Did you hear the joke about the apricot?
It was pit-iful.
Why did the apricot have a hair transplant?
Because it wanted to be a peach!
Why did the chef shave the peaches?
Because the recipe called for apricots!
What do you call the time inbetween eating apricots?
What do you call a man that can't stop eating apricots whole?
A bottomless pit.
Patient: Doctor, there is a apricot growing out of my head.
Doctor: Oh, that's easy. Just put some cream on it!
A stockboy is stacking fruit on a display, when a lady asks "Do you have any Apricots? "
The stockboy replies "Sorry ma'am, we are out of Apricots, but we will be getting a shipment tomorrow morning"
The lady looks around some more. A few mins later she runs back to him asking where the Apricots are.
The stockboy confused about her mental state simply tells her "Sorry ma'am, we are out of Apricots, but we will be getting a shipment tomorrow morning"
The lady looks around some more then goes back to the same stockboy and asks "Where the hell do you keep the Apricots, I need some Apricots right now!"
The stockboy, getting frustated with his inability to explain the situation, tells the lady "Answers a couple of questions and I will get you your Apricots from the back."
The lady agrees and the man starts the questions.
"Spell cat for me, as in catastrophe " she says Ok, "C A T". "Very good!" the stockboy says, "now spell dog, as in dogmatic. "
The lady getting frustrated spells it correct. Now the employee finally asks "now spell, Fuck, as in Apricots. "
She replies "There is no Fuck in Apricots?"
To which the stockboy replies "THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU THE WHOLE TIME!"
God Is Watching
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large tray of apricots.
The nun posted a sign on the peach tray, "Take only one. God is watching."
Further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. God is watching the apricots."