know why the Duke University football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?
A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Florida State
Q: What's the difference between an Florida Gators fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Florida State
Q: Why don't they have Christmas at FSU?
A: They can't find a virgin and three wise men.

Georgia
Q: What do you get when you cross an Georgia Bulldog and a pig?
A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.

Indiana
Q. What does Indiana University need to win a basketball championship?
A. A coach

Kansas
Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Lawrence, KS?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.

Kansas State
Q. How did the Wildcat die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Kentucky
How many Wildcats does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Lava lamps donít burn out man!

Q: How do you compliment an University Of Kentucky fan?
A: Nice tooth.

Q: What is the definition of safe sex down at the University Of Kentucky?
A: Placing a sign on the animals that kick...

Louisiana State
Q: Did you hear about the fire in Louisiana State University's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Michigan
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Michigan campus?
A: A visitor.

Q: What do you get when you see blue and yellow?
A: Bruised.

Q: Why does Michigan have a big football stadium?
A: They have big heads.

Q: How do you kill a Wolverine?
A: Put it in an arena against a Spartan.

Michigan State
Q. What do you call a genius at MSU?
A. Visitor.

Q. What is the most common line used by an Michigan State alum?
A. Would you like fries with that?

Minnesota
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Minnesota library?
A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q. Did you hear about the Golden Gopher alum who froze to death?
A. He went to the drive in...He sat through "Closed for the season"!

Nebraska
Q. How do you get a Cornhusker off your front porch?
A. Pay him for the pizza.

Notre Dame
Q: How do you make University of Notre Dame cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Q: What should you do if you find three Fighting Irish fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Oklahoma
Q. What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of Oklahoma have in common?
A. They both end up in trailer parks.

Oklahoma State
Q: How can you tell when there's been an Oklahoma State student in your backyard?
A: The garbage is gone and your dog's pregnant.

Ohio State
Q. How many Buckeyes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. TWO. One to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure.

Q: What do Ohio State and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Q: How do you make OSU cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.


Q. What is the one thing that keeps so many Ohio State football players from graduating?
A. CLASSWORK!

Oregon State
Q: Did you hear about the Oregon State fan who locked his keys in his car?
A: He couldn't get his family out.

Penn State
Q: Why do Penn State University graduates keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Purdue
Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and Purdue University?
A: Six more weeks of bad football.

San Diego State
Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?
A: On the San Diego State campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.

San Francisco
Q. How do they separate the men from the boys at USF?
A. With a restraining order.

Tennessee
Q: How many University of Tennessee freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.

Q: How do you castrate an Tennessee football player?
A: You hit his sister in the jaw


Texas A&M
Q. Why does Texas A &M have Astroturf at their football stadium
A. To keep the cheerleaders from grazing.

Q: What did the Aggie do after the Longhorns beat A&M 
A: He tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window?


UCLA
Q. How many Bruins does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. ONE, but it never really gets done. He holds the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around him.

UNLV
Q: What does the average Runnin Rebel get on his SAT?
A: Drool.

USC
Q. What's the first thing a Trojan girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.

How many Trojan girls does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
ONE. She screws everything why not a light bulb?

Utah
Q: What do you call a Utah football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!

Utah State
Q: What did the Utah State graduate say to the Utah graduate?
A: "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"

Virginia Tech
Q. What's harder than a loner Korean getting admission to Virginia Tech?
A. Nothing.

West Virginia
Q: What is the definition of a West Virginia virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..

Yale
Q. What to they call students who go to Yale?
A. Rejects from Harvard!

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