National Grandparents Day Jokes

Why do Grandpas smile all the time?
Because they can't hear a word you're saying!

When is your grandpas bedtime?
Three hours after she falls asleep on the couch.

What's the worst part about being grandpa?
You have to sleep with grandma.

What's that wrinkly thing on Grandma?

What do you call a Pixar movie about your grandpa?
Up Yours!

Why did gramma put wheels on her rocking chair?
She wanted to rock and roll!

What do you call having your grandma on speed dial?

Why do grandmas count pennies?
They are the only ones who have the time.

Everytime I go to a wedding my grandma pokes me and says, " You're Next"
So then everytime I go to a funeral with her, I poke her and say, " You're next."

The other day I went to the ATM and this old woman asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Grandpa: "Look they made a movie about The Smurfs grown up"
Son: Grandpa Please shhhhhhh, that's Avatar...

50th Anniversary
A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.

On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together. He replies, "No, I was thinking about the time before we got married.

Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he'd have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you. Tomorrow I would've been a free man!"

Young Man
A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup.
As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them.
Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife.
The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.

The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs.
The old gentleman said, "Oh no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50."
The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, "It's his turn with the teeth."

Grandpa Jokes
Grandma Jokes

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