National Kissing Day Jokes

What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?

What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?
Hogs and kisses!

What candy is only for girls?
HER-SHEy's Kisses!

What do you get if you kiss a bird?
A peck on the cheek!

Kiss a geologist and feel the earthquake.

I didn't fart. My intestines just blew you a kiss.

Drop everything now, meet me in the pouring rain, kiss me on the sidewalk, take away the pain.

Kissing your boyfriend on the cheek(good) kissing your boyfriend in the mouth (awesome) Kissing your boyfriend in front of his ex (boss).

The last woman I was with said, "Kiss me where it stinks." So, I drove her to New Jersey.

If a dementor's kiss steals your soul, what has Ron Weasley got to worry about?

I wanna kiss you on December 31st from 11:59 pm to 12:01 am, so I can have an amazing ending to 2015 and a beautiful beginning into 2016.

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Butch, Jimmy and Joe.
Butch, Jimmy, and Joe Who?
Butch your arms around me, Jimmy a kiss, and let's Joe.

A gorgeous Australian blonde and a guy are sitting next to each other in a bar. Both of them are watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "I'll bet you a kiss he'll jump," said the first guy. "Bet you $10 he won't," said the blonde.

Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The hot blonde leans over to kiss the guy.

"I can't kiss you," said the first guy abruptly. "I cheated you.

The same story was on the five o'clock news." "No Worries," said the blonde. "I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"

Beautiful Woman
There's a Greek, a Turk and a beautiful woman sitting next to each other on a train. The train goes through a tunnel and everything gets dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a SLAP!!
The train comes out of the tunnel. The woman and the Greek sitting there looking perplexed. The Turk is bent over holding his face which is red from an apparent slap.
The Turk is thinking "Ya Allah, that Greek must have tried to kiss this lady, she thought it was me and slapped me."
The lady is thinking, "that Turk must have moved to kiss me and kissed the Greek instead and got slapped."
The Greek was thinking to himself..."If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap that Turk again."

Mean Kid
A policeman caught a mean little boy with a BB gun in one hand and a squirrel in the other.
"Now Listen here," the policeman said,
"Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature I shall personally do to you"
"In that case," said the boy.
"I'll kiss it's butt and let it go"

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